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Longing for and Fear of Intimacy

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Longing for and Fear of Intimacy

by Pamela L. Chubbuck, Ph.D. , Contributor to Psychotherapy on

What many of us want most in life is love. What many of us are most afraid of is love. Sad but true. Millions of people are plagued by the ambivalence: You want it and push it away. Just when you find someone who does love you, can love you and wants to love you, you sabotage the relationship in some way.

Are you single and longing for love but somehow can’t find a partner? Have you ever experienced having to choose between a person who is available and loves you – and someone who is not willing to commit, or unable to give adult love – and you choose the one who cannot love you? Are you always in love with the person you are not with, and unable to accept the love available to you in your present relationship? Have you had serial partnerships always leaving when the romance dies away and the going gets tough? Have you lost your sexual desire for someone you love even though, otherwise, it’s a good relationship? Or perhaps your sexual responses are great but you do not open your heart to love? If you answer yes to any of these, you are longing for and fearful of intimacy, carrying a fear of true love.

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2:08PM PDT on Apr 24, 2012

Confession: guilty.

1:58PM PDT on Apr 16, 2012

the weird thing i keep seeing is people feeling the need to treat every little attractions bettween themselves and another person as a deep, meaningful and commited relationship WITHOUT getting to know the person first

6:00PM PDT on Apr 2, 2012


5:29PM PDT on Apr 1, 2012

I am not the only one? haha

4:25PM PDT on Mar 20, 2012

Very true I think. Thanks for the post.

2:22AM PDT on Mar 20, 2012

Thanks for sharing.

9:00AM PDT on Mar 17, 2012

interesting thanks

9:59AM PDT on Mar 13, 2012

very psychoanalytic....

9:53AM PDT on Mar 13, 2012


8:47PM PDT on Mar 12, 2012

Great article. Also, we always want what we cant have and chase it or aspire to getit. Yet, when we get it, if we get it, we push it away or dont want it anymore or become bored with it. Whether its love or new toys

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