I know that pleasure is life transformational and healing – because I lived it and everyone around me witnessed the changes in my being and my life. But we all have obstacles to pleasure (me too), and the trick is to figure out yours and learn to move them out of the way.
The roadblocks to the healing and transformational power of pleasure are really quite common. Some of the favorites are:
1. Guilt: “I don’t deserve pleasure.” “There is too much to do and others have to come first.” “Pleasure can cost money and I really should be spending money on more important things.” “Maybe, if I complete this job, lose the weight, or clean the house – I might think about having what gives me pleasure. But until then – I would just feel too guilty.”
2. Shame: Sometimes we have shame around the source of our pleasure. What turns us on or our desires embarrasses us. Some of the scripts around shame can sound like this…”I am too fat to eat that even though it would give me pleasure.” “Who gets turned on sexually by THAT? I must be some kind of a freak!” “I can’t let anyone know that I went shopping and spent money on myself! I will have to hide this shopping bag!” “I am a really bad person for wanting…….”
3. Fear: I think that this obstacle to pleasure can be very close to shame. I know that for me - I was really frightened that if I truly embraced who I was as a sexual being that I would simply be too big sexually! That no one would be able to handle me or want me. That somehow I would make a spectacle out of myself. I was frightened of my own sexuality. I also get scared of the scale. I worry that if I eat something simply because it will give me pleasure that it will show the next day on the scale – and somehow that will make me a bad person.
Does any of this ring true for you? Even if my examples are not true for you – does the idea strike a cord?
Think about these possible roadblocks to your own true pleasure. Allow yourself to really think about how these obstacles are holding you back. What are your triggers? Are you worried what your partner might think if you told him or her that you wanted to be tied up or to experiment with sex toys?
Often we have to start in a place of compassion with our own selves. If we really want to bring healing, fun and pleasure into our lives – we have to be able to forgive ourselves enough to let it in. This is not easy – but if we can raise awareness it’s a beginning.
My advice? Go slowly. When it comes to pleasure – we are not in a race. There is no finish line – really the important place is in the moment.
Reaching for your true pleasure is not selfish. It is actually the opposite of selfishness. Once you create the time in your busy life, and remove some of the obstacles to pleasure – you will find that your life begins to be filled with the benefits of pleasure! You will begin to transform.
The benefits of pleasure will spill out and over to your family, friends, and community. I promise!
So what do you think? Do you have roadblocks to pleasure? What would happen if you started to take them down?