The Truth About Blaming

If we had to identify one of the greatest barriers that keeps us from communicating from the heart with others, it would be blaming.

The great Buddhist teacher and writer, Pema Chodron, offers these healing words about the nature of blaming and how to move away from it, here:

“We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us and we do it with political systems, with all kinds of things that we don’t like about our associates or our society. It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others. Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground.

“Compassionate action starts with seeing yourself when you start to make yourself right and when you start to make yourself wrong. At that point you could just contemplate the fact that there is a larger alternative to either of those, a more tender, shaky kind of place where you could live.”

–From “In the Gap Between Right and Wrong,” on the About.com women’s history website.

Read more: Spirit, Inspiration

By Pema Chodron; the Care2 Wisdom Keeper Series.

Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Ian D.

11:52AM PST on Mar 6, 2011

Our toughest battle in life i the struggle with our emotional body or ego. Its tough being a complex individual having two separate thought processes. Identifying the ego in our every day lives and the role that it plays is a good first step in helping to quiet those thoughts and actions. A lot of people allow for the ego to be the front runner in their regular routine and therefore will be difficult to determine the difference between that and our logical mind. Meditation and silent observation is a good way of seeing the difference in ourselves as well as identifying the ego and its effect on other people.

send a green star

Bon L.

4:55AM PST on Jan 24, 2011

Thanks for the info.

Dace K.

4:02PM PST on Dec 16, 2010

most of i read here is true.
sometimes i wish i could see myself from others view, to see what im doing wrong. especially when we blame someone even if we joke, we can feel bad if someone jokes by blaming you but you forget that you say the same to others, too when you think it's not the same like you know you don't want to hurt them but you do, it is the same when you dont tell them it wasn't seriously thought.

NO ANY FW to me R.

3:01AM PDT on May 5, 2010

So true... thank You:)

Bonnie M.

6:27AM PDT on Apr 6, 2010

“We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong."

Rightly so- easier to blame the system or others and relish this act rather than have an open mind and contemplate on the larger scheme of things and issues. But- this is the way of the broad-minded and a difficult path to tread upon.
Thank you for sharing this article.

Pat T.

7:48PM PDT on Mar 24, 2010

She is so very correct and compassionate.
pat

Jane H.

8:12AM PST on Feb 10, 2010

Wow...this is it...so important