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The Drop Off: Letting Your Children Go…To School
This is an embarrassing, but absolutely genuine, story. When I was 12 I had exhausted the educational possibilities of my quaint and comfortable elementary school and had to move up to the rank of junior high school. As I am sure all children who have gone through this transition feel, I felt a caustic mixture of excitement and dread. My elementary school was both manageable and familiar and my awaiting junior high was nothing but mysterious and intimidating: new unfamiliar faces, puberty run rampant, domineering teachers, and the looming threat of detention. So, the first day of school I was dropped off down the street from my school by my mother (to be dropped off in front of the school by your mother was just too humiliating) and I walked the long lonely block to what seemed like the hulking brick prison that awaited me. Upon catching site of the school and the throng of humanity and inhumanity pouring in to the building instantaneously began puking in the bushes. It was obviously nerves, and years later I found out from a few friends in high school that they too puked on their first morning at junior high. I cleaned myself off, walked in to school along with the rest of them, and wound up having three fantastic years in a place I never wanted to leave.
Every year around this time (September) I am reminded of this sometimes awkward transition happening throughout the country, if not the world. I just recently dropped my son off at preschool, with no vomiting and no incident–just genuine unbridled excitement. This was remarkable considering the previous year’s introduction to day care, which was a transition that was met with a trail of tears from both my son and his beleaguered parents. And I have friends (parental peers) that have all recently (this week) had largely positive experiences moving their children up to the next level of school (preschool, elementary, etc).
Still, parents are (and I say this with nothing but empathy) often paralyzed by the difficulty of letting go and allowing their children to be intimidated, be afraid, and be in the experience of moving onward and upward. This is not to say that parents are not justified in their concern. Plenty of children have an enormously difficult time with this transition, and parents would be advised to be wholly receptive and sensitive to their children’s needs during this time. But there is a belief among some parents and administrators that the “phase-in” process needs to be met with a great deal of attention and lingering (in some cases). This sometimes leaves parents feeling unsure about the transition, which is tacitly communicated directly to their children.
There is no real answer or solution to this issue; there are only personal views and personal experiences. As all children, and all parents, are unique and hold different needs and distinctive requirements for a comfortable transition into school. So, I am opening this space up for readers to share their experiences, personal anecdotes, thoughts, opinions, and concerns about this transition. I wish everyone and their children the best of luck and ease during this life passage.
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21 comments
add your comment »Today's children is way too overprotected.
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Amanda, your experience with your kindergartner is the same one we had when our kids began preschool. 28 years later, they approach life in the same way. The two younger live at least a thousand miles from us, although phone calls, e-mails, webcam visits are frequent, and we remain close. I torn between missing them (which I seldom bring up in our conversations) and pride that they have the confidence to follow their dreams. They are both engaged in professions that make this old world a better place, and we are proud of what they are making of their lives.
In fairness, I must say that middle school was rough on them, especially when we moved 200 miles away one December. Our oldest announced that we had ruined his life after the first day in his new school. Of course, all three recovered nicely and treasure the friends they have from both locations.
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I went to a small private elementary school (when I say "small," I mean sixth-grade graduating class of 5!), so the transition to a large public middle school made for a lot of rude surprises. However, I managed to survive despite such troubles as having friends move every time I made them (the middle school's district included a large number of apartment complexes with a high turnover rate) and the constant threat of bullies (seventh grade, I used to get beat up by one every day just for the "crime" of getting off at the same bus stop!).
My older daughter is in second grade now, and we live in a small town (pop. 3400) where the elementary, middle, and high schools are clustered in the same area. Kindergarten for her was a breeze, and she loves it at school. We live within walking distance of the school, and when we're at the drop-off zone and she sees one of her friends, POW, she's off and running without so much as a goodbye! While part of me is wishing she'd at least say goodbye, part of me is also glad she's so independent and not "clingy" like some of the kids are. It'll be interesting to see if her little sister is the same way or a complete opposite! She'll be starting kindergarten when her older sister is in fifth grade (elementary school in our county goes to fifth grade), so her older sister will be there to help pave the way. Middle and high school...who knows? I'm sure they'll have an easy time, but never say never!
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"It's the school/teach/educate system that maintains the status quo. Authoritarian, undemocratic schools lock young people away from family, community, society and nature. Citizens emerge imbued with the values and lifestyles of the existing system - self interest, competition, and materialism".
~ Bill Ellis
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One thing for sure, though: schools MUST come up with better security against student bullying and against pervs who want to sneak into schools and hide in the washrooms!
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Parents of 2-legged kids, I don't envy U none. As a 'dog-mom' I have no worries about a kid who has 2 go anywhere without me (BTW, Maria's school is doing a great job, kudos 2 them!). Even so, as an only child, if I hadn't gone 2 public school (glad it wasn't private school! LOL) I would've had little 2 no contact with other kids and wouldn't have had a chance 2 develop the skills and knowledge I need, even now, 2 relate 2 my peers on their level every day. Also, sadly, it WAS prep for the real world where crude workplace politics remind me of jr. high recess, not civilized folks who R supposedly working together (backstabbing, cliques, favouritism, etc). If U R serious about being there for your kid, then that kid will ALWAYS have someone on their side through their school yrs. As the only child of a 1929-born teacher who tolerated NO childish behaviour, I got a disciplinarian, you-have-2-B-a-mini-adult-at-all-times upbringing and Mother was always on the teacher's side come parent-teacher night, so know that your kids R lucky if U understand that it's your job 2 advocate 4 them. Even as I feel for those who worry about their kids I know that if I hadn't had that daily, workaday* exposure 2 my peers, I wouldn't have learned 2 B comfortable around them. Love your kids, but never 4get that their peers are the ones they'll have 2 work and deal with ALL their lives (yes, even after you're gone!), or they truly will become outcasts. [*not just playtime, as can happen nowadays]
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here needs to be a project going to see that every school has a protocol
that is written and in place to deal with incidents of bullying.
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My son is homeschooled, so we don't have the issues you address to deal with. He doesn't go into a building with strangers, he stays home with me or we go together to events and programs. I do think school can be helpful for some, but not all children. I was bullied and tortured in my schools, and don't want my son to experience the horrors I had to undergo. At the most basic level, I had to learn that nobody would help me with my problems, which I don't think is a healthy way to grow up, but it's the reality when you go to school. You will be taunted and feel like an outcast unless you are a bully yourself (and maybe even then). You will not be able to talk to any adult about it because then you will be the lowest of the low, a tattletale. So you end up learning to bottle it all up, and to go to school in pain every day. You learn that adults don't care about you and that they don't have time to worry about whether or not you are eating right, being abused, or learning anything at all. Not something I care have my son experience.
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I just wanted to add that
1) my ds#1 is just like Holly N's son and I agree with her assessment, and
2) Stuart's remark: "It does well to remember that this practice of "abandoning" young children to strangers at an institution is a relatively new phenomenon in human history, and that children's brains are actually hard-wired (for their own protection) to resist going with strangers, and into unfamiliar and possibly dangerous situations." is one that most people should be reminded of every so often.
:)
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Mr experiences varied in school. Kindergarten was the worst. You might say I flunked it. The first trouble was that it was called Kindergarten so I wondered why they didn't speak German, Then they gave out peanuts for snacks and I hate them. They make me choke. Then I went over to play with the dolls in the doll house, i thought they were little people. I could never forget the commotion and concatenation of "he he he" especially from the girls because that was the girls department. Then they had a marching game called "little Indians" and I thought that was plain silly pretending to be an Indian.
Throughout elementary school I thought that the school was like the military: The teachers ranked above the students, the principal above the teachers and the superintendent whom I never saw was somewhat hypothetical.
but belonged in the order of things. Each person followed orders from the above without contradiction.I though that well teachers were teachers because they knew more than the students and likewise the principal knew more than the teachers, Finally the superintendent knew more than the principal and so was "aufgehoben" Much of this stuff I never mentioned to my parents. I had trouble in the first semester of first grade largely because I entered school at age 4 rather than age 5. But my parents coached me in arithmetic and reading so I had good grades after that.
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