What part of you is the most activated in your relationships, the needy child or the healthy adult? Most of us still have unmet childhood needs roiling around inside us that can color and affect our relationships, while the more mature part of us tries to deal with things in a healthier way. Answer these questions to see where you are in the spectrum of relationships. Take the quiz here:
Which of the following statements might you make to your partner in a love relationship?
1. End my loneliness.
2. Be my companion while both of us respect each other’s need to be alone at times.
3. Make me feel good.
4. I take responsibility for my own feelings and don’t expect or need to feel good all the time.
5. Give in to me.
6. Negotiate with me.
7. Never betray me, lie to me, or disappoint me.
8. I accept you as fallible and seek to address, process, and resolve issues with you.
9. Help me not to have fear. I depend on you.
10. Help me to learn to love. We depend on each other.
11. Totally fulfill my needs.
12. Moderately fulfill my needs.
13. Help me repeat old, painful scenarios from childhood and former relationships.
14. I have mourned the past, learned from it, and now want something better.
15. Indulge my ego.
16. Confront and free my ego.
If you answered mostly odd-numbered statements, your inner child is saying, “I am looking for stability outside myself. I demand 100 percent of my need fulfillment from my partner.”
If you answered mostly even-numbered statements, your healthy adult is saying, “I am looking for a setting that honors and enriches the stability I have inside. I hope to get about 25 percent of my need fulfillment from my partner.”
Adapted from How to Be An Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002). Copyright (c) 2002 by David Richo. Reprinted by permission of Shambhala.
Adapted from How to Be An Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002).