While there are the classic men looking just for physical hook ups, more men are looking for a way to rekindle their best selves,† usually their memory of their pasts- winning games and having a future that was open and unburdened. They long to have the flame of curiosity that come with new affections interrupt their long term relationships that have traded a spark for complacent predictability.
The joke in the success of Ashley Madison is that whether the cheating partner is found out or not, they bear the same consequences.†† When we choose to save our best selves for interests outside of our primary relationship commitments, the places that need the same nurturing attention in the relationship wither and die. ††Without intending to,† we starve our relationship of the heart that it needs to find in order to grow and develop.
Musical chairs is fun for the kids who get to the seat first, but not for the kids who are thrown out of the circle every time.† The thrill that comes from new biology driven falling for someone is equally matched by the loneliness and alienation that is left to the primary relationship.†† Just as you donít have to enumerate your bad thoughts for others to know you are having them,† indiscretions create ripples and chasms in relationships that might never be recognized by its proper name.
In hindsight most people who are betrayed in a their long term relationship always own up to having known, had they allowed themselves to see it.† The most sure way to Ashley Madison proof your relationship is to be dedicated to learning to love.†† Deciding to invest the time, energy and passion that you would bring to a new relationship into your own, maybe just the spark it was missing all along.