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Oral Taboo

Uneasiness about oral sex is probably more common than oral sex itself. Although, more women can orgasm through oral sex than intercourse, many feel anxious about it. The most common issues of discomfort are about smell, taste and relinquishing control. The literal and emotional opening up that giving yourself to the pleasures of oral sex requires, is a big leap for many women. Often they feel that there is no point in allowing themselves the vulnerability of the experience of oral sex because they may well have had many partners that were unwilling or unable to keep it going for the 15 to 20 minutes that the average woman requires of clitoral stimulation to climax. Satisfying oral sex for both men and women requires perseverance, patience and commitment to someone else’s pleasure.

Many people have few resources to learn and improve their skills and no one is excited to admit their ignorance or inexperience, yet there really is no topic that deserves or requires real communication and feedback as much. Finding a language to ask for what we want and to express what feels good for our partners takes courage and simultaneously builds trust. Your partner needs more than “it was fine” to teach them what kind of touch, frequency and intensity really brings you pleasure. Moaning and verbal cues are good signs, but don’t be afraid to add words to your experience.

The topic of swallowing male ejaculate is one that women discuss for most of their life. The range of taste and consistency in semen is as unique as the men themselves. Your taste, like your scent is a product of what you ingest, with vegetarians having the lightest taste of all. Fresh fruit and vegetables tend to lighten taste and odor while coffee and alcohol tends to make it stronger. Don’t feel bad if you aren’t comfortable swallowing, you can use your hands or switch to vaginal sex to finish the act. Choosing not to swallow does not take any pleasure away from the act.

And where comfort and pleasure are concerned, any body part slippery and scented is sexier than that same body part dry. Strategic use of aphrodisiac love oils, pleasure butters and body desserts in the course of oral exploration of your lover not only eliminates the scent/taste concerns that both partner might share about going down but also work on stimulating the arousal mechanism in the brain. If you love the raw smell of your partner, consider just adding a little water to keep things wet and smooth.

While pressure and strokes are deeply personal preferences, most women prefer a slow, gentle technique. Increasing pressure and intensity in oral sex is perhaps the most intimate conversation two people can have without words. As with any kiss, developing your own personal art and style involves understanding and coordinating the variety of sensations that tongues and lips offer. Paying attention to the sensations and techniques that send you over the edge and allowing fantasy to inform you and replace your inhibitions in the process will surprise you with uniquely passionate yet changing experiences.

Editors Note: Look for Wendy’s post on Safe Oral Sex, next Tuesday, September 29.

Wendy Strgar is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. She helps couples tackle the questions and concerns of intimacy and relationships, “I feel like I am inventing a language to give intimacy back to the people, take the fear away and open a space for physical love to serve as the glue that holds relationships together.” Wendy lives in Eugene, Oregon with her husband, a psychiatrist, and their four children ages 11-20. 

Read more: Love, Mental Wellness, Relationships, Sex

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

66 comments

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12:51AM PST on Nov 21, 2013

Thank you :)

9:37PM PDT on Oct 25, 2013

When was this first put out? Nothing new here.

2:31PM PDT on Oct 12, 2013

interesting...the headline is eye catching....

2:14AM PDT on Oct 10, 2013

I think any posture and technique in the western world (among monotheists...) is a taboo anyway.

2:07AM PDT on Oct 10, 2013

interesting

2:06AM PDT on Oct 10, 2013

Thanks for the article Wendy :)

12:51PM PDT on Sep 26, 2013

Wow, so much opinionated misinformation in this article to comment on but only time for a few points... It can makes a HUGE difference for a mans pleasure, physically and emotionally, when his partner swallows and can be insulting when they don't... There are many factors for the taste or odor of male and female sexual fluids other than what one eats... By the authors logic, a fruitarian would have the best taste, there are many vegetarians who eat crap foods and drink coffee/alcohols. From reading these comments, I can see there is a glaring generational gap from todays youth versus older people, that is as sad as is comical. Or maybe many of these care2 readers are coming from a geriatric religious community center with adult content filtered internet access.

3:19PM PDT on Sep 20, 2013

Mmmmmmmm!!!!

12:54PM PDT on Sep 20, 2013

enjoy giving and receiving, nothing bad about pleasuring your partner orally

5:53AM PDT on Sep 17, 2013

It must be a taboo for a reason...

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