Understanding Men

Welcome to the 10th article in the series Breaking the Dysfunctional Dating Cycle and Find Love. Reading all the previous articles is recommended as it will bring you up to speed as to where we are in this process. Click here to find the previous articles.

It came to my attention during my own process of dating discoveries that something needed to change in my perception of men. I am going to use my experiences as a heterosexual to explain things, however it really does not make a difference what your sexual orientation is to understand this philosophy. If you are in a same-sex relationship, there might be one of you that has a stronger feminine or masculine side than the other. If so, then you might find the following information valuable as well.

We have all been through a lot of confusion about the male-female relationship and dynamics between the sexes, but I never completely understood this until I attended a weekend workshop designed by Allison Armstrong from PAX Seminars about understanding men. There were so many incredible insights that I learned throughout this weekend workshop that helped me not only understand men better, but to have more confidence in myself as well. I highly recommend taking a workshop or getting one of her CDs.

One of the important things I learned was how we as women emasculate men and as a result we lose their trust. It is not something that we are consciously doing, but unfortunately society has reinforced this behavior. Whether we realize this or not, this chips away at a man’s self-esteem and we continue to push them farther away. For me, I wanted to gain a man’s trust. I wanted to find my best friend and be a supportive, kind and loving partner. This does not mean subservient as that is not my style, but I had to look at the various ways that I added to emasculating my partner. I realized that every time I criticized, rolled my eyes, continually interrupted him, invalidated his opinion, laughed at men-bashing jokes, that I was only putting more and more of a wall between us.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
Care2, Inc., its employees or advertisers.

Rosesemary D.

12:06PM PST on Nov 13, 2012

I agree with the author,why????when both of you are having previous relationships and both of you are in 40s most of the time the guy are very careful what he says especially on first date,usually the women has a lot to say then when both of you are getting along together that's the time the guy started to talk about everything because he started to trust you and the rest are......best friend,lover,confidant'e is yours

November 13
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Abbe A.

6:17AM PDT on Jul 2, 2012

double standard

July 2
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Patricia H.

2:01AM PDT on May 11, 2012

thanks for sharing

May 11
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Jane B.

10:08PM PST on Feb 25, 2012

This article makes no sense to me. The men that are discussed in this article sound really weak. How can light humor chip away at their self esteem? A confident man would laugh at little jokes. The author says she wanted to gain a man's "trust". Then later she says he starts "pulling away". Sounds like she wanted to reel him in like a fish. I think it's unfair to entrap a man. They pull away because they are afraid of commitment and they don't really like you that much. Men traditionally don't want the same things in a relationship that women do and I understand that. Women want a best friend, kind, loving supportive partner, men just want sex and dinner cooked on time. I don't want to be around a guy that I have to "masculate" all the time and constantly blow smoke and not "criticize". Perhaps this article should be titled, How to Suck Up to a Loser with Low Self Esteem and Marry Him.

February 25
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Suzanne L.

9:31PM PST on Feb 25, 2012

All of the things you've included under "emasculating men" are really disrespectful put-downs of one kind or another which are poison in any relationship. Men do this to women sometimes too and there's lots of sexist humour on both sides. Perhaps the best rule of thumb for both genders or any partners in any couple is to show some common courtesy, consideration and respect to each other.

Past Member .

10:08PM PST on Feb 3, 2012

I understand men just fine......and they know it!

February 3
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Kathy P.

6:13PM PST on Jan 27, 2012

thanks...

January 27
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Miriam W.

6:13AM PST on Jan 25, 2012

I still think a lot of problems stem from the socioeconomic inequity between the sexes.
We need to get rid of that before any of these games and probs. disappear.

January 25
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Peter M.

5:17AM PST on Jan 17, 2012

Good information

January 17
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Deb L.

1:16AM PST on Jan 13, 2012

Yawn! "Women, and Cats, will do as they damn well please. Men & Dogs, had just best damn get used to it". (Unknown). I like that saying and think it applies quite well. Men also will do as they will, usually at our expense. C'est la Vie!