http://www.care2.com/greenliving/the-biology-of-affairs.html
The Biology of Affairs
“We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.” -Albert Camus
Most people who have affairs will say they don’t know how it happened. Extramarital affairs are rarely consciously planned; they happen as life often does, with one thing leading to another.
The percentage of people impacted by infidelity is between 30 to 60 percent of all married couples, depending on the study cited. Evolutionary psychologists, in attempts to understand human behavior with regard to infidelity, have found some interesting patterns suggesting that biology directly influences the choice to cheat.
Infidelity patterns are particularly interesting when sex is taken into consideration. Cheating men are more likely than cheating women to have an affair with someone younger than their spouse. On the other hand, cheating women are more likely than cheating men to have an affair with someone better educated than their current spouse.
Additionally, age patterns of infidelity are affected by sex. Women are far more likely to commit infidelity in their twenties and early in their relationship, where as men are more likely to cheat later in their relationship and predominately after the age of forty. Evolutionists believe this pattern reflects a long- term mating strategy; just like other mammals, our biological clock and often unconscious drive to reproduce may be playing a large role in infidelity.
The biological changes that impact sexuality with aging and menopause may also affect fidelity. I have watched many of my closest friends both leave and be left during this intense life transition. Needless to say, it causes some problems when fully fifty percent of women lose their interest in sex and struggle with arousal and orgasm right when a man’s need for sexual satisfaction and validation is at its most vulnerable peak.
Yet our sexually driven biology is only one part of the human story. While sex and love are inextricably linked, the processing of those experiences happen in different regions of the brain. While there is some overlap, it is the experience of love which matures the mind. The constellation of neural systems and activity involved in the experience of love strengthens with the length of the attachment. When a small study issued in the Journal of Neurophysiology examined how love and sex differed, the outcome revealed love as the more dominant emotion. “Romantic love is one of the most powerful human experiences,” said study member Helen Fisher, “more powerful than the sex drive.”
Although some might question the veracity of the claims, try to remember how potent the experience of falling in love was for you, extending far beyond the sexual, to the very core of what it is to be alive. Loving over time does change your brain, and although it doesn’t often have the intensity and ecstasy associated with the initial “falling in love,” it carries even more benefits in terms of long term happiness and health. Only 10 percent of people who have affairs end up staying together, so when you are feeling your biology influence your choices make sure you are consulting with what makes us truly human, our drive to love.
Wendy Strgar is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships, which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. Wendy helps couples tackle the questions and concerns of intimacy and relationships, providing honest answers and innovative advice.
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11 comments
add your comment »Excellent article! It really makes you think, and I love things that stimulate my brain! Thanks!
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Really good article Wendy! I liked the punch line! Some good food for thought.
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If sex without romance is all their is in a void, it will probably go on until the void is filled and something else happens. That is unless they are a tv watching zombie.
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The relationship already was bad Miss Info, if it wasn't, another route would not be taken. Let's admit it, for 2 people to have mutual attraction is rare. Live with somebody a while, you see all their gross habits and if they choose not to use etiquette and discretion, living with them kills romance. I haven't seen anybody with manners, etiquette or anything even coming close to that in years.
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I think sex without love will not last for long,although it may go through a certain extent of time ,the time will come someone will feet meaningless as time goes by.
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Great article, very interesting, and I totally agree with it.
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UGH! I should never say I'm a writer because that's a sure way to mess up on my writing. But in my defense there's a small window to view my words, & I forced them out.
Anyway, I'm trying to point out that even this article states how strong romantic love is, even stronger than sex. But what if you never had that with your spouse? What if you made the commitment to them because you love them in a different way, vowing to give that other love up.
Who hasn't had bad relationships? And if you're one of the extremely "lucky" few, there are ways in which your life isn't as rich, probably equal though.
But just because a couple's committed, doesn't mean they ever fell in love. So what happens if that's the case, & you think you're OK with it, have vowed to kiss the fantasy of it goodbye, & later on it comes around. A temptation of something you've always wanted & deserve. This may be your only chance to ever experience it.
I've heard when men cheat, it's usually for sex. But when women do, it's usually for love/passion. But who knows?
Just think, maybe she never got to have that. Maybe she never fell in love. & this article states that's more powerful than sex, which is probably as weak as the sex she has with her hubby.
And later in her life, considering men will be more scarce, she knows her chances will be even fewer, especially if she decided to commit to a passionless relationship in the first place, perhaps even for him.
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As a writer, this is a subject I've been recently researching. I find it interesting when the topic's brought up, it holds the same belief I've run into with others: That you're with somebody because you fell in love with them. However, I've found many relationships where this isn't true. Yet they're usually with someone because they love them; it's not the same. There are many ways to love someone, & I do believe that's necessary for a relationship to be healthy, or happy. But it can often leave a partner feeling like they've lost out on something, a HUGE part of themselves that makes them feel alive, that they'll never be able to have unless they "snack" outside of their relationship--maybe this is more true for women, as that's the "sex" I've researched. And though I do believe it's not likely this can be planned, as we can crave, but if the "food's" not around to tempt us, we only salivate for a fantasy that's not as strong as the "chocolate cake" before us. But that also depends on the type of affair. So if we've gone into a relationship, for whatever reason, because we love the other, but the excitement of passion's missing, & now it's there, but with another, wouldn't we feel like we've committed to our partner & now we're missing out. We gave it up & may never get another chance. That's a huge desire to resist if it comes our way later on, especially since we owe a commitment to ourselves too--to be determined by the individual what that is.
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While I do agree that use of the word "sex" for two very distinct meanings can be somewhat confusing, it is an unfortunate part of the english language. Sex and gender are actually two different things, and replacing one word with the other does change the meaning of the sentence. Sex refers strictly to one's biological/genetic characteristic of being male/female, whereas gender refers to the behaviours and other qualitative aspects often associated with a given sex (hence the term gender role). Just sharing a little fyi for anyone who likes learning as much as I do =)
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When you say "our" are you talking about all of us? It seems everyone is unique in terms of there mind based on the conditioning and the way they brought up.
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