Motherhood: How to Define the Role of a Lifetime

By Cheryl Saban, Intent

Were you raised with visions of Betty Crocker, the iconic perfect woman? The 1950s notion of what girls and women should and shouldn’t do was easily embedded. School curriculum paid almost no attention to the contributions and accomplishments of women, who for the most part were missing from our textbooks … unless, of course, they were helping famous men.

Even today, marriage and motherhood provide the subtext within which girls are encouraged to organize their place in life. The basic conceptualization of mothering is a theme that reaches across cultures; it is a common language women everywhere can speak.

That’s not to say, however, that all of us are fluent in it. Contrary to well-worn stereotypes, our domestic roles aren’t necessarily ordained by human nature, biology, or men’s and women’s psychology; they’re the result of overlapping factors including historical circumstances, race, religion, time period, and social practices. And it’s not a foregone conclusion that all women will become (or even desire to become) mothers, nor does it assure that once we become mothers, we’ll be able to do the job well.

With that said, motherhood continues to be a defining role that many of us crave. Are you a mother? If so, you’re among friends. There are an estimated 82 million moms in the U.S. alone. If you think that your relevance as a woman is wrapped around your ability as a mother–if it gives you a sense of self-worth, value and validation–accept major kudos. Women know that it’s not enough to create a satisfying life just for ourselves. We have always been concerned with the greater good of our children, families, communities, and the world.

Take responsibility for the value you add to your kids’ lives, for, as they say, children are our future. Always keep in mind that your strength, ability and input as a mother/teacher/nurturer to your offspring are valid and necessary components in the way the future of society unfolds.

But many women also know that when they devote every asset of themselves to others–be it to a partner, parent, friend or child–they can get lost along the way. You can avoid this fate by developing yourself in parallel to your little ones. Your ability and desire to start new activities and to grow as an individual will help you keep your unwieldy emotions in check when your kids individuate away from you. Continue to grow and redefine who you are.

Intent.com provides content and community for who you aspire to be–personally, socially and globally.

Read more: Children, Family, motherhood, Parenting & Family, self worth

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Maresa M.

11:23AM PDT on May 2, 2011

Indeed... But I still define myself 'a person', wheter I am mother or not.

send a green star

Past Member .

10:22AM PDT on Jun 19, 2009

thankyou...
Kabin
Konteyner
mega kabin

Ian B.

11:48PM PDT on Jun 11, 2009

I am a single father. I just got back from a Ziggy Marley and 311 combo concert. My 10 year old son, 6 year old daughter and I danced all night. I love being a mom like person and a dad like person. It is an intense experience. I have my children half the week and also run 3 businesses (work about 70 hours a week). Love is the answer for me. Follow the path of love and we will find prosperity. It requires massive work and sacrifice but is completely worth all of it. Our world needs us to teach our children to be loving, helpful to society, and respectful to mother earth. Thank you for the inspiring message from Jennifer M.
Cheers!
Ian

Carla S.

10:14PM PDT on Jun 10, 2009

We are doing our best to live the realizations we are experiencing!
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ayla -.

10:26AM PDT on Jun 8, 2009

I made a conscious decision not to have children but I ended up having a beautiful girl anyways. I have no regrets that I had her, she's my ray of sunshine BUT it took me a long long time to define what my purpose for her was.. Simply, raise her to love herself and her planet. Too much pressure is bad for kids. I know that first hand!

Jennifer R.

9:43AM PDT on Jun 8, 2009

I am glad I was finally able to have a child after many years of infertility. I am among the oldest moms I know with young children, but I still enjoy being a mom, finally.

cecily w.

8:45PM PDT on Jun 6, 2009

I am confused about the intent of this essay. I have two daughters who I love dearly, but they are pushing 50. They have not lived with me for more years than they did live with me.
I see them often and am glad that I do, but to suggest that one's "relevance as a woman is wrapped around your ability as a mother" is misleading.

Women now may live for many years. Many (in fact 71.7%) responsibly complete their families with two or fewer biological children--including the 20.4% who have zero children. Many women become involved in efforts to improve conditions for other people, animals, or invest themselves in scientific discoveries. A lot of women are employed for more than 30 years.

Yes, mothers must take care of their children, or ensure that they are well taken care of, while their children or children. But one of the greatest gifts that a mother, or father for that matter, can give children is a role model of a competent human being who is capable of taking care of oneself.

Susan B.

7:54PM PDT on Jun 6, 2009

I am extremely glad that I made a conscious decision NOT to have children.