Romance or Addiction? Quiz

When is a romance actually an addiction? It is all too easy to get obsessive over relationships, and it can take real work to see what we are really up to when we let obsessive thoughts spill over into compulsive actions.

Is your relationship a romance or an addiction? Take this quiz to find out, and to get a helpful key that can start the healing for a relationship addiction, here:

Which of the following in each pair of phrases best describes my relationship or my feelings in this relationship?

A phase–or–ongoing

Need fulfillment with a sense of contentment–or–neediness felt as a bottomless pit

Desire for contact–or–desperation for contact

Proportional–or–more is given as less is received

Usually egalitarian–or–often hierarchical

Reciprocal–or–one-sided

Has a future–or–has no future

Feelings of satisfaction and joy–or–feelings of not being able to get enough

Secure–or–always in doubt

Anticipation for next meeting–or–painful or intolerable absences

Increases self-esteem–or–lowers self-esteem

Loose boundaries–or–no boundaries

Both partners relating to each other–or–one partner being possessed by the other

Begins the challenging journey to love–or–becomes a vicious cycle of pain

If many of the second phrases in each pair applied to your relationship, you may need some help recovering from a relationship addiction. Try saying this aloud to see if it applies to you:

“Actually, every thought about the person who loved me or left me is really a plea for attention from the wounded non-grown-up part of me now experiencing its original pain through this newest version of the Dad or Mom who abandoned me, either physically or emotionally. Obsessive thoughts about this present man (or woman) are actually urgent pleas from my past. Great pain in present relationships gives me a perhaps unwelcome clue to the family ties broken long ago. This person only triggers the old–but ever-current–predicament.”

Read more: Guidance, Inspiration, Life, Quizzes, Self-Help

Adapted from How to Be an Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002). Copyright (c) 2002 by David Richo. Reprinted by permission of Shambhala.
Adapted from How to Be an Adult in Relationships, by David Richo (Shambhala, 2002).

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Victor M.

1:26PM PDT on Mar 16, 2012

chemistry

send a green star

Samantha S.

10:54AM PDT on Mar 16, 2012

romance(: all 1st answer. loved the one about beginning the challenging journey to love

Rosie L.

11:12AM PDT on Mar 15, 2012

interesting thanks for sharing!!

Jane B.

6:10PM PST on Feb 11, 2012

This is just one more confusing article trying to explain why our thinking brain can't "control" our animal brain. ALL our emotions come from our ANIMAL BRAIN and that's where our SEX DRIVE resides. LOVE is the ANIMAL PART OF US. Sexual attraction, if STRONG enough
is exactly like an ADDICTION. The symptoms are exactly the same. It's caused by our own HORMONES, our own CHEMICALS. "Relationships" have nothing to do with LOVE, actually
all RELATIONSHIPS do is DESTROY LOVE. There is no way to keep love ALIVE for more than a couple years. That's how long it takes for you to realize what an #@$ the person really is. It's just natural to come down off that "high", that "excitement", the person starts getting on your nerves and the divorce happens. That's life.

KARLOLINA G.

12:28AM PDT on Oct 25, 2011

Thanks.

Asiatic L.

4:19AM PDT on Jul 28, 2011

very informative - the best is to be friends and then take it further...

Bon L.

4:42AM PST on Jan 10, 2011

Thanks for the info.

Teresa W.

5:19AM PST on Dec 28, 2010

I'm glad never to fall in love.

KS G.

4:42AM PST on Nov 22, 2010

Thanks for the article.

Jess No Fwd Plz K.

5:46AM PDT on Oct 19, 2010

Good subject: relationships can be addictions just like alcoholism or compulsive overeating and gambling. Nice to see the delineations between healthy longing and rabid addiction.