http://www.care2.com/greenliving/turning-the-tables-on-the-school-bully.html
Turning the Tables on the School Bully
I went to a crowded public school in an urban setting, so fights were an inevitable component of entertainment and horror on a weekly (if not daily) basis. But for every explosive outburst of violence, ass kicking, and exacting of justice, there were countless other cables of tension and hostility among individuals and groups of students that never fully developed into uninhibited ferocity. These were the instances of taunting, terror and simple bullying that dictated where to walk, who to be friends with, how to talk and in general shaped my fellow classmates for better or for worse (more often for worse).
While I was never really bullied (one classmate taunted me for a while, until I challenged him with a threat that was obviously so profoundly disturbing that he never talked to me again), I have seen it and, sad to say while I didn’t participate, I allowed it to transpire.
In July, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) is set to release an updated version of an official policy statement on the pediatrician’s role in preventing youth violence and bullying. This comes on the heals of a long awaited reckoning that youth violence and the phenomenon of bullying is hardly a “normal” component of childhood and not something that should easily be dismissed as “kids just being kids.” One intriguing element of this policy revision is the adoption of a prevention model developed by Dan Olweus, a research professor of psychology at the University of Bergen, Norway. Olweus prevention model, according to a recent New York Times article, ” focuses attention on the largest group of children, the bystanders” and thereby reveals the bully (or aggressor) as the person with the problem (not the poor victim getting pummeled), placing the bystander in the position of acting in defense of the victim. Considering that a quarter of all children report that they have been involved in bullying, either as bullies or as victims, this approach has the potential to make a huge impact.
But as we all know (and as I mentioned earlier) bullying is not always about explosive bursts of violence. Often it is manifested in the form of quiet taunts, vandalism, intimidation, and now (thanks to the internet) something called “cyberbullying” and even a video game. For the most part, bullying involves repetition; as the child is repeatedly targeted with physical and/or verbal attacks, often in the form of indirect bullying (rumors, exclusion, and general nastiness).
While I applaud the AAP for attempting to stay current on a widespread issue, as well as reframing the way we think about casual bullying, I wonder if this updated approach is not a little naive. Considering the multifaceted nature of bullying and youth violence, along with recent evidence that has linked bullying to undiagnosed emotional and conduct disorders, I can’t help but being reminded of the hugely laughable “just say no” anti-drug campaign of the 1980s.
No doubt, bullying is a huge problem that can, and will, follow children (both the aggressors as well as the victims) into adulthood; causing untold social and emotional problems. So, is the answer zero tolerance? Should we severely punish the aggressors and protect the innocent? Is it up to parents, teachers, or school administrators, to instill the sort of moral values that would make these incidents a rarity, and not the norm?
If anyone out there were the victim of bullying, or possibly the bully at some point in his or her life, we would love to hear from you?
Eric Steinman is a freelance writer based in Rhinebeck, N.Y. He regularly writes about food, music, art, architecture and culture and is a regular contributor to Bon Appétit among other publications.
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I was a victim of a bully in grade school(for more than 2 Years) simply because I refused to get into a battle with this person. However, after that 2 years, It became very apparent to me, this guy was not going to go away by himself. Even my brother offered at one point to kick his butt, but i refused to allow him to do so.
Later, though, as I said i fond he wasn't going away unless something caused that to happen. One day, i vowed ,if i met this bo on the way home(and his threats continued) i would take matters in my own hands. We met, he bullied, i kicked his butt, never had a problem again.Its plain to see, somewhere ,someone has to take initiative,or these bullies will continue.
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thankyou...
Kabin
Konteyner
mega kabin
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To nip this in the bud requires good parenting skills. I've long advocated there be a parenting course in the schools from kindergardten all the way to 12th grade. This course should be alternately taught in the health class right along with prevention of pregnancy & STD's.
Seems our modernized societies have forgotten how to raise children with principles, morals & ethics.
With 6.8 billion people on this planet it is an insurmountable problem worldwide.
Plant trees for life.....On earth.
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Undoubtedly this problem needs to be nipped in the bud
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Most definately it can and would stop if children were taught to stand up for those who are unable to stand up for themselves. I do not know how I became this way but I have never been able to stand on the sideline while someone gets abused (it is abuse). If verbal, I would always have a witty smart ass remark to throw out there for the underdog. Example: (Im 30) When I was in high school, a senior was standing over a freshman demanding money. I being a junior walked by and heard... "If you don't have bla bla money by the end of next period"... I blurted out "Why? Do you need money for some soap"? I remember it would totally throw the bully off. I would be with my group of friends so the chances of the bully messing with my group was slim. It just seemed to take the pressure off the situation, turned the tables around and I think really helped the freshman in knowing someone would say something.
But thats not all... I remember sitting with someone at lunch just because no one else would. Once I sat with Barb. I asked Barb about her boyfriend and family stuff... She said her boyfriend was sending her bad letters and thought she was cheating on him... She wasn't and I wish I would have known about stalking back then. Her boyfriend came back from Alaska 2 weeks later. From how the story was told, Barb wanted to break up and her boyfriend shot her in the head with a double barrel shot gun. He then killed himself. I wish I would have spent more time at the lunch table with her.
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Thank you to everyone for your thoughtful and sometimes revealing comments. I really appreciate everyone's honesty and candor.
Eric Steinman
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hi
i am a victim of extreme bad bullying from my father & other family members -& every moment is fearful & dangerous , now psycho-bullying which can cause death .
have tried to get help , but the whole town & world is doing this now.
actually , i am quite old - 49 - but live with old parents .
it is like mafia or neo-fascism , bullying behaviour .
i don't live in usa .
in south africa now , the police & support groups are wanting people & women to be abused & killed , it is the new regime & new tourism , & i find this going on in other countries too , it is very complex , there are many parties - difficult to get help .
victime spend their entire life having to beg & pray for telepathic assistance from afar , & as well as my father , he has friends who are worse than him.
i blame his parents who raised him this way - but also his church is to blame.
bullying is so popular at the moment , we victims have less & less chance .
suzanne
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business. Think about it, if one of your co-workers was giving you grief, would you want alarm bells to go off and everyone be aware of the situation and have it fixed for you? No, you would not.
Just be there if needed, don't force yourselves upon us.
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I understand that bullying is a big problem, but I really do not think that it is as widespread as many people think. Do not get me wrong, bullying is a horrible thing, where it happens it should be stopped and I do not think it is justifiable. However, every school I've been to, I have never noticed any bullies or victims, there were no 'fights at the school gates', sure there were rumours and drama, but it was never long-lasting or acted upon or caused hatred.
And I do not believe that this is because of the schools 'bullying system' where bullies can be reported anonymously, I believe it's because not every kid you meet is a bully or a victim. People in general are nice and it is good to rememeber that on the whole, we are nice. It really irritates me when people cross the street to avoid me or something, I don't even look scary it is simply because of my age and THAT is stereotypical and prejudice and therefore a form of bullying.
I have been bullied once in my life, once. It was by one person, not a gang or a group, just one person, and in reflection, I was so stupid to be scared by it, I could have just walked away and nothing would have happened. I never got hit or kicked or thrown or beaten up. It was just when I walked past him he would shove me or walk into me and call me gay.
It's ok for all of you adults to talk about bullying and how wrong it is and how it should be stopped, but 99% of the time, kids just want you to keep your nose out and mind your own
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