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The Importance of Foreplay

Applying this rule of cultivating an external clitoral orgasm before penetration has the added benefit of increasing the amount of time a couple spends in intimacy. Statistically a woman is much more likely to orgasm with longer foreplay including both oral sex and manual stimulation and the subsequent intercourse is generally more pleasurable and painless.

I have been talking about this idea for a long time as I have had similar questions from many of  my customers who wonder about pain with intimacy even after application of lubricant. I always ask them if they were ready to be penetrated when they had sex. If you are not really ready to have someone enter you, even the best lubricant in the world may help, but will not prepare you for the deepest connection you share with someone.  That requires some work and letting go inside.

Taking the time to discover and cultivate your own pleasure before penetration is my way of thinking of love hygiene. It also works to even the timing out for many couples. I think it may have been in France when I learned of this technique in the context of a conversation about the difference between French and American men.

I was told, “In America the men say to each other: how far did you get. In France, the men say: how long did she scream…”   Go figure.

Read more: Ask the Loveologist, Health, Love, Relationships, Sex

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


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11:26AM PST on Dec 9, 2014

Foreplay can be a lot of things, even as simple as flirtation. But no matter what, it is important. Especially for women.

9:06AM PST on Nov 29, 2014


9:05AM PST on Nov 29, 2014


9:05AM PST on Nov 29, 2014


12:55AM PST on Nov 24, 2014

For boys, it's about the destination. For men, it's about the journey.

3:50AM PST on Nov 9, 2014

I've always loved the foreplays most!

11:47AM PDT on Oct 2, 2014

Very important. Truth as it is. Thanks for sharing:)

11:42PM PDT on Jun 5, 2014

I think the problem with the comments is that most people are focused on the end result rather than enjoying the trip and also about it being me me instead of us. This just points out another victim of us thinking we are all individuals with rights but damn everyone else including our partners.

11:14PM PDT on May 7, 2014


9:41PM PDT on Apr 5, 2014

I LOVE the quote! And, Scott, this can make a huge positive difference for lovers of women,
as well as the women themselves. That is important too!

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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