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Loading...To Be Right or To Be Happy?
- Deepak Chopra
- March 6, 2013
- 5:01 am
- 133 comments
Conflicts arise as a result of not understanding that there are as many points of view as there are people. Our unique points of view are a gift. We live in a universe reflecting who we are, which we should cherish and celebrate. Instead, we rush to defend our tiny piece of it.
Consider how relationships develop. We get along well with someone else who agrees with our point of view. We feel an intimate connection; we feel validated in their presence. Then the spell is broken: it turns out that the other person has many opinions and beliefs with which we don’t agree at all. At this point, the war between right and wrong starts, and the road to unhappiness unspools before us.
The very fact that you are in an intimate relationship makes it even more painful to find areas of disagreement. At the subtle emotional level you feel abandoned. The beautiful sense of merging with someone you love is shattered. At this point love is compromised, as both people experience the return of the ego, which says, “I am right. My way of doing things is the only way. If you really loved me, you’d give in.”
But in reality love hasn’t failed. It was just blocked by the need to be right, to cling to your own viewpoint instead of surrendering to what love would do. To the ego, however, surrender is defeat and disgrace.
If you are mindful of this fact, then every time the urge to be right surfaces in your awareness, look at your circumstances in context. Is it possible that someone else’s viewpoint is as valid as yours? Since the equality of viewpoints is a given, now it becomes possible to let go of the win-lose scenario.
Ask yourself, “What do I really want out of the situation, to be right or to be happy?” Can you see that the two are not the same? When you give in to your need to be right, you are turning your back on love, communion, and ultimately unity. Unity is the realization that at the deepest level everyone shares the same consciousness, which is the source of all love and joy.
Adapted from The Ultimate Happiness Prescription, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2009).
Read more: Deepak Chopra's Tips, Love, Relationships, Spirit, happy, right, wrong
Deepak Chopra
Acknowledged as one of the world's greatest leaders in the field of mind body medicine, Deepak Chopra, M.D. continues to transform our understanding of the meaning of health. Chopra is known as a prolific author of over 49 books with 12 best sellers on mind-body health, quantum mechanics, spirituality, and peace. A global force in the field of human empowerment, Dr. Chopra's books have been published in more than 35 languages with more than 20 million copies in print.
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Noted. Thank you for sharing.
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133 comments
+ add your ownyes, from time to time i remind myself when i talk to people "What is your choice: to be right or to be happy?"
Thank you for sharing.
When you look at nature what stands out is that everything competes for life. This means conflict is a fundamental aspect of earthly existence rather than just being a human experience of lack of appreciating others points of view. Conflict is therefore neutral when it occurs and can be either a positive or negative exxperience depending on how people choose to deal with it.
Deepak relies on this flawed foundation to discuss choosing between being right and being happy. This is also flawed as dualistic either or thinking is almost always too simplistic and there are almost always other options. In the case described in this article the ignored other options include using the conflict situation to develop a shared understanding of the area of disagreement that benefits both sides. Conflict is probably the main driver of change in life and without it we would live in a state of stagnation. It should be appreciated rather than avoided.
One can be both. Passive aggressiveness happens when someone backs down in order to keep the other person happy. They think that allowing the other person to choose, or to be right, will make everybody happy. Only deep down the passiveness forms into a puss ball (House is in TV behind me) that eventually bursts into anger. None of us can be right all the time. At the same time we can defend our opinions when we know we are right. Always stepping down causes grief too.
I am picking happy
Great Stuff! Thanks.
happy go lucky
Think of it as another viewpoint. All it will do is expand the mind. Be happy and let go.
To be HAPPY is the most important !!
It took me many years to get to the place where I realized that when someone I loved disagreed with me, it was not a personal attack on me, but simply the other person wanting to be heard. I am a lot wiser than I was in my 20s...for sure!
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