Saying Goodbye to a Beloved Cat or Dog (Page 2)

Mourning

The time needed to grieve is personal for everyone. However, it is quite necessary to work through the process, because denial is even more painful, if not truly harmful, in the long run. One way to think about this is to visualize a flight of stairs in front you. Place apathy on the first step, grief on the second, then continue up the stairs to fear, anger, and pride, then allow three more steps at the top of your flight; courage, acceptance, and peace. You might ask yourself which step you currently find yourself standing upon, as these are the most likely steps that one in a healing process must climb to reach the goal of peace and acceptance. It is often difficult to move from one step to the next as we find ourselves getting stuck, because frankly the pain is so difficult to endure.

Letting Go

To help your body physically understand the concept of letting go of the grief and move to the next step, grasp an object, such as a pen, in your hand and squeeze it as hard as you can, and then turn your hand over and open your hand. Just let the object fall; release it. If you can imagine releasing a feeling, such as anger with this much ease, the process becomes simple, even elegant. Move through each one of the steps of grieving in your own time and release these emotions. Again, flower essences are really helpful at times like these. You may select one or more that resonate appropriately to the feeling you and your animal companions are experiencing.

Many people do not have anyone with whom they can share this type of loss. Family and friends may not understand the depth of feelings you’re experiencing. A pet loss or grief service or therapy group may be the answer. EFT may also be helpful. (See EFT: Tapping for Cats and note that the very same principles work just for fine for dogs and other life forms.) If you or someone close to you is a Reiki practitioner, you might find this to very helpful as well. (See Reiki: Healing for Pets and People)

Listening to Your Heart

You might view death as a departure on a great ship. Just as the ship sails away from us, and we wave goodbye from the shore, at the same time someone waits on the other side, waving hello. Our animals make this journey with grace if we only allow them this dignity, which is their birthright.

Sometimes euthanasia is the best option, particularly when the last days of an illness are likely to involve suffering, or if treatment will be painful or lengthy, with little hope for full recovery. Quality of life is an issue that veterinarians are taught to consider, but occasionally the enthusiasm for a new chemotherapy drug or surgical technique may override common sense.

Before you allow your beloved animals to be drugged, poked, prodded, or surgically explored, communicate with them and try to ascertain what they want. If they are ready to cross over to the realms of light, the most loving gift is to support them in that journey, whether by euthanasia or supportive hospice care, to allow them to go on their own and be surrounded by the people they love to help them pass, like Shaman have done for millennia.

As with living, we can learn so much from our animal friends about death and dying. They seem to view it as a natural progression. It’s so very difficult to watch the ones we love leave their physical bodies, and I’m sure they’re sad to leave us just as we’re sad to lose them. But finally, after we grieve and say farewell, we must concentrate on taking care of the living. We keep our love for the pets who have moved on safely tucked in our hearts. It may be cliché to say that time heals all wounds, as we all carry the scars of those wounds and wear masks to cover them, but somehow we find the strength in their honor to carry on and keep loving, grateful for having had this special being in our lives.

We’ve been changed permanently by living with our beloved animal companions. In that way, they live forever in how we interact with the world. Animals, and humans for that matter, may not be of this Earth but could quite possibly be souls that have chosen to use this planet as their setting for a spiritual experience in a physical body. Animals may not operate in the same complicated way as humans but rather participate in life through nature.

Our animal companions are by no means lesser beings than we are, just different and they bring out the very best in all of us by teaching us the true spirit of unconditional love.

For more alternative and anti-aging therapies for cats and dogs and grief consultations see The Complete Guide to Holistic Cat Care by Celeste Yarnall, Ph.D and Jean Hofve, DVM and Natural Dog Care by Celeste Yarnall, Ph.D or see the Celestial Pets website.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

vee s.

11:36AM PDT on Mar 12, 2013

Valentina, In the early days there will be little anyone can say that will help. There is a period you have to get through. You can comfort yourself a little that she was at home, and comfortable, and she knew you were close by........... I would not dwell on 'what if'. It was her time and she would have just slipped away...........This way, I can tell you, is rather better than having to decide it is time to call a halt to suffering and call the vet. as you can never be sure whether a few days more will be OK.. But a few days more are for OUR benefit not our beloved pet.

Believe me you will find that although you never cease to miss her the pain will fade.

From a practical point of view you can address your feeling of misery with 5HTP tablets.

With all my sympahty

March 12
send a green star

Valentina R.

8:44PM PDT on Mar 11, 2013

or expect. I know that. But I can't help to ask: what if I was there 5 minutes earlier? Could have it been possible to do the cardiac massage properly and make her breathe again? Should have I moved her instead of keeping her in the same position? I was afraid to provoke another crisis and worsen her state.
They say she was safe and warm, and not alone, as we were in the house with her. They say seeing your pets die is much worse than finding them asleep forever. But still, I wish I stayed in the bathroom all the time, to be with her when she was leaving, and touch her, and talk to her for the very last time, not only 10 minutes earlier. I can't go over the fact that I should have been with her in that moment. I miss you too much my sister. I only hope you knew how much we loved you. We shared many beautiful years, you slept on my bed, and delighted us with your purrs. That will never be erased. I love you, forever.
Please give me some advice to feel better. What are the strongest medicines to fight stress, anxiety, despair, and insomnia?

March 11
send a green star

8:43PM PDT on Mar 11, 2013

These comments both give me strenght and make me cry. Please give me some advice to feel better. What are the strongest medicines to fight stress, anxiety, despair, and insomnia?
My beloved cat passed away last Tuesday/Wednesday, at about 4 am. Everything changed. I am devasted. I can't breathe nor sleep. Medicines do nothing. I keep thinking and crying.
What I regret the most is that she died without me on her side: she was warm in her blanket, in her wicker basket, in the bathroom, with the heater near her. I stepped in to check her every 10 minutes, she was stable and tranquil. At about 4 am, I entered the bathroom and saw her static, with her head limp, her eyes wide open and veiled. I had a sussult, kneeled down, and touched her. She didn't move, her eyes still freezed. I touched her chest and felt no beat. I put my face in front of her nose and felt no breathe. I tried to do the cardiac massage: I can't do it properly, and it was too late. First I thought (and hoped) she was in a coma, but I was simply in denial. I started crying, instantly woke up my mother, and called the vet, then rushed to the vet with the car. She only could confirm that she was gone.

Cian P.

10:55AM PST on Feb 2, 2013

I just lost my baby on Jan 07. Brought him to the vet for dental cleaning and they found a large tumor in his lower jaw that was too large to remove. Was also told he had only days left before I would lose him. I made the choice of putting him down. He could hardly eat ,I thought it was because of his teeth needing to come out. Turns out the tumor was pushing his tongue upwards making it hard for him to eat and drink.The vet said they could put a tube in his neck so I could feed him if I wanted to take him home for his remaining days along with meds to keep him comfortable. I would have loved those extra days, but I couldn't bear to watch him struggle anymore. I wanted to die myself, wasn't ready to live without him. I knew he had to leave, though I accepted it somewhat I gave up on everything. Stopped taking my meds taking care of my other cat was torture because it made Simba's absense more apparent. I had him cremated and I have him again somewhat. Doing better, but it still hard. I just remind myself that we will be reunited in heaven one day. Until then I have 14 years of memories and lots of pictures of him to help me get by. Daddy loves and misses you my precious poos.

February 2
send a green star

Mick C.

5:55PM PDT on Oct 4, 2012

I posted on Facebook a short letter I wrote to my then-15 year old daughter about how to say goodbye to a friend. I hope it beings you comfort, too. The letter is at: http://on.fb.me/PZbfDC

October 4
send a green star

Tammy B.

9:44PM PDT on Aug 31, 2012

You can sometimes push on the dead cat or dog and bring it back. I did do this twice. The only 2 times I tried it it worked. It was long enough to tell the older cat bye. And to give her permission to move on and the other time it was with a kitten that my Grand son had rolled over in his sleep. The older cat died 3 hours later and the kitten is still alive to my knowledge. My oldest daughter was very upset I brought Smokey back. But I wasn't there after my baby had open heart surgery, Thank God or I know I'd have pushed on her to my horror and her insides would have flew everywhere! But my baby died like Smokey and the greatest comfort to me is knowing she is awaiting me now in heaven with Smokey!

August 31
send a green star

Miranda P.

11:50PM PDT on Aug 20, 2012

So hard when the decision rests with you when they linger on, so much easier, but no less painful, when they go peacefully on their own. Unfortunately that doesn't often happen!

August 20
send a green star

Layla W.

12:59PM PDT on Aug 20, 2012

One of the hardest things to know is when euthanasia is needed. As a holistic cat behaviorist I teach clients how to communicate with cats on a non-verbal level. My cat Merlin taught a lesson in animal communication today at www.catwisdom101.com

Carrie-Anne B.

3:23AM PDT on Aug 20, 2012

interesting article, thanks for sharing :)

Ruadha S.

1:04AM PDT on Aug 20, 2012

Kathy L.--I wanted to say--please don't feel guilty. Even if you are obsessively watching your pet (which would drive them nuts!) you may not be able to tell until it's too late. Because it's in their genes. In the wild, any kind of cat or wolf (or anything else) goes to great lengths to hide illness or injury=weakness. Exhibiting weakness in the wild makes one a victim. So Anna was just following her genetic imperative and you DIDN'T miss some sign. You sound like a very loving "mother" of your pride and pack.