Sexless After 40? Don't Be!

Couples whose sexual relationship has vanished into thin air like so much birthday-candle smoke tend to blame the ravages of time: boredom, menopause, just getting older. But those aren’t the real problems. A 2008 study of more than 40,000 women found that 45 percent experienced sexual dysfunction, compared with 31 percent of men. The peak age for complaints: 45 to 64.

How to Stop Caregiving From Spoiling Your Sex Life

“Impaired sexuality and sexual function are not normal consequences of aging,” says geriatric psychiatrist Ken Robbins, a Caring.com senior medical editor. Adds Elizabeth G. Stewart, an assistant professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive biology at Harvard Medical School and the author of The V Book, “Sex can be more satisfying than ever during perimenopause and after menopause — if you avoid certain traps.”

Here are seven of the most common sex-stoppers of the 40s and beyond:

Pain and discomfort
Discomfort during intercourse — usually vaginal dryness — is the number-one sexual complaint of women over 40, the years of perimenopause and postmenopause. That’s because falling estrogen levels cause the vaginal walls to thin and the usual pH and bacterial balance of the vagina to change (a cascade of changes known, alas, as “atrophy”).

Fortunately, it’s a problem for which there are many effective, safe treatments today, especially those that replenish estrogen, according to Stewart. “The real problem is the perception out there that estrogen is
awful and will give you cancer immediately,” she says, referring to popular concerns about the health risks of hormone replacement therapy. “The local options are so safe and release such tiny amounts of
estrogen that oncologists even recommend them for women who have breast cancer, because they don’t bump systemic estrogen levels.”

Solutions: You don’t have to take estrogen by mouth. Estrogen-based treatments available by prescription come in the form of creams (such as Premarin cream), a ring inserted for three-month intervals (Estring), and a dissolvable tablet that’s inserted in the vagina (Vagifem). You can also try over-the-counter, water-based lubricants (such as KY Jelly, Astroglide) and longer-lasting vaginal moisturizers (such as Replens and Lubrin).

Sexless After 40? Don’t Be! originally appeared on Caring.com.

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Read more: Caregiving, General Health, Love, Relationships, Sex, Women's Health, libido, sex

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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Phil S.

3:20PM PDT on Aug 11, 2011

Kudos to you Jane Barton!!!

send a green star

Karen L.

9:14AM PDT on Aug 9, 2011

Thanks for the info. In principle, I agree. But with four kids and their various activities, two part-time jobs, a business at home, and the demands of a household (cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, etc.) it is hard to find the time and energy to appreciate sex. I'm just being real here!

Alicia N.

9:12PM PDT on Aug 7, 2011

noted

Beverly G.

10:46AM PDT on Aug 7, 2011

Agre with Empres Ginger. .....

Christian R.

10:10AM PDT on Aug 5, 2011

For men who want a boost, the qi gong excercise known as "the deer" can be quite effective at stimulating the libido. The exercise consists of simply clenching or locking the perenium muscles for a minute or so and then relaxing. Those muscles incidentally could be described as the ones responsible for stopping urination mid-stream.

A variation would be to clench, hold a moment, and unclench the sphincter muscle, say around 30 times a day. It relaxes and increases circulation in that area, is good for haemorroids, the prostate, and general conditioning and strengthing of the lower glands.

Or there's eating more garlic. Monks won't eat for the very reason that some people do: it enhances the drive! Look out.

Jane B.

5:22PM PDT on Aug 3, 2011

Ginger, your theory of why couples who are together for a long
time lose their sex drive doesn't address the root cause. Humans' sexual urges are deeply seated in our brains and males and females are programmed differently for survival of the species. Males are hard wired to spread their seed and females are hard wired to "nest". Thus females commonly
"fall in love" with a male she has sex with because she unconsciously has chosen him for a mate. Males, on the
other hand "fall in love" when they are ready to reproduce and
not before. Your comment that more girls in their 20s are "in love" than girls over 40 is not exactly true. Age doesn't have
anything to do with it other than more child bearing occurs in
the 20s. Judging by the 90% divorce rate those "in love" feelings don't last very long. My personal research suggests
that the reason for this is a weak "in love" bond at the very
beginning. One person tends to be "all in" and the other
person "settles". Then when the first little thing goes wrong
one party splits. There are only 1 million out of 300 million
couples who stay together forever. They are the "soulmates",
two people who will go through hell and high water to stay
together and can't keep their hands off each other. Everybody
else keeps trying to figure out why their sex drive is gone and
the real reason is lack of the very strong "in love" bond at the
very start. Those who have that will make things work no matter how hard it is. :)

Betty L.

1:31PM PDT on Aug 3, 2011

Thanks for the article.

Suzanne H.

11:51AM PDT on Aug 3, 2011

I'm excited!

Ginger S.

6:49AM PDT on Aug 3, 2011

another issue at that point, is many couples have been together for decades..and after years and years...the fireworks..both emotionally and physically have often faded to a dimly lit single bulb. It is hard to be in the mood (for women at least) when there is lack-luster, or faded or totally gone 'love.' That issue may not effect the men so much as they are usually quite happy to 'do' any woman they love, like, dislike, or don't even know....but for women being 'in-love' is often a requirement for the 'urge' to spark. And alas more 20 year old ladies are in love than 40 year old ladies....with an old or even a 'new' mate.

Ameer T.

2:19AM PDT on Aug 3, 2011

One thing that i have always preferred is natural solutions to problems rather than medicinal. there are a ton of natural foods that help raise your sexual chemistry. I also have to suggest that everyone should invest time in exercising your pelvic floor muscles. this results in better sexual control also. the thing to do is called Kegels. there are different exercise routines for men and women and you can do them anytime anywhere. It will take you about three to six months to see concrete results but i guarentee you that no matter what your age, you will feel like a 16 year old between the legs.