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Needy Child or Healthy Adult? Quiz

posted by Annie B. Bond Apr 11, 2005 12:42 pm
5 comments

Adapted from How to Be An Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002).

What part of you is the most activated in your relationships, the needy child or the healthy adult? Most of us still have unmet childhood needs roiling around inside us that can color and affect our relationships, while the more mature part of us tries to deal with things in a healthier way. Answer these questions to see where you are in the spectrum of relationships. Take the quiz here:

Which of the following statements might you make to your partner in a love relationship?

1. End my loneliness.

2. Be my companion while both of us respect each other’s need to be alone at times.

3. Make me feel good.

4. I take responsibility for my own feelings and don’t expect or need to feel good all the time.

5. Give in to me.

6. Negotiate with me.

7. Never betray me, lie to me, or disappoint me.

8. I accept you as fallible and seek to address, process, and resolve issues with you.

9. Help me not to have fear. I depend on you.

10. Help me to learn to love. We depend on each other.

11. Totally fulfill my needs.

12. Moderately fulfill my needs.

13. Help me repeat old, painful scenarios from childhood and former relationships.

14. I have mourned the past, learned from it, and now want something better.

15. Indulge my ego.

16. Confront and free my ego.

If you answered mostly odd-numbered statements, your inner child is saying, “I am looking for stability outside myself. I demand 100 percent of my need fulfillment from my partner.”

If you answered mostly even-numbered statements, your healthy adult is saying, “I am looking for a setting that honors and enriches the stability I have inside. I hope to get about 25 percent of my need fulfillment from my partner.”

More on Guidance (530 articles available)
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el Cassie

is this real the paragraph above?...

el Cassie

is this real?above..

Dela Kisseh

i am boy of 15 ok age and i an alone and my mothere are not taeing care of me so i am looking a parson who can teka me as his son and i want to like the parson and not his gate man and i like the parson shall do want i like and i will make th parson no who iam the thins i don't want in my life is that the parson will do what i will not be happy.the parson who will take me as his son will be bless till the day god will call that par son .i am going to tell u the thins i not need to be hereinh it i dont need lies and i dont what some one to disappoint me . and i dont some to insult me in my life and i dont some one beat me to. and i have some to till u iam not have mother and d father and i am stayin withmy siser and i need a help from some one and who will feel pite for and help me so that i can take u as my father or mother and i will do what u like and u also do what i need from u the reasons why came to do this thing is that iam in j.h.s and my sister is not working that why i came here iam looking for some who can teke of me iwill saying this till i die i what some to help me .my nam,e is ransome
iam in J.H.S
i come from ghana and i live ic ara in ghana
iam 15 years of age
the food i like best is rice and chicken
and i like playing football
and the name fofmy school isaggrey basic school and i am iinJ.H.S.1 and i am going to complete school in 2years later and i nedd to go to secondrey school but who is goinh to help me to go to school i need some

Dela Kisseh

never betray me , lie to me or disappoint me.

Dela Kisseh

i am boy of 15 ok age and i an alone and my mothere are not taeing care of me so i am looking a parson who can teka me as his son

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Adapted from How to Be An Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002). Copyright (c) 2002 by David Richo. Reprinted by permission of Shambhala.

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