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Making Love Sustainable

Making Love Sustainable

Sustainability is the catch phrase of this generation–it means learning how to use current resources in a way that does not harm the future. We hear about this in terms of building homes, cultivating food, and rethinking our natural and energy resources Basically, we are finally being compelled to listen to the voice of indigenous wisdom to our lives in such a way that we can meet the needs of the present generation without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs.

This wisdom is rarely applied to love, which I believe is the source of energy from which all else springs. Why then is it so difficult for so many of us to maintain our loving relationships? What skills and insights can we bring to our love relationships to allow them to flourish and sustain our lives into perpetuity? Answering these questions are at the core of thinking about how to make love sustainable in our lives.

We need to begin to appreciate that being in relationship, having a family and history with someone is a precious resource. If we could understand that the huge amounts of trust, time and loving intention that we invest in our early relationships are actually renewable resources, the currency of our future health and well being we may be motivated to create new strategies to maintain them. Sustaining your relationship with loving words and actions not only keeps your own intimacy vibrant, it becomes a living education of what love is for future generations.

A significant and yet, often misunderstood part of sustaining love is in making love. Sexuality is such a seriously repressed and misrepresented part of our identity and culture, that it is often the place that suffers first when the going gets rough in difficult phases of relationships. This is a shame on several levels–not only because more and more medical studies are supporting strong correlations between better mental and physical health and a strong sex life, but also because human sexuality has a transformative power that heals emotional issues by creating a bond in the deepest parts of ourselves.

Welcome to this new regular feature on sustainable love.

Habits of Love
“Love and intimacy are at the root of what makes us sick and what makes us well, what causes sadness and what brings happiness, what makes us suffer and what leads to healing. … I am not aware of any other factor in medicine- not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery–that has a greater impact on our quality of life, incidence of illness and premature death from all causes.” –Dr. Dean Ornish

These words began a revolution of thinking about the critical connections between our physical well being and our level of connection in life. As a heart doctor, Ornish paved the way in demonstrating not just a mind-body connection, but a heart connection which determines our well being, ability to heal, our most basic ability to enjoy life. That our physical heart is deeply connected and influenced by our relationships is intuitive and has been understood in this light since ancient civilizations, so in some ways the scientific studies only underline what we have always known. Love is the cure as well as the illness in our world, and evolving our ability to love increases not only our chances of survival but creates a depth and meaning in life that only happens in relationships.

The healing effects of intimacy and connection extend deeply into the physical act of lovemaking. Hundreds of major medical studies have shown that an active sex life leads to a longer life, better heart health, a healthier immune response, reduction in chronic pain symptoms, lower rates of depression and even protection against some cancers. Men who have regular sex (only twice per week) have half as many heart attacks as men who only have sex once per month. In fact, a regular garden variety sex life has been shown to extend life by as much as 10 years. People who enjoy a meaningful sex life are less anxious, fearful and inhibited.

If you are looking to green your lifestyle, why not start here. All the habits that you develop about sustaining your environment and home apply to your relationships. Feed your relationship with the same energy that you bring to the selection and preparation of your food shopping and cooking habits. Giving your time to composting and recycling is no different than finding the space to air out your feelings. Making commitments to simplify your life and reducing impact on the environment requires the same amount of mental energy as constructing the space and time for deep and meaningful touch in your days.

And just look at the sustainability benefits. Not only will you be happier and more optimistic as you take on the challenges of dealing with our quickly-changing biosphere, but you will likely be healthier and have more time to make a real difference. Greening your love has the power to extend out to the world in ways that we can barely imagine. It’s a worthy practice that can only make life more sustainable.

Wendy Strgar, the owner and founder of Good Clean Love, manufacturer of all natural love and intimacy products. She is a sex educator focusing on “Making Love Sustainable,” a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. She has learned that physical intimacy is an important component of sustaining healthy loving relationships through her own marriage of over 25 years.

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

13 comments

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11:37AM PDT on Oct 16, 2010

quote: "This is a shame on several levels–not only because more and more medical studies are supporting strong correlations between better mental and physical health and a strong sex life, but also because human sexuality has a transformative power that heals emotional issues by creating a bond in the deepest parts of ourselves."

People who write like this have obviously never been in a relationship, where most acts of sex have begun or end in harmful, hurtful words or deeds -- or the other person (usually the male) just ignoring the partner. Imagine sex without fore-play, without cuddling afterwards, without any sort of human touch accept for someone satisfying their sexual needs on your body -- with as little contact as possible. And to top it with a "No one could ever love you because you are so ugly."
When you've experienced this, repeatedly for a hundred times, then tell me it's a shame that I'm not jumping up and down with joy when someone suggests sex to me.
If you've not experienced this, and have had loving, caring partners -- lucky you! But please understand that not everyone has had the wonderful experiences you have had.

10:23AM PDT on May 29, 2010

Please sign this petition to help indigenous people fight for their rights and lives.
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/trucks-and-soldiers-enter-bushman-lands

10:23AM PDT on May 29, 2010

Please sign this petition to help indigenous people fight for their rights and lives.
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/trucks-and-soldiers-enter-bushman-lands

8:55AM PDT on Mar 25, 2009

What about platonic love? Sex can be a beautiful part of love, however many people cannot physically experience or fulfil their love sexually for various reasons, including illness/disease or other physical handicaps... Platonic love is romantic and exciting verging on the ideal! History has proven this thru famous artists, politicians, etc. Music, poetry, love letters between lovers can be so passionate and idyllic as to drive one to insanity, dementia, murder/suicide. Just as many have thru experiences of ecstatic platonic love been raised to a plateau or status in life of success, happiness and even genius. Many platonic love affairs of the heart are passionate, arousing and loving often transcending physical sex. Love is culminated in two becoming one in body, mind, spirit; in platonic love, perhaps "body" is missing, however there are ..."Two souls living in one body equals which equals soulmates . . .

11:56AM PST on Feb 16, 2009

It is quite possible for a hooker to be compassionate and caring but society certainly has made it harder plus the attitude of the john certainly plays a part. Hooker in a case like this might better be expressed as goddess!

3:06PM PST on Feb 13, 2009

Oh, I thought the sentence, "Hundreds of major medical studies have shown that an active sex life leads to a longer life, better heart health, a healthier immune response, reduction in chronic pain symptoms, lower rates of depression and even protection against some cancers," was speaking to sex, not relationships. Thank you for correcting me.

2:48PM PST on Feb 13, 2009

Christy C. I think you missed the point of the story. A hooker doesn't make personal connections with her "johns" and certainly doesn't "make love."
As far as self-love...absolutely right. One's ability to love others is only proportional to the ability to love oneself. Not saying that as a sexual thing, but could also apply there. :)

1:45PM PST on Feb 13, 2009

Maybe the book Dianetics could give some more answers to these above questions. It did a lot for me and millions other people. It is shown in www.dianetics.org. Wishing you the Best, Helene

12:53PM PST on Feb 13, 2009

I agree with Firy, self-love is much more important to your health than how many times per week you're "doing it" with someone else. How you view and treat yourself universally affects every aspect of your life, for good and bad.

I don't remember ever seeing a healthy hooker...off the silver screen, that is.

11:28AM PST on Feb 13, 2009

Diego, my boyfriend, is the best treasure I've got! We both plan on building up a sustainable love!

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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