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Someone To Grow Old With

What will it take to convince the younger generation that marriage isn’t obsolete? I think they need to hear from those who are happily married all the reasons why they find marriage valuable. Role models are needed and necessary, and clearly at this point in time, missing….

Like it or not, we’ve become a disposable society, not just with our trash, but also with the people in our lives. If a relationship becomes difficult we declare, “this isn’t working for me” and move on.  We treat our cars better than people. At least with our cars we know and expect that they need regular maintenance – the oil needs changing, the tires rotating and brakes need replacing.  And yet, with the people closest to us, so many of us seem unwilling to put in a little time, energy and effort into working through our issues.

I believe part of the problem is that we have been brainwashed to seek perfection. We expect our relationships to be perfect along with everything else in our lives, and when things are not perfect, we are frustrated, disappointed and ready to give up.

Someone once said the word “perfection” should be changed to “pure fiction” and I couldn’t agree more.

One way to create more happiness and satisfaction in a relationship it’s to practice wabi sabi.  This is an ancient Japanese aesthetic that honors all things old, weathered, worn, imperfect and impermanent by finding the beauty in the imperfections. For instance, if you had a large vase with a big crack down the middle of it, a Japanese art museum would put the vase on a pedestal and shine a light on the crack. Or, they might fill the crack with 24k gold!

By practicing wabi sabi not only do you look to find beauty and perfection in the imperfections in your love relationships, it also helps to turn conflict into compassion and create a more loving, harmonious relationship.  You begin to cultivate love for yourself and your partner, especially on the days when one of you is acting out, refusing to listen, or shutting down.

To begin practicing wabi sabi love, let’s give up the unrealistic expectations and accept these simple facts. No matter what crazy-making thing our partner is doing, they did not wake up with the thought, “I plan to drive my spouse insane today.” Just like you, your partner wants to be loved for who they are, in spite of their shortcomings.

Make an effort to let them know they are loved even if some of their behavior is not. Work towards co-creative solutions. It only takes one person to make a difference. Even if your partner isn’t willing to change that doesn’t mean all is lost.

By taking personal responsibility for your own happiness, and making space for your partner to be who and what they are, magic can and often does happen. It’s when we are blaming and shaming that no progress can be made. A great relationship requires care and feeding. Find daily ways to connect and express your love and gratitude for your partner.

We’re all going to get old someday. We can do it alone or we can make the effort to nurture our spouse and our relationship and have a best friend to share our golden years with. For me, discovering the joy and benefits of Wabi Sabi Love is one path to this with grace and ease.

Related:
101 Days of Passion: Relationship Revival Tips

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Arielle Ford

Arielle Ford is a highly influential personality in the personal growth and contemporary spirituality movement. For the past 25 years she has been promoting consciousness through all forms of media. Her stellar career includes years as a prominent book publicist, author, literary agent, TV lifestyle reporter, radio host, publishing consultant, relationship expert, and blogger for the Huffington Post. Arielle is the author of nine books including the international bestseller, The Soulmate Secret: Manifest The Love of Your Life With The Law of Attraction. Her latest book is Wabi Sabi Love: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships. She lives in La Jolla, CA with her husband, Brian Hilliard and their feline friends. www.thewabisabibook.com

751 comments

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4:36PM PDT on Mar 20, 2012

Beautiful wisdom for love and life.

7:20PM PDT on Mar 15, 2012

Thanks

10:17PM PST on Mar 10, 2012

there's someone for everyone...mature love is great

9:06PM PST on Mar 9, 2012

Very interesting article.Thanks for sharing.

7:53PM PST on Mar 9, 2012

Thanks for sharing.

6:26PM PST on Mar 9, 2012

Its funny we look for perfection in our partner even when we can't find it in ourselves.The truth is we wont find perfection outside of Paradise because on this planet none of us is perfect. A great article thank you.

1:58PM PST on Mar 9, 2012

interesting, thank you.

11:29AM PST on Mar 9, 2012


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8:36PM PST on Mar 8, 2012

LOL, I really like the part that says that perfection should be changed to pure fiction......just can`t agree more. There`s this saying, "Marriage is love in full bloom." Well, this full bloom should hopefully lasts forever.....but of course it should come with lots of love, honesty, patience, consideration and understanding. It`s tough but it`s really worth the while trying to uphold these virtues for every married person in order to sustain a marriage.

8:35PM PST on Mar 8, 2012

LOL, I really like the part that says that perfection should be changed to pure fiction......just can`t agree more. There`s this saying, "Marriage is love in full bloom." Well, this full bloom should hopefully lasts forever.....but of course it should come with lots of love, honesty, patience, consideration and understanding. It`s tough but it`s really worth the while trying to uphold these virtues for every married person in order to sustain a marriage.

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