With a request, you are expecting a response. It requires action on behalf of the other. To me, this is tricky business. It is full of subtlety. Can expressing my desire be a coy way of hiding or stating a request? Am I my own trickster? Can I think that I am simply expressing desire when I am instead hiding my requests? You have to be really clear about your own intentions
I think that mastering this skill of speaking desires, and separating that from speaking requests, especially around sexuality is really important. When we are able to speak our desire around our sexuality, it is the beginning of removing shame.
Now…what if the listener does not know the differences between a request and an expression of desire….then what? What if the listener does not welcome expressions of desire? One might say that this does not matter. That the expression of the desire is not about the listener. It is suppose to be about the person expressing!
The expression of desire is powerful and important to us as individuals – and I encourage you to practice it. Consider having a conversation with your partner about the importance of learning how to express desires – and the difference between desires and requests. Remember, when you express desire there is no expectation of action on the part of the listener. And in that boundary, there is incredible freedom in both the expression of the desire and the listening to it.
I acknowledge that these expressions make me feel vulnerable. So don’t be surprised if this practice can do the same for you. There aren’t many rules, but if you feel anxious about this practice….you are not alone. It’s just so worth it. Once you start the ball rolling, letting your desire flow will create more possibility in your life and greater intimacy with your partner.
What to do after reading this article?
Please leave a comment, like it and share it with your social media networks.
Take advantage of Pamela’s Care2 Free offer of membership to her Shameless Community – a $25 value free to Care 2 Readers. Simply put Care 2 offer in your membership profile.
Learn more about Pamela Madsen’s coaching practice and her book by clicking here.