I am a 36-year old woman with “leaving issues” (read: abandonment trauma from a military childhood filled with too many goodbyes), and the “Farewell Season” of the Oprah Winfrey Show is kicking my butt. Yes, I’m serious (and if you don’t want to hear about it because you can’t relate, move along… click on something else, because I don’t need any attitude from you in the comments.)
Saying goodbye used to be a slip-out-in-the-night kind of thing for me, a survival technique from long ago.
Leaving hurt. So…I pretended it wasn’t happening. When I was in elementary school, I would pick fights with my friends before moving out of state, sometimes even out of the country, without telling anyone. It was a lonely road to travel – no going away celebrations, no letter exchanges with old friends, no history.
That failed attempt to save me from many painful goodbyes left what I like to call “a big black hole of emptiness” inside me. Then, without any concern for the little girl who refused to honor the leaving with ceremony, Change came for me. The endings of places, relationships, familiarity, comfort, and even puppy love… happened anyway. Then, something new replaced them. Change cares not for an unwilling heart.
Anyway, so don’t laugh… or at least brace yourself so you won’t fall down from the laughing – my leaving issues are totally being triggered by the end of the Oprah Winfrey Show. It’s been 25 years. Do the math. I grew up watching that show. I became a woman, and learned what in the hell it meant to be a woman, watching that show. I’ve been inspired, empowered, and educated by Oprah. And because I’ve gained and lost what feels like a thousand pounds with her and her viewers over the years, I straight up sobbed yesterday watching the episode celebrating people who’ve lost more than 100 pounds.