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Needy Child or Healthy Adult? Quiz

Needy Child or Healthy Adult? Quiz

What part of you is the most activated in your relationships, the needy child or the healthy adult? Most of us still have unmet childhood needs roiling around inside us that can color and affect our relationships, while the more mature part of us tries to deal with things in a healthier way. Answer these questions to see where you are in the spectrum of relationships. Take the quiz here:

Which of the following statements might you make to your partner in a love relationship?

1. End my loneliness.

2. Be my companion while both of us respect each other’s need to be alone at times.

3. Make me feel good.

4. I take responsibility for my own feelings and don’t expect or need to feel good all the time.

5. Give in to me.

6. Negotiate with me.

7. Never betray me, lie to me, or disappoint me.

8. I accept you as fallible and seek to address, process, and resolve issues with you.

9. Help me not to have fear. I depend on you.

10. Help me to learn to love. We depend on each other.

11. Totally fulfill my needs.

12. Moderately fulfill my needs.

13. Help me repeat old, painful scenarios from childhood and former relationships.

14. I have mourned the past, learned from it, and now want something better.

15. Indulge my ego.

16. Confront and free my ego.


If you answered mostly odd-numbered statements, your inner child is saying, “I am looking for stability outside myself. I demand 100 percent of my need fulfillment from my partner.”


If you answered mostly even-numbered statements, your healthy adult is saying, “I am looking for a setting that honors and enriches the stability I have inside. I hope to get about 25 percent of my need fulfillment from my partner.”

Read more: Guidance, Life, Quizzes, Self-Help

Adapted from How to Be An Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002). Copyright (c) 2002 by David Richo. Reprinted by permission of Shambhala.
Adapted from How to Be An Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002).

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Annie B. Bond

Annie is a renowned expert in non-toxic and green living. She was named one of the top 20 environmental leaders by Body and Soul Magazine and "the foremost expert on green living." - Body & Soul Magazine, 2009. Learn Annie's latest eco-friendly news on, a website dedicated to healthy and green living.

Go to the Source

How to Be An Adult in Relationships

The five keys to mindful now


+ add your own
3:34AM PDT on May 6, 2013

Healthy adult. Thanks for sharing

3:13PM PDT on Mar 24, 2013


7:45PM PDT on Mar 23, 2013

Thank You :)

12:48AM PDT on Oct 20, 2012

Thanks for the information

12:48AM PDT on Sep 7, 2012

Thanks Annie.

5:42PM PDT on Aug 12, 2012


6:29AM PST on Feb 13, 2012

I am (thankfully enough given my age!) an adult.
Nice to know!
Thanks for the article.

4:52AM PST on Mar 11, 2011

Thanks for the info.

1:35AM PDT on May 20, 2010


10:14AM PDT on May 18, 2010

Thank you but I seen to find myself being both but needy child higher. Relationships for me never are too good.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

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