http://www.care2.com/greenliving/the-mysterious-o-getting-there.html
The Mysterious O: Getting There
Having an orgasm starts with feeling aroused. “No arousal, no orgasm.” Arousal begins in the brain, specifically the limbic area of the brain where our sense of smell intersects with our emotional process, our memory store and our sexuality. Vibrations of arousal and eventually orgasm live in the body and are triggered in the brain. Trust your sense of smell and indulge your olfactory in whatever scents turn you on. Napoleon was well known for requesting his wife to not wash for a week when he was coming home, whereas for other people axe body wash is the ultimate in sexy smells, whatever it is know that our olfactory system has always been foundational to the art of mating and use it to your advantage.
Arousal is a visceral experience and bodies are built for motion. Nowhere is this more useful than in sexual exploration. Although this may seem like stating the obvious, it is not a small percentage of people who tense up and stop moving around in their sexual activity. There is more than hip thrusting to experiment with. Experimenting with moving all of your limbs, rolling your neck and stretching into new positions can trigger arousal points that you didn’t know you had. If you can think of no other reason that wanting to understand more about your orgasmic potential, try and fit in a little bit of core strengthening exercises into your life. Being able to hold onto someone you love from the inside will make you feel both strong and sexy.
Arousal is expressed through our breathing. Becoming aware of breath in sexuality will bring life and orgasm into focus like nothing else. Whether you tend towards long and slow breaths or short, fast inhalations, stop and notice how your breathing affects your connection to your body, your lover and your orgasmic possibilities. Try changing your breathing pattern and see how it transforms the experience. Making an agreement with your partner to synchronize your breathing and movement is a remarkably simple step which has profound impact on lovemaking. Refocusing your breathing will not only deepen your connection, but may also expand your idea of orgasm.
Extending the space between arousal and orgasm is the art of lovemaking. Do your own solo experiments so you know the sensations and buildup that lead you to the point of no return. Practice pulling back from that line and introducing another form of touch or breath and move towards it again. I have long been an advocate of waiting as long as you can to surrender into your orgasm. The longer you wait, the more power and energy is built up and the sweeter the release. Some spiritual techniques suggest moving up and down this arousal tunnel, coming close as close to your orgasmic edge without going over as a spiritual practice. Sounds like a worthy form of meditation, and I don’t question it’s incredibly powerful results.
Arousal messages come through our body as genital secretions. As many as a third of all women do not have a strong natural lubricating response. This easily turns into feelings of low libido and disinterest in sex. After years of birthing and nursing babies, I never have natural wetness so I was heartened to discover that a small application of great, clean lubricant will kick start the arousal cycle as well as my memory of natural lubrication did. Not only that, but adding healthy lubricant ingredients ensures pain less friction, more time to experiment and is a critical companion to experiencing orgasm. I would be hard pressed to not admit to making the best lubricant on the market, but many people enjoy other types of lubricants- so find what is best for your body.
Fantasy can either be helpful or harmful to your orgasmic journey. Having fantasies that conjure up guilt and take you out of your physical experience and away from your partner are generally not going to move you closer to orgasm. However, imagining other illicit relationships for you and your partner, and here, you only need to read a small bit of sexual history can be seriously passion producing. I can never repeat the strange and fantastical thoughts that go through my head afterwards, but as I have come to bear witness to them, I have experienced whole new levels in my orgasmic potential.
So go forth, flirt with arousal, don’t judge your experience or compare it to anyone else’s and enjoy the ride.If there is any journey worth taking over and over again, it is the one to our most innate and miraculous human pleasure.
Tomorrow, The Mysterious O: Extending Life and Love
Wendy Strgar, the owner and founder of Good Clean Love, manufacturer of all natural love and intimacy products. She is a sex educator focusing on “Making Love Sustainable,” a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. She has learned that physical intimacy is an important component of sustaining healthy loving relationships through her own marriage of over 25 years.
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24 comments
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Kabin
Konteyner
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why is this inappropriate?
Here in the UK Sylk a lubricant made from kiwifruit or Chinese gooseberries is excellent super slippy and available on prescription...
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Here in the UK Sylk a lubricant made from kiwifruit or Chinese gooseberries is excellent super slippy and available on prescription...
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I am 64 years old, 3 divorces and now a widow. Never believing it could happen to me again. The divorces were always because of lack of sexual pleasure and intimacy. Until I met this wonderful man who accidentally provided me with such erotic, sensual, sexually heightened pleasure. He himself has been without real intimacy in his life, as I have, and we have fallen into this erotic, sexual relationship we both enjoy immensly. I have always been a woman who had multiple orgasms, but were with partners that couldn't handle that kind of power in a woman. We are so into our pleasure together, (he is 73) it is mind blowing to say the least. Your never too old and THE BEST IS YET TO COME, still.
IF AT FIRST YOU DONT SUCCEED, TRY TRY AGAIN.
MARGOLYN
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I keep reading about how someone felt after "the first orgasm". I have only ever had one per love-making session. How do I go about having more than one at a time? Sometimes I don't even get one, although it is not from lack of effort. I can get distracted by the least little thing. Frustrating.
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Dear Wendy, I believe this is your last article on this great subject, do you think that me and Laura will be able to benefit from that great recipe of yours...? I am in my menepause and I do experience the pain that comes along with dryness and since you have taked about it I would love to experience beyond my ky gel.
Thanks again for all these great articles. Gigi
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The vagina shrinks in length by two thirds when the knees are put up to the chest. Thus, in this position the penis is three times longer. The cervix must be put back in position by gently tickling it aftewards.
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Like Ginnette, I'd like the recipe for the lubricant also. Ky works,but feels sticky afterwards, to me. The same for Astroglide. Something smooth and slick would be nice. (wink wink)
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Perhaps your next article will address this....
I appreciated this article despite being already familiar with these truths because, always, being reminded of the joy of sex is arousing! However I have to say that if one wants to enjoy "the art of love-making" with a partner, one must have a partner that is sincerely into you having the experience described..... he/she must be patient, open, willing, desirous & able to gain pleasure from your pleasure. Having been around awhile now & having experienced monogamous caring relationships, I know that the combination of qualities for two people to enjoy making love regularly can be elusive.
Communication is the elusive key!
Have fun, All, making love is the closest experience to the divine in the physical.... it is a gift.
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Parts of your post Nikki really made me giggle! To be honest haven't learnt a lot from the article, but it's a good one for those who aren't yet 'aware' of themselves. One or two mention the dryness associated with the menopause - but - even though it does make it a little dryer, I found that post meno ( I had a early one at 46) was the greatest time for me to completely come alive with sex. That's with using "KY jelly" BTW. I've had truly wild orgasms since all the pressures of TOTM and PMT have gone. The kids being more or less (are they ever!) off our hands makes a heck of a difference too, so now whenever the mood strikes my DH and I have such passionate sex whenever we want. We still revel in the naughtiness of outdoor frolics too and that is superb! My love bits are always aroused by clothing, so I choose it for that more than anything else and when we go for a walk I'll often whisper to my DH that I have no panties on or he'll notice that I have no bra, but the blouse caressing my nipples as I move drives me wild!! Another thing I was surprised Wendy didn't mention was the multiple orgasms! I LOVE them - but never know when to stop!!! I know where I'm going now girls and it will be orgasmic!!! ;)
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