We would all like to think that if we parent perfectly our children will always behave perfectly. They will never get in trouble with the law, with drugs or alcohol, in school, etc. For some this does turn out to be true, but for many others, all the good parenting in the world does not keep our children from walking down the path they were taught to avoid.

In his book The Book of Secrets, Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life, Deepak Chopra refers to a 1971 Stanford University study in which volunteers were asked to simulate a prison, some portraying the prisoners and some the guards. To simulate the guards, they

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A note to young parents. It is important to instill values in our children. Keeping them busy is another good strategy for keeping them "out of trouble". Hopefully in doing this, your child will enter young adulthood unscathed by much of the problems some teens face. However, a word of caution, sometimes parents can do everything right and still a child follows a path that goes against everything his/her parents taught them. Involved parents do everything possible to provide structure, activity and example and to prevent our children from experiencing trauma. But sometimes even the most protective and involved parents find their children choosing paths that go against everything we've taught them and against everything our children once believed was undesirable. Hopefully you your children will be lucky and not blindsided by unexpected and seemingly unwarranted behavior. Hopefully your children will not experience unexpected trauma that can result in drastic behavioral changes.

When you see a child or teen in trouble, hopefully you will lay aside judgement and understand that children that get in trouble are crying for help. They either have no guidance at home or they may have had a very traumatic experience that causes them to lose perspective. They need help, not judgement. They also may have parents that are doing everything they know how to do. If, one day, you find your children in unexpected trouble, love, be patient, and never, ever give up on them.

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15 years ago, either I was too naieve or oblivious to reality, but I thought that gangs only happened in the large cities. Then, in a little town in WI, someone drove by and shot at our police department. A SMALL town. Only a gas station, and the usual bars and churches and school. Gangs were becoming even a reality for me. Five or six years ago our city next door was voted one of the best places in WI to raise your child. Four years ago I lived there and had my car broken into and every single thing of value in it was stolen.

Awesomely said, David Harmon!!! I can 90% guarantee that the parents of a 14 to 18 year old delinquents didn't have control over them while they were young children. Kids need to be taught cooperation, consideration, respect, responsibility, consequences... all of that and more while they are KIDS! Those are the EXACT words my mother used on me while growing up and I am now passing them along to my 5 year old son :)

Idle hands idle hands... Start EARLY with EVERYTHING you want to teach your child. This is how a parent first teaches those important words in the paragraph before. They respect you more because all they wanted to do was please you at that age. Then they have the fear of mom and dad in them. They don't want to have to deal with the justice system AND the parents they let down!

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I'm with Gretchen Small on this. As a former educator now living in a neighborhood populated by families who think parenting stops after giving birth, I think it sometimes necessary to remove a kid from his/ger home environment and place the individual in an age appropriate living situation to redeive support, guidance and hopefully learn personal discipline and develop goals. Yes there are some bad living alternatives for kids in trouble which should be closed of overhauled. But when a young adult comes up to you years later and says "thanks for getting out of my old hood. My life is good, i have a trade and I have a future" , it is apparent a big breaak can be lifesaving.
The author talks about moral ambiguity. I want children to understand the gray nature of some choices in life but it is important to first firm up the golden rule of right and wrong and to know that disagreement is a cornerstone fo r inderstanding and love.

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My 17 year old daughter and I were just talking about this yesterday. We both agree that detention is unproductive and usually results in more delinquent behavior. In particular we were discussing charging children as adults and sentencing them to life in prison. We discussed the option of rehabilitation centers instead of traditional incarceration. Shouldn't we be trying to figure out what causes dangerous and anti-social behavior? Discovering the cause is the first step to the cure.

On a personal note, a teenage boy we knew a few years ago had been in and out of the juvenile detention center. At this time, he had community service hours to fulfill as sentenced by the court. He had difficulty finding places at which to volunteer, because his charges involved drugs. I thought I would help him out and called two large churches in the area, thinking they would be glad to help. After all, isn't service to the community what churches are supposed to be about? Evidently not. I had hoped they would work with, not only this boy, but work with me to start a program with the juvenile court system to provide both a safe and uplifting atmosphere to fulfill teen offenders' community service requirements and mentors to help teen offenders find their way to healthy, lawful and happy living. I guess churches aren't the answer, but I hope there are some organizations out there that would consider helping troubled youth in this manner. They need help not punishment.

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i wonder how many of you who have left comments even have kids or have raised teens. i did spend time with my kids and i did talk to my kids and disapline my kids. i worked with my kids every day with home projects and school work. we went places and spent time together but that still did not stop one son from getting into trouble. we had our chore chart. we grew a garden. we went for walks and caught turtles and snakes and put them back. we went for bike rides.we had loving caring extended family members. we had church activities. it was in my sons personality to try to buck the system. he did have a caring probation officer and it did seem to make a difference. we have to continue to work with our so called times and our kids personalities and their need to fit in or buck the system. it has been the same since the begining of time in some form or another. find help if you need it. the system did work for us. maybe we got lucky and found people who cared. different times, different problems. the system and the parents and the child all need to get on board. my sons famous line was...why should i respect adults who have no respect for me. i have to admit that many times he was right on with that thought.he could not get past the teacher who was there just for the paycheck or the church member who could preach it and not follow it or the police officer who allowed power to go to his head. one son could ignor it but the other could not. its just tough growing up. .

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i wonder how many of you who have left comments even have kids or have raised teens. i did spend time with my kids and i did talk to my kids and disapline my kids. i worked with my kids every day with home projects and school work. we went places and spent time together but that still did not stop one son from getting into trouble. we had our chore chart. we grew a garden. we went for walks and caught turtles and snakes and put them back. we went for bike rides.we had loving caring extended family members. we had church activities. it was in my sons personality to try to buck the system. he did have a caring probation officer and it did seem to make a difference. we have to continue to work with our so called times and our kids personalities and their need to fit in or buck the system. it has been the same since the begining of time in some form or another. find help if you need it. the system did work for us. maybe we got lucky and found people who cared. different times, different problems. the system and the parents and the child all need to get on board. my sons famous line was...why should i respect adults who have no respect for me. i have to admit that many times he was right on with that thought.he could not get past the teacher who was there just for the paycheck or the church member who could preach it and not follow it or the police officer who allowed power to go to his head. one son could ignor it but the other could not. its just tough growing up. .

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a couple of things

first, it's crazy to let kids out of school two hours before their parents get home from work.

secondly, the los angeles city council just voted to help keep homeboy industries going with a gang prevention contract. homeboy industries provides job training, employment, counseling, and tattoo removal for ex-gang members.

finally, i'd like to pay tribute to a boy named juan espinoza. he lived in fifteen different foster homes, and developed anger problems. he was on dr. phil a couple of months ago in order to get his life on track. a couple of weeks ago, he got into an argument at a park and was fatally shot. he had hopes of going into the military and going to college. his life didn't have to be this way. we need to care about other kids the way we care about our own.

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upwards of 70% of adult prison inmates are in for drug offenses and in juvenile detention the percentage is at least that high.......perhaps we need to look hard at treating drug use as a social issue.....if we criminalize the non-violent drug user, we are creating criminals on a mass scale out of individuals who engage in a personal behavior that may or may not have social consequences.

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i am a former police officer who went into juvenile justice. i work in a small state detention facility. most of our kids cycle through detention at least 4 times (some many more) before they either get a "long-term" court order (1 to 2 years) or get their act together. when the system works, it is because a particular kid suddenly "clicks" with a particular adult mentor. too much of the time we are merely "warehousing" teenagers until they are old enough to enter adult corrections. since most of the kids i see in here come from homes that lack a strong positive role model, i am convinced that the most positive direction juvenile justice can take is in approaching rehabilitation through a mentoring model. providing mentors for kids before they reach adolescence would be a preventative model that can save immense amounts of money--not to mention incalculable human misery and waste of human potential and there are studies available to provide the statistics. (Big Brothers Big Sisters and home-nurse programs in Colorado and other states have been studied in 15 year follow-up surveys, and the numbers are impressive.) locking juveniles up may sometimes be necessary to remove them from damaging influences, but once inside, if they don't partner up with a mentor they trust and respect, there is little chance of long-term positive change.

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