START A PETITION 27,000,000 members: the world's largest community for good
START A PETITION
x

There’s No Finish Line For Divorce Recovery

There’s No Finish Line For Divorce Recovery

By Dr Karen Finn for YourTango.com.

I recently got a new computer. And if you’ve ever had to transfer files from one computer to another, you know that it can be kind of fun to take a peek at what has been hogging up space on your hard drive.

Well, on my expedition through all of my files, I found emails in my inbox that were more than ten years old! Some of these ancient notes even had details about the negotiations my ex and I went through to settle our divorce in 2002. Not really anything I need to have hanging around any more, right?

More from YourTango: The Best Breakup And Divorce Advice On YourTango

Believe it or not, I paused before hitting delete and trashing all of that ancient correspondence. I was flooded with a variety of thoughts and questions. “Those emails were part of my personal history,” I thought to myself. They were part of what defined me — back then. “Would I be throwing away a piece of myself if I deleted those emails? Would I be disrespectful of that old relationship?

Yes, ten whole years after my divorce was complete, seeing those emails brought up some of the turmoil that I went through when I got divorced. It was fleeting, but it was absolutely there.

Does this sound familiar? Most people believe that that once the divorce decree is signed, that should be the end of it. Most people also think that once you’ve moved on, things will never pop up again to remind you of the huge transition that your divorce was in your life. That’d be nice, but the truth is that your divorce will always be a part of your personal history. Even after you finish the bulk of your transition from married to single, there will be events, people and things that remind you of both the unpleasant and pleasant parts of your divorce. It’s okay and it’s normal. As you get more and more involved in living your life for you, the impact your divorce has will diminish to barely a blip on your radar.

More from YourTango: How To Bounce Back From A Break Up

How do I know? Because more than ten years after my divorce was finalized, when I found those emails detailing the negotiations about our division of property, I paused. But I paused for only a moment before I hit delete and felt really good about my current life. And you know the best part? I wouldn’t be here today without having gone through what I went through back then.

Your Functional Divorce Assignment:
What are you holding on to that you might be ready to let go? Consider the things, thoughts, and ideas that you’re holding on to currently. The ones that bring you the most pain might just be the ones that you consider letting go of.

What might be the consequences of letting them go? Thinking about the repercussions of letting these things go, you’ll discover both positive and negative possibilities. Get them all out so you can really see what the cost of letting them go might be. Sometimes the consequences of letting them go are really wonderfully positive.

More from YourTango: Ready To Get Over Your Divorce? Quit Playing This Tricky Game

Learn more about what to expect when you get divorced.

This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: There’s No Finish Line For Divorce Recovery.

Read more: Love, Relationships, , ,

have you shared this story yet?

go ahead, give it a little love

YourTango

YourTango is a digital media company dedicated to love and relationships. No matter what lovestage our users are in—single, taken, engaged, married, starting over, or complicated—we help them live their best love lives.

47 comments

+ add your own
7:50AM PDT on Apr 6, 2014

Don't get married--it's far less stressful+care free!

4:25AM PDT on Apr 5, 2014

It all depends on whether one dares to move out from the cave

2:01PM PDT on Apr 3, 2014

I'm in the process of learning to let go off the past, it's a tough but liberating journey!

12:40PM PDT on Apr 1, 2014

My take on this is that there's nothing wrong with getting bouts of nostalgia. And I don't see the problem with keeping stuff from your past around as long as it's not clutter and it's not a crutch. Otherwise, why bother taking pictures and buying stuff to begin with? The author obviously was able to delete the e-mails, so I don't see anything wrong with a little reminiscence. Thanks.

12:09AM PDT on Apr 1, 2014

Thanks for sharing!

8:07PM PDT on Mar 31, 2014

Yes, Kamia is right - have seen so many people save so much of their past they had no room to live in the present. Literally and figuratively!

5:13PM PDT on Mar 31, 2014

Well said, Kamia. You are absolutely correct.

3:26PM PDT on Mar 31, 2014

Thanks

3:05PM PDT on Mar 31, 2014

Kamia is right. I, unfortunately am the opposite. I find myself "saving" everything. Pictures (yes, even of the ex), family collectibles, everything. Because of who's they were, who the pictures are of. I don't like getting rid of any of that type of thing. I have this feeling that if I get rid of it then those people will be forgotten and they won't matter any more and history is gone and what is left of them is in the garbage can. I definitely have a "memory" problem!

3:02PM PDT on Mar 31, 2014

thanks for sharing

add your comment



Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

people are talking

Thanks good to know I am low on iron .

Thanks

ANN what does carrots has to do with Germans, NorthAmericans or amefican soldiers etc?? I think you …

How many people here have played "Got-your-nose" with a small child? This baby elephant is charming …

What an amazing story! It's heartwarming to know that there are still so many good people in this wo…

CONTACT THE EDITORS



Select names from your address book   |   Help
   

We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.