http://www.care2.com/greenliving/sex-and-alzheimers.html
Sex and Alzheimer’s
By Paula Spencer, Caring.com
Sexual urges don’t stop just because Alzheimer’s or another dementing illness invades the brain. Sometimes this is a blessing; some long-married couples say that the mind and body long remember the behaviors of sexual intimacy, even when short-term memory is on the fritz, which helps reinforce their closeness despite the disease-related adversity. Sometimes, on the other hand, sexuality coupled with dementia can cause big problems.
Few of us care to think about our parents having sex at any age or in any circumstances. But when the circumstances include dementia, certain issues might sidle up to a caregiver anyway.
What are the most common minefields?
A consenting couple, in which one party has Alzheimer’s, but both enjoy the sexual relationship.
Potential minefields: Symptoms can ebb and flow, meaning a partner who seems like “her old self” one night might have a hard time with reading nonverbal body language and respond appropriately the next. As the ongoing demands of the disease take their toll on intimacy generally, a caregiver may feel more frustrated, less close, to the spouse, even when the sexual relationship persists.Worth mentioning again: This is not universally true for all couples. But what is true is that the “balance of power” within the relationship is shifting in one direction, and the caregiver is more aware of these changes than the person with dementia, as time goes on.
Consensual sex between partners who live in assisted living situations is a hot button issue in long-term care. Whether one or both parties have dementia, who is to say when sexual activity should cease? Sexual communication is important to a relationship and worth respecting. And yet semi-communal living situations can afford little privacy, or make (often young) staffers who are mentally unprepared for this reality feel awkward.
The person with Alzheimer’s wants sex; the spousal caregiver, not so much.
Potential minefields: Changes brought by the disease as the person becomes more child-like and dependent can curb the spousal caregiver’s desire. He or she may feel guilty about this reality. At the same time, disinhibition is a common side effect of Alzheimer’s; the person may make aggressive sexual advances or strip as a function of the disease, rather than desire. It can be hard for a stressed caregiver to know the difference.
The spousal caregiver wants sex; the person with Alzheimer’s is past the point of consent (or isn’t the object of desire).
Potential minefields: When within the bounds of marriage can intercourse be called rape? The definitions can get murky.
In the case of the spouse who no longer seeks the sexual companionship of his or her partner with dementia, weighing one’s moral and practical appetite for an affair can become an issue. Given that people can live for a dozen years or more with advanced dementia, satisfying sexual needs can become a real issue for spousal caregivers.
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8 comments
add your comment »Very interesting article! Thanks. Petition signed! http://www.care2.com/go/z/19794933
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Intersting look on things. I never thought about the trouble it would cause as far as sex. Not to be rude or ignorant, but I figured sexual activity was almost inactive at this point in life. I know I am wrong. It is so sad to see brain fitness deterioriate like this with such little we can do.
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Thanks! I dint no that.
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When I worked in rest homes many many years ago men and women were always separated because of such things happening between men and women when they weren't quite right in their heads so this is not new but now people are speaking about it.
I would always say they may be old and not quite right but they are not dead.
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What an important and helpful article! Thank you!
Two things:
author said: "Few of us care to think about our parents having sex at any age or in any circumstances." YUK!
FIX THIS - IT'S CHILDISH and violates human rights....soon it will be YOUR rights in question. Is this what you want for YOU?
My own children and most of the adult children of my senior friends are fully supportive and "normal" in their understanding of their parent's ways...including sex.
Our natural sexual urges and activity begin before we're born - some self-gratification goes on in the womb, and is a holy and wonderful part of our being.
LIfelong, sex is a LIFE thing!
Once our bodies are no longer biologically directed to make a baby, the urge and intensity may let up, but, in the most modest of us sex is there for our NORMALCY till we die.
In fact - look it up - they don't call them the Golden Years for nothing :-) - maturity and no fear of becoming pregnant bring the normal sexual expression to a place of optimum emotional connectivity and satisfaction and the sexual functioning the most beautiful, EVER !
Of course, when ANY health issue debilitates, common sense and attention to the individual scenario is key.
- when things get "iffy", sexual activity can be ABUSE.
But: Please grow up re:seniors and sex, and realize that "APPROPRIATE" is the key word here, and be good to yourself and to your elders, realizing that, in doing so, you are making a happier senior ti
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We can try to prevent this disease in part by appropriate nutritional suplementation, eg niacin (vit. B-3)and vitamin C in large doses, and restraint in sexual activity. According to Classical Chinese medicine and Ayurveda, the brain function depends upon the jing or ojas, subtle essence in the body. When these are low the brain cannot function optimally. Too much sex is the quickest way to deplete this precious energy and corresponding life-sustaining fluids, eg sex hormones. Diet is important in this as well. When we eliminate stimulating items, such as garlic, from the diet we are freed to a great degree from the sex urge. If we understand just this much, we can make a big difference in the incidence of this terrible disease. It remains, then, that many will pursue pleasure to their own detriment. Some of us lucky ones will take heed when warnings are posted. I had to learn the heard way. I found vit B-3 and vit. C to be real life-savers, when it comes ot brain-function. We can research Abram Hoffer's work in this field. He cured schizophrenia and other dementias along with cancer with his protocols related to this one. This is just a start, and it is recommended that we look into these traditional bodies of wisdom in order to prevent dementias and other degenerative diseases. Blessings, eugene
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Hi Froggy...XXX
I sent this on to Philly as well as a nice B card... ha!
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHILLY XXX
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