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Snappy Comebacks to 10 Inappropriate Questions

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Snappy Comebacks to 10 Inappropriate Questions

Whether they’re sincerely mining for information or just trying to sneak in a low-blow, something about the holidays makes people think they are suddenly at liberty to ask wildly inappropriate questions. Next time your snarky cousin or senile great-aunt corners you with one of these gems, be ready to shoot from the hip.

Question: “I just can’t figure out why you’re not married yet!”
The classic backhanded compliment masquerades as a statement that you are a great catch. The subtext, however, is that there might be something terribly, irreparably wrong with you that is keeping you from a lasting relationship.
Response: “Me neither! But I know why I’m not divorced yet!”

Question: “Are you still unemployed?”
A sensitive subject at any time, let alone in a crappy economy during the holidays, when consumerism is booming, hiring is down, and all your friends are getting their end-of-year bonuses.
Response: “I’m enjoying some down time between jobs that suck my will to live.”

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By Kathryn Williams, DivineCaroline

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12:23PM PDT on May 27, 2013

LOL! I can't wait to use these!

2:46PM PDT on May 21, 2013

What is YOUR definition of "snappy"???

10:01AM PDT on May 20, 2013

haha, very funny :D (Justin Bieber, lol :D and sharks is great too)
I don't have the wit to say any of this, and I normally don't think quickly enough for a snappy answer. But very funny :D

6:42AM PDT on May 17, 2013

Q: "When are you having children?"

A: "When they come with an out clause/a return policy."

12:16AM PDT on May 17, 2013

Some of these zingers might as well be "Here's your Sign"

6:22AM PDT on May 16, 2013

thanks, but im too much of a non confrontational person to say things like that, more than likely i would give a fake smile and walk away

6:01AM PDT on Apr 7, 2013

these r funny but mean spirited. why not give a pleasant non answer.

6:51AM PDT on Mar 26, 2013

If I were ever asked when we are marrying, how about, "When enough of *you people* vote 'yes'."

Having someone call one 'you people' isn't so nice, so the person should feel a gentle wrist slap.

It lets the person, esp someone you like who was just thoughtless, have a way to save face with something like, "Ha ha, put me down for 'yes'!" then changing the subject.

Ugh wait, it'd only start a family rumour that your partner's family hates you & is deeply opposed, that's why he/she *won't* marry you."

Never mind, lol.

6:16AM PDT on Mar 26, 2013

Funny, but in real life you must be prepared for the fact that many WILL question your answer - yes, even the "sharks" one :) - even if it is with a simple "what do you mean?".

4:34PM PDT on Mar 24, 2013

How sad - defensive, rude, paranoid, nasty - but snappy? If this is what passes for witty repartee these days, standards have certainly slipped. Why not change the subject, or have a quiet word with the "offender"?

There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words...... Dorothy Parker

You must be a real downer at parties.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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