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Leaving with Oprah

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Leaving with Oprah

I am a 36-year old woman with “leaving issues” (read: abandonment trauma from a military childhood filled with too many goodbyes), and the “Farewell Season” of the Oprah Winfrey Show is kicking my butt. Yes, I’m serious (and if you don’t want to hear about it because you can’t relate, move along… click on something else, because I don’t need any attitude from you in the comments.)

Saying goodbye used to be a slip-out-in-the-night kind of thing for me, a survival technique from long ago.

Leaving hurt. So…I pretended it wasn’t happening. When I was in elementary school, I would pick fights with my friends before moving out of state, sometimes even out of the country, without telling anyone. It was a lonely road to travel – no going away celebrations, no letter exchanges with old friends, no history.

That failed attempt to save me from many painful goodbyes left what I like to call “a big black hole of emptiness” inside me. Then, without any concern for the little girl who refused to honor the leaving with ceremony, Change came for me. The endings of places, relationships, familiarity, comfort, and even puppy love… happened anyway. Then, something new replaced them. Change cares not for an unwilling heart.

Anyway, so don’t laugh… or at least brace yourself so you won’t fall down from the laughing – my leaving issues are totally being triggered by the end of the Oprah Winfrey Show. It’s been 25 years. Do the math. I grew up watching that show. I became a woman, and learned what in the hell it meant to be a woman, watching that show. I’ve been inspired, empowered, and educated by Oprah. And because I’ve gained and lost what feels like a thousand pounds with her and her viewers over the years, I straight up sobbed yesterday watching the episode celebrating people who’ve lost more than 100 pounds.

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Christy Diane Farr

Christy Diane Farr is a catalyst. If that sounds like something you want more of in your life, visit 'The Greenhouse' at and join the Wildflower Evolution on Facebook.


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6:13PM PDT on May 26, 2011

oprah has more family than she'll ever know

1:31AM PDT on May 25, 2011

@Patricia G., I am unsure where that line is for everyone but for me it is here:

Fear is the thing that makes pain so awful. It's not the broken heart that's unbearable, but the fear that I might never love again. If I can let go of the fear and just grieve the broken heart, I will someday feel free to love again. It's not the extra weight that is unbearable, but the fear that I might never be "in control" of my health again. If I can let go of the fear and simple feel the sadness (or whatever the true emotion(s) are), then I will be free from them and able to move on.

For me, there has NEVER been a today pain that was so profound, so heavy, so life-restricting as as the original trauma. I have leaving pain from childhood. If I run, I revisit it and carry it over and over. If I just go there, leaning into this today experience which is allowing me to release old pain, and feel what there is bottled up inside of me, it always, always, always frees me from the pain... and being free from the pain, from the past, from that which is already behind us, is nothing to be afraid of.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this...

1:02PM PDT on May 24, 2011

How do we get to the point where we are not afraid of the pain?

5:40AM PDT on May 24, 2011

Sweet Christy... I totally relate to this. Much love and happiness to you. Be safe and happy.

8:17AM PDT on May 23, 2011

Quoting from your first lines: "and if you don’t want to hear about it because you can’t relate, move along… click on something else, because I don’t need any attitude from you in the comments" ...
This is a blog open to everyone and everyone should feel free to express their own opinion, with decency of course because I believed this is a community of mature people and writers. Now I am not sure anymore. I am sorry about your leaving issues but this is a little bit too infantile and in my opinion it spoiled the rest of your writing.

4:07PM PDT on May 19, 2011

Thank you, Anja... I did it and am waiting to see if the comment is "approved". Thank you for the suggestion. I would love for her to know how she touched my life.

4:54AM PDT on May 19, 2011

Dear Christy, I was so touched by your story. This was the idea that came to me after reading your story: why don't you send this article to Oprah herself? She would love to read it. (And maybe she will answere you back). Did you know that on her site there is an option for this? Go to: and on her first (home) page when you scroll down a bit, there is the option: "Leave Oprah a message: what has Oprah and her show meant to you? Submit a farewell video or write a farewell message in this guest book. Send Oprah your best wishes." So Oprah would love to hear it. I think saying goodbye in a good way is important in life. It helps to let go with love. I will write Oprah a message, I loved her shows all these years, and I am going to miss her.
So it's just an idea. Wanted to tell you. Take care, greetings, Anja.

1:04AM PDT on May 15, 2011

This article helped me understand issues in my own life.

8:04PM PDT on May 14, 2011

Christy, as an armed services brat myself it was very interesting to read your article. It gave me an insight into my past and current behaviour and patterns.

1:40PM PDT on May 14, 2011

Yes, to be not afraid of the pain does leave more room to BE with the people, animals and situations that you love... My experiences with my companion animals dying have tought me that. When I stopped shielding myself from the pain the terrible loneliness ended too.

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