Sex, Love, Intimacy: Understanding and Enjoying Your Sexuality

By Cheryl Saban, Intent

In my last three posts I discussed the importance of establishing a sense of self-worth. In my next three posts, I’ll look at how this sense of self-worth plays into your sexuality and relationships, and how your sexuality and relationships affect your sense of self worth.

Regardless of what your mother taught you, when you came of age and sex hormones flooded your brain, you started to yearn for that forbidden, seductive, carnal knowledge. As a species, our sex drive is a survival instinct. But as a female, your sex drive is obviously more than an instinctual need; it’s wrapped up in feelings of comfort, love, companionship, excitement, naughtiness and hope.

Profound, trusting relationships with other people form the foundation of your personal community and essentially your universe. Such positive mutually beneficial relationships can intensify your sense of self-worth. Your one-on-one relationships are the cornerstones of your existence; you may even set your personal compass by them.

Still, your one-on-one sexual relationship will take trust and intimacy issues to a different and perhaps even more vulnerable level. As with nearly everything else in life, you must have a personal stake in the enjoyment of your sexual relationship, and be pro-active about your participation in order to wield any personal power or control over it. Be willing to learn new sexual techniques, suspend your embarrassment or fear of vulnerability, and allow yourself to trust. Trust, as you’ve surely discovered by now, is an important component in satisfying sex.

Romantic intimacy and the idyll of two people bonded in love, that most sacrosanct of emotional states, is something most of us desire and in fact, need. Love is a crucial part of our lives, connected as it is to our sense of well-being and worth. The blend of love and sex requires commitment, a special type of chemistry between the two of you, and an ability to build intimacy.

You can’t force or hurry love, which tends to follow its own peculiar timeline. But the right chemistry between two people that combines love with sexual intimacy is an intoxicating brew. When you have a trusting relationship, you feel safe, calm and remarkably free. You can experience a liberating sense of freedom when you can be honest about your feelings, for it is there, within your intimate relationships that you can share your deepest, most profound thoughts without fear of reprisals.

Though it’s possible to fall in love at first sight, true intimacy is built in stages. To sustain intimate relationships you need to be able to trust each other. Trust is the operative word. Unless you trust that you’re safe and secure, your intimate interactions will disappoint; you’ll fear your admissions will be ridiculed, misunderstood, or judged.

Ironically the trust you need for building intimacy can best be forged when you feel good about being you. Your experiential wisdom — the result of learning from your experiences and adapting those lessons to your life, is an essential element in the creation of a more content, confident and accessible you. Your strong, positive sense of self will then be secure enough to allow another person in to your private places. This combination of characteristics in a one-on-one relationship is sublime, empowering, soul-enhancing, and contributes to your sense of well-being and worth.

My next post will help you gauge your comfort level and happiness with sex and your current romantic relationship.

“Throughout this series, my intent is to provide visitors with information and exercises designed to guide women to define their own self-worth, take responsibility for it and then to pass it on to others. I will introduce the concept of self-worth and explore how to apply it to various areas of women’s lives, including love, sex and intimacy, finances and motherhood. And finally, I will provide ideas of how to give back to your fellow women.” -Cheryl Saban

Intent.com provides content and community for who you aspire to be–personally, socially and globally.

Read more: Life, Love, Mental Wellness, Quizzes, Relationships, Self-Help, intimacy, love, sex

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Beverly G.

5:26PM PDT on Sep 18, 2011

thanks, its nice if you have a partner, i dont.

September 18
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Catherine C.

9:01AM PST on Dec 6, 2010

Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

December 6
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Tanya G.

12:33AM PDT on Oct 26, 2010

"But as a female, your sex drive is obviously more than an instinctual need; it’s wrapped up in feelings of comfort, love, companionship, excitement, naughtiness and hope." =Just SO important.

October 26
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Past Member .

4:57PM PDT on Sep 17, 2010

Nice article. I do look forward to the rest of your articles, especially the exercises. I do realize how hard I have worked towards trust and facing my fears about my body and sexuality. I still struggle for balance and am very hard on myself when I know I am having trust issues. My partner and I have different perceptions to face, although we do not openly talk about them until one of us is upset about it. Having a catholic upbringing has absolutely brainwashed me into thinking my body is a sin and sex is evil. It wasn't until 13 years ago I realized I was not going to hell, all those years of expecting damnation. I am learning and really appreciate articles like this one. Thank you and I look forward to reading more.
Theme Wedding Planner

September 17
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Joseph O.

9:29AM PDT on Jul 3, 2010

Dear Sheryl: What a POWERFULLY correct article, which when I reached this following sentence - "Ironically the trust you need for building intimacy can best be forged when you feel good about being you." - I nearly fell off my (couch? - lol) ... They are remarkably prophetic words which somehow I have always inately known to be true & have shared w/ others -(albeit, not always well accepted) now CLEARLY validated by someone truly trained / experienced(?) in this subject area. I SO THANK YOU!

Being male in a forum which "seems" to be written in/for the female gender does leave me somewhat apprehensive -(perhaps someone can let me know I'm not alone?)- as I post this my first comment. But this article, and so many others like it which are written from the female perspective I find so wonderfully informative, BECAUSE they educate me correctly in the subject areas that most matter to the gender I seek-(hopefully for life)-to find a partner to engage in a loving, honest, trusting, fun, meaningful, open, romantic/intimate relationship.Having kept myself in remarkably good shape 4 my age, I have never suffered a lack of female interest through i-net sites - & have found several great relationships but only when "happy w/ me", so I'd like to EXPAND upon ur comment, as I c myself as nothing but selfish & ultimately impossible to even BEGIN to try and build a RELATIONSHIP @ ALLw/out liking/being at peace w/ myself- Some people take "Hostages" not "Partners" I belie

July 3
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Kanta O.

10:08AM PDT on Jun 2, 2010

Very appropriately said. Trust indeed, is the essence for building intimate relations. I marvel how well you've expressed it.

It will be nice if, perhaps at the end, you can provide links to the articles you have written subsequently on this issue especially about assessing comfort level in the current relationship and perhaps, also ways to improve . Thanks :)