thanks...
Kabin
Konteyner

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I am one of 3 girls that were raised by a single mother. I completely agree with Colin about the toll it takes on childhood relationships. I have to drive 4 hours each way everyother weekend to visit my dad, which leaves little time to socialize with my friends. Despite this annoying setback, I do not feel at all slighted because I was raised by a single parent. Academically, I am going to the University of South Carolina in the fall without having to pay anything out-of-pocket. Merit scholarships from the university and my community provided me with enough money to attend for free. Both of my sisters are also in the top of their classes acdemically. Athletically, all three of us have each attended Junior Olympics for either Track and Field or Basketball, and participate in many more. Service wise, my older sister and I were part of the National Honor Society and committed 50+ hours of community service every year. I can go on...but I hope my point is coming across. The fact that I was raised by a single parent did not hinder my potential or put me at a disadvantage. It all depends on the attitude of the parent raising the children. Thankfully, my mother did not spend her time pitying herself or bad mouthing my father (excessively). Instead, she instill her values of education, health, service, leadership, and kindness. She inspires us to be the best we can be, and never let us use our lack of our father's presence as an excuse to not be brilliant in all that we started.

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my parents divorced and i was roped into traveling between houses when i would have preferred to just live with one of them. i feel like at least when a child is old enough to visit friends, it is more important to live with a single parent and rely on neighborhood friends for help than live between two and have intermittant contact with friends.
it also seems to me that more than one person is always better at doing most things, and it is important for a child to develop relationships with as many trustworthy adults as possible.

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my parents divorced and i was roped into traveling between houses when i would have preferred to just live with one of them. i feel like at least when a child is old enough to visit friends, it is more important to live with a single parent and rely on neighborhood friends for help than live between two and have intermittant contact with friends.
it also seems to me that more than one person is always better at doing most things, and it is important for a child to develop relationships with as many trustworthy adults as possible.

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"And what if one of the parents were to die? Perhaps in the war? Then what? The other parent who is left to do the job alone is also condemned."

This really says it all. Children of Widows and Widowers often do better than single head house holds, but why?

I as a child who was raised by a divorced single mother, and now a single parent (father has regular contact, and has remained on good terms) feel it is to do with the prejudice against single parents and lack of support for them.

Social prejudice can have a great effect on ones mental and physical health and life prospects. This can be seen in the way different mental health issues are affected by the societies view of them. For instance schizophrenia often results in social exclusion in the west but not in countries such as India or where it is seen as being more spiritually sensitive. Whilst epilepsy among some native American groups has the same result.

Children from social excluded groups often fair poorly. Thus children of travellers, and outcast ethnic groups seem to fall by the wayside. Not long ago being in a mixed race family (even with 2 parents) would also have thrown up such statistics.

In reality the woman who raises her son alone because of divorce is no worse or better than the woman who raises her son alone because of death. The widow simply has more social inclusion.

If we really want to improve the lot of all children and all parents/careers, its time we tackled these prejudices

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My ex-husband was an emotional bully;
Eventually I'd had enough of insecurity and put-downs;
My 2 children have certainly grown up more secure and well-adjusted for NOT having an arrogant paterfamilias in their lives
In fact, I've always encouraged them to keep contact with their father;
I told them they'd nothing to gain by being on bad terms, and nothing to lose by being on good terms with him.
Fortunately, despite his efforts to convince them that I'm the devil incarnate, they are not blinded to his real character;
Too often, men play the "blame the woman" game; misogyny rules!

xx

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I did not choose to become a single parent, but became one after my husband of 9 years left me and our 3 month old daughter. I tried everything to save the marriage, but he was convinced it was over.We did have joint custody after the divorce and I tried not to say anything negative about her father as she was growing up. It was very difficult to raise a child alone, financially and emotionally, along with the social stigma of having a "broken home". In any case, my daughter is now 25 years old, just graduated from Pharmacy School with a doctorate and a MBA. She is beautiful, smart, kind, and well adjusted in everyway. We have a wonderful, close relationship and is on good terms with her father, as I am. I can't imagine her doing any better if we had stayed together. Statistics are generalities - "your mileage may vary."

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As someone who grew up with a single parent, and who is now adult but has no kids, but finds himself with very little free time between job, outside activities, marriage, etc., I'd have to say a single-parent family should be a last resort, not just for the child(ren), but for the parent as well. Even though I'm married, I can't imagine making time for a child, and I just don't think there's enough time for a parent to do a very good job. When I was young, my single mother simply wasn't around very much, and if I were the type to get into trouble, I could have turned out very differently because of it.

However, if the choice is being a single parent or living with an abusive partner, single parenting is definitely preferable. Leaving the kid alone for most of the time is better than leaving him/her with an abuser.

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When the two parent household is turbulent, stressful and violent it is much better for the children to be taken care of by a stable, caring, single parent. My boys and I are all much better off since we got away from the awful situation that was called a marriage. I may struggle to support all of us but I can say we are a lot happier. We encourage each other on a daily basis, and try to see the good in most everyone and every situation we come upon. I don't know who really objects or criticizes my actions but I really don't much care. If any critics care to stand in my shoes for even one day, I challenge them to do so. Once you have lived with an abusive spouse you might understand my position, if you are strong enough to face facts. The fact is that children raised in an abusive or neglectful environment are much better off being removed from that environment and being raise by caring, nurturing individuals, whether it be one, two, men women or a village. Staying in an abusive relationship "for the sake of the children so they don't grow up in a single parent household" is utter crap.

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Having come from a battle field two parent family, I knew that my childs father and I did not belong in the same house raising a child. We have been on our own for all of her 14 years and truely love our unique family. She is very smart, respectful, responsible and loving. We do have to work on balancing her being a strong female and respecting authority, but isn't that something we all work on. The thing that is the hardest for me is the lack pf support from my family. My choices are ridiculed, my parenting skills are belittled and everyone knows how I should be raising her.( Even my childless siblings feel they could do a better job.)
If you know a single parent and you can see they are doing a wonderful job raising their children, Tell them. It is hard being a single parent, even without all the judgement that goes with the stigma.

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