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Perimenopause: What’s Happening?

Perimenopause: What’s Happening?

Iíve never worried about the ďchange of lifeĒ before. Ever. I mean Iíve actually looked forward to it after years of Stage IV Endometriosis and cramps that have left me crying, cuddled in the corner like Baby on crack. But, that was before I knew I was going to be pushed up to the very razorís edge of spontaneous combustion.

It was definitely before I knew I was going to burst into flames at any possible second.

It was most assuredly before I knew that the blazing inferno inside of my body was going to reach the surface temperature of the sun about eight times a day with no warning.

Menopause: Prepare, Treat & Embrace

Picture it

Iím sitting there watching reruns of Frasier, cuddling with the Kr8z, eating Big Hunks, and suddenly I feel this warmth in my torso that quickly turns hotter and hotter and spreads throughout my whole body until Iím gasping from panic and lack of oxygen. Iím afraid to open my mouth to let in any cool air because Iíve watched†Backdraft about a million times so I know better.

Iím not sweating profusely or anything so there is that. But I am waking up a couple times a night and my yellow Dr. Seuss ďOne Fish, Two FishĒ pajamas have melded to my body like molten gold. I lay there panting with So-Kr8z trying to lick the sweat from inside my mouth. Itís all very†Animal Farm meets Suzanne Summers without her yams in the Mojave Desert in August.

I always thought that when you went into menopause youíd then graduate to Crone status; youíd be all wise and sage and have this crazy depth. Iím certainly not feeling very wise. Just yesterday I had Capín Crunch for dinner.

Picket Signs?

I visited Dr. Google looking for alternatives to hormone replacement. Iím only 42 and my guess is that, due to my endo, I only have one lone ovary up in there and she was probably struggling to keep up with my estrogen demands and went on strike. I can see her brandishing a picket sign painted with neon pink letters that read ďOverworked and underpaid.Ē Or perhaps she jumped off my uterus due to loneliness and splatted to her death. Who knows? But, there is no way Iím going to swallow a single drop of horse pee. Plus, my dearest friend lost her mom due to a blood clot from those drugs and it was heartbreaking.

Unfortunately, my research didnít uncover much. Some studies have shown flaxseed to be helpful and another study showed that it doesnít do shit, though apparently it makes you need to shit. Then we have Suzanneís yams which, apparently, donít do a damn thing either, plus yams are meant for bathing in brown sugar and butter during Thanksgiving time.

Iím not wholly sure what it all means. Perhaps itís time to take a pause. Perhaps itís time to buy a fire extinguisher. I dunno. ButÖ Iíd love some tips for unfanning these flames. What works for you, aside from Equus ferus caballus urine? Have you experienced this inner pyromaniac phenom in your body? Iíd so love some sage words of advice.

Menopause: Prepare, Treat & Embrace
Are You Perimenopausal? 14 Signs
Natural Remedies for Menopausal Symptoms


Read more: Health, Life, , , , , , , ,

By Melanie Bates

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12:32AM PST on Dec 19, 2014


5:53AM PDT on May 20, 2014

I've had some success cooling my inner furnace with cranberry juice (no sugar added) and with soy milk when I can get it down (not my favorite thing in the world). I've also been using an herbal supplement (Estroven) with soy isoflavones and black coash. One of the fun things to look forward to is when collagen levels in your skin drop and everything starts itching. I've tried all kinds of lotions but still haven't found the right combination. Anyone have any suggestions?

4:18PM PDT on Apr 16, 2014

Thank you for making me laugh! When men go thru their crises they get a hot car. Women get hot flashes! Cheaper, but not as fun. And I really don't believe doctors (esp males) understand menopause any more than the women going thru it. There are common factors, but everyone is going to have unique experiences.

3:17AM PDT on Oct 30, 2013

Attitude change: you get a free instant sauna without paying a dime... Evening primrose oil helped me some. And carry a fan in your handbag. (To waft away other people;s smoke, of course)

5:30AM PDT on Sep 28, 2013

Is it me or is it hot in here? LOL Have patience, it doesn't last. Keep your sense of humour, it IS funny. Don't be ashamed of it or try to hide it, sooner or later you really WILL transition into a wise old crone & be fully qualified to give advice to all those young upstarts who are still capable of childbearing. However bad it gets it IS better than severe endometriosis...

8:12PM PDT on Sep 14, 2013

Luckily there are natural things that can help. I never had a problem, thankfully.

2:49AM PDT on Aug 15, 2013

It could be worse. I am the same age as you and I have been told that I may have to have a hysterectomy. I am hoping that it will rid me of the past year or so's misery. Bleeding for Britain and anaemia, lathargy, exhaustion, palpatations and the threat of heart problems. Good luck with yours!

6:43AM PDT on Mar 18, 2013

I didn't enjoy this article at all. Too wiseass-y, too choke-full of I'm-desperately-trying-to-be-funny jokes and absolutely devoid of any useful information. I expect Care2 to provide me with serious articles, based at least on some research -- if I wanted to read blog posts from anonymous users, who feel it's necessary to use the word "shit" in order to make their point, I wouldn't be here.

Very, very poor article choice, Care2. Very poor.

1:40PM PST on Dec 29, 2012

I drink a glass of soymilk everyday which seems to keep the hotflashes at bay. It may not work for the extreme symptoms that are being talked about in the article and comments. I know what it means to have the cold flash, as well, although I've never heard anyone talk about that before. I think I'll be looking for the promensil pill that Heather M. was kind enough to mention. Thanks for the great article & comments, ladies.

8:43AM PST on Dec 26, 2012

Estriodol comes in a cream too that you use PV. Great for V dryness.

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people are talking

Great artist, I can only draw stick figures, hahahahaha. Thank you for caring and sharing.

Imagine a couple of DAYS like that! I could do that once or twice a year, But, years, oh man, and he…

Sounds simple enough! What's so hard?! Maybe it's the effort and the strive or motivation to keep go…

huge gratitude to you today for this timely share; thank you


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