If we had to identify one of the greatest barriers that keeps us from communicating from the heart with others, it would be blaming.
The great Buddhist teacher and writer, Pema Chodron, offers these healing words about the nature of blaming and how to move away from it, here:
“We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us and we do it with political systems, with all kinds of things that we don’t like about our associates or our society. It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others. Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground.
“Compassionate action starts with seeing yourself when you start to make yourself right and when you start to make yourself wrong. At that point you could just contemplate the fact that there is a larger alternative to either of those, a more tender, shaky kind of place where you could live.”
–From “In the Gap Between Right and Wrong,” on the About.com women’s history website.