When is a romance actually an addiction? It is all too easy to get obsessive over relationships, and it can take real work to see what we are really up to when we let obsessive thoughts spill over into compulsive actions.
Is your relationship a romance or an addiction? Take this quiz to find out, and to get a helpful key that can start the healing for a relationship addiction, here:
Which of the following in each pair of phrases best describes my relationship or my feelings in this relationship?
Need fulfillment with a sense of contentment–or–neediness felt as a bottomless pit
Desire for contact–or–desperation for contact
Proportional–or–more is given as less is received
Usually egalitarian–or–often hierarchical
Has a future–or–has no future
Feelings of satisfaction and joy–or–feelings of not being able to get enough
Secure–or–always in doubt
Anticipation for next meeting–or–painful or intolerable absences
Increases self-esteem–or–lowers self-esteem
Loose boundaries–or–no boundaries
Both partners relating to each other–or–one partner being possessed by the other
Begins the challenging journey to love–or–becomes a vicious cycle of pain
If many of the second phrases in each pair applied to your relationship, you may need some help recovering from a relationship addiction. Try saying this aloud to see if it applies to you:
“Actually, every thought about the person who loved me or left me is really a plea for attention from the wounded non-grown-up part of me now experiencing its original pain through this newest version of the Dad or Mom who abandoned me, either physically or emotionally. Obsessive thoughts about this present man (or woman) are actually urgent pleas from my past. Great pain in present relationships gives me a perhaps unwelcome clue to the family ties broken long ago. This person only triggers the old–but ever-current–predicament.”
Adapted from How to Be an Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002). Copyright (c) 2002 by David Richo. Reprinted by permission of Shambhala.
Adapted from How to Be an Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002).