What makes a relationship something that people want to hold onto? What makes it special? Intimacy with your partner? Shared goals? Sex? I think the thing that makes a relationship special is that you are with the person you love. It’s special because it is two people doing something together that they are not doing with anyone else. That’s what marriage is, and the reason we outlaw polygamy is to preserve the sanctity (specialness) of marriage (love and sex).
Why would you want to preserve something that isn’t special and beautiful anyway?
Maybe I just don’t get it. Maybe because I am a woman, and have a hard time separating sex from emotion (love), I can’t possibly see the awesomeness of open relationships. And certainly, I want people to do what they want to do. I would never judge others for being non-monogamous, I just won’t date them.
I just feel–and it’s a gut feeling–that there’s something larger going on beneath the surface. It’s just a hunch, but I really think that it’s not monogamy that people don’t believe in. People who are into open relationships will tell you that they don’t believe in having sex with one person and that same person forever. But I don’t believe it. I think they don’t really believe in love, and I think they force themselves to deal with the thought of the person they love having sex with other people because they think that’s the only way to really hold onto their love.
I think what motivates people is often fear of loss or getting hurt, so they dumb down their relationships in order to protect themselves against pain. But people who do all they can to avoid pain, and I am often guilty of that myself, never truly get all the great feelings because they are constantly worried about the bad feelings. Pain and loss exist to make happiness and love feel even better.
If you don’t believe in “the one,” can you at least respect the one you are with right now enough to not sleep with everyone else? If non-monogamy is practical and “saves” relationships, then why do they break up just as often as monogamous couples do? If you are probably going to break up anyway, then why not at least have something special along the way? There is nothing you can do to avoid pain, so why not truly value joy while you have it?
Again, from The Princess Bride, “Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.” And folks, I did not get paid to write this article. I work for love.