How to Start Having Mindful Relationships
Accepting Emotional Responsibility
A lot of folks out there are just plain uncomfortable with the emotional responsibility of relationships, and it stumps me. I think of responsibilities in my life and relationships much how I expect my lungs to breath for me. I wonder if my lungs feel overwhelmed and crowded. Insecure about whether they are breathing deeply enough as to not disappoint me. Or if they had more time, would they breathe more deeply. Relationships are our breath in life. The way we relate to the Creator; is the way we relate to ourselves; is the way we relate to others and to fear the emotional responsibility of your relationship to the Creator, doesn’t make sense.
Spirituality & Religion
No matter if you follow a religion or not you have a relationship with the most expanded part of yourself, the Creator. By nature we nurture that part of ourselves. I am always mindful of what I have, and what I want, and the daily practice of mindfulness helps me to get it. Mindfulness is the practice of staying present to all the thoughts in your mind and then letting them go. By acknowledging everything; you are enabled to process unexpressed emotion and recognize old beliefs that may no longer support your current needs and focus. This creates a place for peace in your mind, body, and spirit. It is natural to expect the Creator to always reinforce your highest sentiment and to be replenished with the light of a loving universe if you have a place for that light to go.
Every Part of Your Heart
Every day I get up, I expect my body to work for me. I know that what I put into it, I get out of it. How I take care of it and nurture it, is how it takes care of me and nurtures me. That’s not to say that there aren’t days where I indulge my emotions and my spirit over my body, but guaranteed she always lets me know immediately. You see, we speak several times a day. It can get pretty busy in my head… “Hey Liver, how you doin today?” Kidneys? Heart? Ya…Heart…I know you really took one for the team yesterday, it’s ok, I know your sad. Cry it out. Would you like some more fish oils?” I believe that it is the natural expectation of consciousness that we will do all we can to take care of what we have been given, and that if we can’t take care of what we have, it’s best to not get more until we can. I know that when I can master what I have, more will come.
Meaners Not Doers
Our relationships with others are attracted to us based on our alignment with our self and our needs, and then negotiated from there. The mindfulness you give yourself is the mindfulness others will give you. Expectations are a natural part of any negotiation. If you mean well but don’t do well, then it makes sense that you would attract meaners and not doers. One of my favorite quotes is by Ben Franklin, “Well done is better than well said”. They say that when you truly love you don’t keep score in your relationships. I don’t know… my jury is still out on that. I think it is a part of the natural order to remember the things we like and the things we don’t. Remembering our traumas helps us to survive. Completely grieving our traumas are different than remembering them. Grieving takes permission, patience, and work. Grieving the loss of power and then mourning; figuring out how you will go about things moving forward. The lowest thing that anyone can ever do to you is to inspire you to do or be less then you are. You are the perfect light of the Universe. Ultimately, you are the one that decides the actions you will take.
Don’t Fight Fire With Fire
Today our culture is plagued with many ungrieved social traumas and it is time to give yourself permission to grieve the ones that you own, and let others grieve in their own time. If you practice mindfulness it will help you to cultivate your relationship to yourself, others, and the Creator in a better defined and loving way. Be who you are and not who others want you to be, by taking more time to be mindful of your needs and fulfilling them for yourself. That way you will have a clear understanding of the emotional responsibilities that you hold for yourself and that others hold for you. Fear and discomfort averted.