When I launched Owning Pink a year and a half ago, my goal was to stay true to my authentic self, even as I revealed more and more of myself publicly. Many times, when writing a post — and later, writing Whatís Up Down There? — I questioned how much to reveal. Where do you draw the line between being authentic and just TMI (too much information)? Iíve been known to tweet on Twitter about signing off so I can go get lucky with my hubby. Iíve written openly in my blog and my book about the HPV that led me to have a procedure on my cervix meant to ward off cervical cancer. Iím featured in Redbook magazine this month discussing the sexual dysfunction that contributed to the demise of my first marriage. In my book, I confess to the elective C-section I had, the one I lied to everyone about when it happened four years ago. I write openly about the ambivalent feelings I had as a new mother.
So why am I doing this? Donít I have any sense of modesty? Donít I have secrets Iíd prefer to keep to myself? Is nothing sacred? Does the world really need to know every little detail of my life? Arenít there people I should protect? Do I really want to be ALL ME, ALL THE TIME? These are great questions — ones I wind up asking myself all the time.
For most of my life, I modulated everything I put out there in the world. I didnít tell my friends where I applied to college because I didnít want them to know if I wasnít accepted to my first choice school. I kept secrets from my parents because I was afraid they wouldnít love me if they knew the truth. I was afraid to tell one boyfriend that I had slept with someone he knew, thinking he might not like me if I confessed. I wasnít living truthfully in other ways, as well. I did things at work I didnít want to do because I was afraid Iíd get the boot if I stood up for what I believed was right. I hung out with people I didnít respect because I was afraid to be honest about how I wanted to live my life. In other words, I spent too much of my youth living a lie.