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Meet Your Real Self
Your real self has qualities you are already experiencing every day: Intelligence, alertness, being tuned in, knowingness. Whenever any of these qualities comes into play, you are living closer to your real self. On the other hand, when you feel distracted, lost, confused, fearful, scattered, or trapped inside ego boundaries, you are not.
Experience seesaws between these two poles; therefore, one way to meet your real self is to push away from the opposite pole whenever you notice that you are there. Try to catch yourself in such a moment and pull away from it. Pick a strongly negative experience of the following kind (if possible, choose a repetitive one that has cropped up several times).
- Road rage.
- Arguing with your spouse.
- Resenting authority at work.
- Losing control over your children.
- Feeling cheated in a deal or transaction.
- Feeling betrayed by a close friend.
Put yourself back in the situation and feel what you felt then. You might want to close your eyes and visualize the car that cut you off in traffic or the plumber who handed you the outrageous bill. Do what it takes to make the situation vivid in your mind.
When you feel that stab of anger, hurt, mistrust, suspicion, or betrayal, say to yourself, “That’s how my ego feels. I can see why. I’m very used to it. I will go along as long as it lasts.” Now let the feeling run. Get as worked up as your ego wants; envision fantasies of revenge or self-pity, or whatever your ego thinks is appropriate. Imagine that you are swelling up with your feeling; it spreads out from you like the shock wave from a slow-motion explosion.
Follow this wave as far as it wants to go, watching it grow fainter and fainter as it spreads to infinity, filling the whole universe if it wants to. Take deep breaths if you need to in order to get the wave of feeling to depart from you and travel outward. Don’t time yourself. The feeling may be strong enough to take a while before it wants to expand.
Now, just as you see the wave disappearing into infinity, look at yourself and see if any of the following feelings are present:
- A giggle, a desire to laugh.
- A shrug, as if the whole thing is no big deal.
- A sense of calmness or peace.
- Looking at yourself as if at another person.
- A deep sigh of relief or exhaustion.
- A feeling of release or letting go.
- A sudden realization that the other person might be right.
These are the telltale feelings that arise in us when we are crossing the invisible boundary between ego and the real self.
Adapted from The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra (Three Rivers Press, 1997).
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24 comments
add your comment »I wanted to give you a update. I'm finding trouble with this exercise. I had one of my attacks the other day. I've gotten stressed out from discerning Ego from action & after is just as awful.
Is it possitable to have more than one Ego?
Not for lack of insight. I'm in need of some help,Please.
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thank you deepak. i have all your books and tapes, but i have no home now and they are in storage. ppl have been beyond cruel to me, and i have to forgive anyway and just do what i can, to forgive, but to use my intuition. however some of the cruelty demands action, as these are illegal type criminals that are sadistic, and if i don't do something about it they will hurt others too.
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What is said has to be the normal persons way of doing things.If you are feeling differently and react to situations you are not really responsible for,then that too is natural.However,taming yourself is what is being suggested to prevent unforced errors.A good and rational approach to self introspection and improvement.
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I would also ask the question ...is there such thing healthy ego.....until one knows all the answers...or well on the way ... one still has to resolve the underlaying issues which prevent us from "seeing" the whole picture?
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Unfortunately I don't think this process would work for eating disorders. I am currently in treatment for such and being caught up in Ego is where Eating Disorder flourishes. When the rage is turned inward, I don't think that a shrugging it off like it's no big deal is a very healthy thing to do.
Please correct me if I am wrong, or have interpreted this differently. Or if you have any suggestions.
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Go with the flow! I like the chance of being human, and experiencing the gamut of emotions. After all, we have permission. It's good to have a friend with presence of mind to help smooth the ruffled feathers when you can't get back on track with a giggle or sigh. Thanks, Dee.
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Thank you, this exercise really addresses my current issue.
I do fear that I maybe over conditioned to react. I have often in therapy named the ego ,"Sheikky",as if it something apart of myself. I will give this version a try,I hope to be able to find a release.
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I'm a bit confused. What are the suggestions to do while actualy "IN" a situation. I understand what I read above was to recapture a situation, but how do we do whatever it is to not get sucked into one, especially one that is so emotionally tied, say with a family member? The other day I suffered an emotional hangover and could really use some tips on how not to get caught up in the words of others.
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I wouldn't dare to try out this practice! I stopped 'feeling' a couple of years ago when I just couldn't face my life as it was any longer. At least now I am at peace with myself and absolutely won't let anything or anybody get me stressed or upset.
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Thank you, sir. This one really stimulates my imagination. There are some people I know who would really do some things if they would become completely immersed in negativity until it decides to leave them. However, it seems that these principles come from the classical school of thought, and I do believe they will work for some, and set off a keg of dynamite for others. Thanks, again.
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