By Susie & Otto Collins for YourTango.com.
It’s going to be a disappointing 45 years if this study is correct!
In the United States, the average life expectancy for men is 76 years. For women, it’s 81. But, a sex satisfaction poll conducted earlier this year showed that both men and women considered the best sex of their lives to have occurred in their early 30s! The conclusion drawn from the survey was that both men and women reach their sexual peaks around 30 years of age.
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It’s clear that there are lots of beliefs about who, how and when to have great sex out there. The problem is that some of the most prevailing beliefs are flat-out false.
The trouble with this survey is that it drew from a relatively small pool of people (about 1281 people), and it’s therefore misleading. For instance, you might read a headline that says “Men and Women Reach Sexual Peak in Their 30s” and feel both reassured and very disheartened.
Sadly, it might confirm your perception of your own sexual experiences. And, if you’re already in your 40s, 50s, 60s or even 70s, you might be wondering if that’s it. You had your chance at great and satisfying sex, and now you have to settle for boring sex or none at all!
If you’re past your mid 30s and you don’t feel like you’ve had much (or any) fabulous sex, you might feel depressed and maybe even angry about that. We’d like to look at little more closely at some common sex myths to give you some hope. You see, we believe that you can have amazing and connecting sex even if you’re past what others say is your “sexual peak.”
1. Men peak younger than women. The prevailing belief used to be that men had their sexual peak at 18 while women peaked at 30. We wonder how much of this myth was linked to different attitudes about when and whether men and women should claim their sexual desires.
There’s no doubt that this myth creates a sense of mis-match in heterosexual relationships. It sets women and men up to believe that they’ll never be on the “same page” when it comes to really enjoying sexual intimacy. This causes distance and disconnection.
2. Sex declines (or disappears) as you age. A big myth about sex is that it’s just not fun or passionate the older you get. For some, there is a belief that you won’t have sex much (or at all) when you get past a certain age. This belief puts even more negative stress and strain on getting older!
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When a person’s body changes, he or she may give up trying to have great sex or even think it’s inappropriate. Rather than exploring new ways of being sexual with his or her partner, the person might completely shut down sexually. For those who are single, this myth may cause them to stop dating or refuse to date because of their or their potential partner’s age.
3. Sex inevitably becomes boring in long-term relationships. From our readers and coaching clients, we often hear that it is “just a given that passion will die over time.” The belief here is that it’s normal and unavoidable — sex will become stale and boring in a long-term relationship. The consequences of buying into this myth include: harboring resentment and anger, turning to addictions to make up for no passion, having affairs or merely tolerating a lagging sex life.
Question your sex peak beliefs. Here’s the good news about sexual peaks …
While one survey showed that men and women peak around age 30, experts point out that sexual peak is an individual thing. It’s going to vary, and it’s going to depend a lot on what your specific situation and attitude too.
Recognize what your beliefs are about your sexual peak, your partner’s sexual peak and your relationship intimacy. Notice it when you’re making assumptions that your partner will “never” be in the mood or that you two will “always” be this bored in the bedroom because of your ages. Question the beliefs you have and open up to the possibility that as you age, you and your partner might actually be able to enjoy one another in many ways, including sexually intimate ways.
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Keep asking yourself the questions, “Can I really know that is true?” and “Can I possibly know that this will always be true?”
Do what it takes to live a passionate life. Make keeping the passion and connection in your love relationship or marriage strong and enjoyable a priority. This starts when you question your beliefs and when you leave the door open to positive possibilities.
Then, keep discovering and re-discovering your partner. Don’t assume that you know everything that turns him or her on or that you are already well aware of what your partner’s interests (sexual or other) are. Never stop being curious about what helps you to live a more passionate life and share that with your partner. Listen without judgment to what your partner is finding interesting and engaging.
Yes, bodies change and sometimes modifications and adaptations need to be made in order to enjoy sex as we age. Stay flexible and, above all, know that with curiosity and creativity, you and your partner can reach new sexual peaks together no matter how old you are!
Who says love and passion have to die in a long-term love relationship or marriage?! Find out the secrets to creating a close, connected and passionate relationship with your partner in our free ebook: Passionate Heart~Lasting Love. Visit www.relationshipgold.com for the free ebook and free relationship resources.
This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: 3 Prevalent Myths About Sex, Debunked.