The Truth About Blaming

If we had to identify one of the greatest barriers that keeps us from communicating from the heart with others, it would be blaming.

The great Buddhist teacher and writer, Pema Chodron, offers these healing words about the nature of blaming and how to move away from it, here:

“We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us and we do it with political systems, with all kinds of things that we don’t like about our associates or our society. It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others. Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground.

“Compassionate action starts with seeing yourself when you start to make yourself right and when you start to make yourself wrong. At that point you could just contemplate the fact that there is a larger alternative to either of those, a more tender, shaky kind of place where you could live.”

–From “In the Gap Between Right and Wrong,” on the About.com women’s history website.

By Pema Chodron; the Care2 Wisdom Keeper Series.

9 comments

Elena T.
Elena Poensgen4 years ago

Thank you :)

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Thomas P.
Thomas P4 years ago

Thanks. Blame is a lot like worry in the sense that it doesn't solve problems.

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Ian Donelson
Ian Donelson6 years ago

Our toughest battle in life i the struggle with our emotional body or ego. Its tough being a complex individual having two separate thought processes. Identifying the ego in our every day lives and the role that it plays is a good first step in helping to quiet those thoughts and actions. A lot of people allow for the ego to be the front runner in their regular routine and therefore will be difficult to determine the difference between that and our logical mind. Meditation and silent observation is a good way of seeing the difference in ourselves as well as identifying the ego and its effect on other people.

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Bon L.
Bon L6 years ago

Thanks for the info.

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Dace K.
Dace K6 years ago

most of i read here is true.
sometimes i wish i could see myself from others view, to see what im doing wrong. especially when we blame someone even if we joke, we can feel bad if someone jokes by blaming you but you forget that you say the same to others, too when you think it's not the same like you know you don't want to hurt them but you do, it is the same when you dont tell them it wasn't seriously thought.

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Ana Marija R.
ANA MARIJA R7 years ago

So true... thank You:)

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Bonnie M.
Bonnie M7 years ago

“We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who’s right and who’s wrong."

Rightly so- easier to blame the system or others and relish this act rather than have an open mind and contemplate on the larger scheme of things and issues. But- this is the way of the broad-minded and a difficult path to tread upon.
Thank you for sharing this article.

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Pat Tyler
Pat Tyler7 years ago

She is so very correct and compassionate.
pat

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Jane H.
Jane H7 years ago

Wow...this is it...so important

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