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Why Depression Can Be Contagious & How To Avoid It

Why Depression Can Be Contagious & How To Avoid It

By Dr. Susan Heitler for YourTango.com.

If you love someone who’s depressed, there’s something you should know.

Someone recently asked me the following question: “My husband has been depressed for months. Now I’m getting depressed, too! Did I catch it from him?” My answer? Probably. Depression is most certainly contagious.

With that in mind, here are five prominent attributes of depression that make downer moods so easy to catch:

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1. The “negative cognitive triad.” Psychologist Aaron Beck coined the term “negative cognitive triad” to describe three arenas in which depressive thinking is negative. Depressed folks see themselves, others and their futures through dark-colored glasses. For example, Owen was depressed for several months after losing his job. Julie, his wife, felt dragged down by Owen’s constant, negative comments. Owen tried to be more upbeat, but his dialogue was always peppered with self-reproach.

Owen had also become uncharacteristically critical of his wife. As she headed to work feeling good about the way she looked, Owen ended his goodbyes with, “Do you really have to wear so much makeup?” As to his future, Owen would say, “I’m sure I’ll never get another job I love as much as the one I lost.” Eventually, Julie began to agree with him. His bad mood brought her down to his emotional level.

2. Negative energy. Just walking into a room where Owen was sitting was enough for Julie to feel her energy level sink. Sometimes she avoided talking to him. Even being in the same room with him seemed to let the air out of her proverbial balloon.

3. Social isolation. Eventually, Owen seldomly left the house. When the family was home, he’d stay in his room, alone with the TV.

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Soon, Julie followed suit and became a virtual shut-in. Bringing Owen with her to social gatherings was too painful. She could see that their friends, who used to love Owen, now avoided him. His dark cloud must have appeared contagious to them as well.

For years, Julie and Owen exercised together. When it became too difficult for Julie to convince Owen to run with her anymore, Julie also stopped running. Running was once a way for Julie and Owen to stay in touch with their neighbors, who also were runners.Increasingly, Julie felt cut off, depressed at the loss of her old, fun, casual friendships.

4. Learned helplessness. Psychologist Martin Seligmanidentified the depressive phenomenon he labeled “learned helplessness.” When people are seriously depressed, trying to do anything feels overwhelming.

For example, for years, Julie and Owen shared household responsibilities. Eventually, however, Owen seemed to have lost his ability to see what needed to be done and take care of it. He seldomly swept the floor no matter how much food the baby had scattered on it. He’d get up from the dinner table and walk into the TV room as if there were no dishes to be cleared from the table.

With all the work of childcare and keeping up a household falling into her lap, Julie felt overwhelmed and helpless.

5. Dominant-submissive interactions. An episode of depression is usually triggered by a dominant-submissive interaction, like being criticized or told what to do, or by a decision in which someone submissively gives up on what they wanted. Owen had known for a while that the hostile relationship he had with his boss was likely to get him fired. One final flare-up did the tric, and Owen was the clear loser.

More from YourTango: How To Talk To Someone You Love That Is Depressed

As Owen’s depression continued, his wife became wary of doing anything that might make it worse. This concern led her to say yes far too often when she really wanted to say no. “Yes, I can clean up the kitchen;” “Yes, I’ll cancel our plans to go out with friends.”

Each time Owen and Julie made a decision together where one had to concede something of importance to him/her, more depression was the by-product.

6. It’s treatable. The good news is that depression is highly treatable. Psychotherapy, medications or both can make a significant difference. My experience as a therapist has clarified that couples therapy and/or a marriage education program is particularly high-impact for depressed people who are in ongoing relationships.

Recovery brings light back into your life. The main goal of all therapy for depression is for internal feelings of empowerment, optimism and positive energy to return, lifting depression’s dark cloud for everyone.

Denver clinical psychologist Susan Heitler, Ph.D. is author of PowerOfTwoMarriage.com, an interactive website that teaches the skills for marriage success.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Is Depression Contagious?.

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74 comments

+ add your own
8:33AM PDT on Aug 6, 2013

I recall how gloomy the atmosphere in our house was when my mother was in pain from a failed attempt to fix a broken hip, and how cheerful we all became when she's had the necessary operation.

Otherwise I would just add that a depressed person needs emotional support. People who just expect you to shake it off are a drag. You can't, however hard you work on it. It takes time and you have to accept this.

7:50PM PDT on Jul 11, 2013

thanks

2:16PM PDT on Jul 9, 2013

Very interesting article

10:45AM PDT on Jul 7, 2013

thanks

1:54AM PDT on Jul 7, 2013

Good info, thanks.

8:13PM PDT on Jul 5, 2013

ty

8:58AM PDT on Jul 5, 2013

Sometimes people act depressed when they just want attention. Some have learned this when they were young and continue the act into adulthood.

2:22PM PDT on Jul 4, 2013

great post--very informative and interesting. Empowerment is SOoooo important!

1:30PM PDT on Jul 4, 2013

Depression is contagious and hanging around with people who are depressed can be hard if you allow yourself get sucked into it. I try to maintain my own happy attitude and if it doesn't wear off on the other person, or they continuously lament about their life and try to make me see it their way, I'm outta there for awhile. I have a few people in my family suffering from various levels of depression and I spend more time with them when they are receptive to losing their depression than if they just want to wallow in it. Yes, depression is contagious....be careful.

12:23PM PDT on Jul 4, 2013

Julie let this go on waaaaaaaaaay too long.

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