Romance or Addiction? Quiz

When is a romance actually an addiction? It is all too easy to get obsessive over relationships, and it can take real work to see what we are really up to when we let obsessive thoughts spill over into compulsive actions.

Is your relationship a romance or an addiction? Take this quiz to find out, and to get a helpful key that can start the healing for a relationship addiction, here:

Which of the following in each pair of phrases best describes my relationship or my feelings in this relationship?

A phase–or–ongoing

Need fulfillment with a sense of contentment–or–neediness felt as a bottomless pit

Desire for contact–or–desperation for contact

Proportional–or–more is given as less is received

Usually egalitarian–or–often hierarchical


Has a future–or–has no future

Feelings of satisfaction and joy–or–feelings of not being able to get enough

Secure–or–always in doubt

Anticipation for next meeting–or–painful or intolerable absences

Increases self-esteem–or–lowers self-esteem

Loose boundaries–or–no boundaries

Both partners relating to each other–or–one partner being possessed by the other

Begins the challenging journey to love–or–becomes a vicious cycle of pain

If many of the second phrases in each pair applied to your relationship, you may need some help recovering from a relationship addiction. Try saying this aloud to see if it applies to you:

“Actually, every thought about the person who loved me or left me is really a plea for attention from the wounded non-grown-up part of me now experiencing its original pain through this newest version of the Dad or Mom who abandoned me, either physically or emotionally. Obsessive thoughts about this present man (or woman) are actually urgent pleas from my past. Great pain in present relationships gives me a perhaps unwelcome clue to the family ties broken long ago. This person only triggers the old–but ever-current–predicament.”

Adapted from How to Be an Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002). Copyright (c) 2002 by David Richo. Reprinted by permission of Shambhala.
Adapted from How to Be an Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002).


Nils Anders Lunde
PlsNoMessage se3 years ago


Elena T.
Elena Poensgen3 years ago

Thank you :)

ANA MARIJA R.4 years ago

Thank you, Annie:)

Heidi H.
Past Member 4 years ago

We all know the signs. We have to learn to heed our intuition.

Aud Nordby
Aud nordby4 years ago


Patricia H.
Patricia H.4 years ago


Lenee K.
Lenee K.4 years ago

Helpful - thanks!!

Danuta Watola
Danuta Watola4 years ago

Thanks for the post.

Victor M.
Victor M.4 years ago


Samantha S.
Samantha Shira4 years ago

romance(: all 1st answer. loved the one about beginning the challenging journey to love