In my last article I raised quite a few eyebrows and upset the apple cart with many women in writing about “Understanding Men.” Whether or not we like it, men and women are different. There were some very simple responses to the last article stating, “let’s all just respect each other” when I touted that society and most especially women, ‘emasculate men’. As I suspected, the majority of the women did not like this statement, and the men were most thankful. Surprising response…huh?
In this article, I am going to lightly cover understanding women. Ladies, you might want to cut and paste this one into your man’s e-mail.
If this is your first time joining us, I have been writing a series on Breaking the Dysfunctional Dating Cycle and Finding Love. I would recommend you read all the previous posts to bring you up to speed and to better understand where this particular article’s viewpoint is coming from. Click here to read the previous posts.
Let’s face it, women have been trying to figure out men for centuries and men have been trying to figure out women. Women complain that men don’t take the time to try and figure us out as much as we do them, however, I think they do it in their own quiet way. I have never met a man that runs to his friends and processes the relationship and his feelings with them, however, being a woman, this can be a natural, everyday occurrence.
If I had an open platform with a room filled with men, here are a few things I would love to tell them about Understanding Women.
When a woman is having challenges in her relationship or with life in general, we talk to our girlfriends. This is how we bond, this is how we feel safe and comfortable. It is not something we are doing to disrespect you or the relationship, it is simply our way of working things out. Just as men often get quiet and go into their cave, women need to express their feelings to someone they trust. We need to talk things through until it is completely out of our system. It might seem like we are over processing every little issue, but understand that this is your perspective based on who you are, and that talking for us provides an outlet and release from our frustrations.
Crying. Please don’t tell your woman not to cry. This is another way we release our feelings when things get overwhelming. We know you are uncomfortable when we cry and sometimes we just need to be held and told that “everything will be okay.” It might not make any sense at the moment, but try it the next time your partner cries. Just reach out to her and see what happens. I am not saying that men do not cry, however I have noticed the reaction from men when a woman cries. They can feel helpless and not know what to do. Just hold her and allow her the space to cry and just be present. Don’t try and fix her.
When a woman hears that she is “being too sensitive” this can go either way. If you are saying this to a woman who has come into her power, watch out. This will only anger her and rightfully so. If you are saying this to a woman who has not yet developed into her power, she will re-coil. Either way, telling a woman she is too sensitive is an attempt to invalidate the very core of her being. I personally do not believe that a person can be “too sensitive.” Everyone feels emotion at a different level; it is how you express that emotion is the important element. The other expression I would not use with a woman is “you are such a bitch.” You will have the same reaction as previously stated. When a woman is acting in a certain way, angry or any other, ask her calmly, “what are you feeling? Are you okay?” You might be in the heat of an argument, but if you can muster up enough inner calmness and gently ask what she is feeling this could diffuse the situation. Often times our hurt comes out in anger and we just need for you to ask us what is really going on.
I am saving the big one for last and this probably goes for both men and women, however I hear this more from women. Do NOT lie to us or cheat on us! Can I say that again? Do not lie or cheat on us!
Let’s begin with lying. Most men lie to women because they are afraid of their reaction if they tell the truth. Simply stating, “I’m afraid to tell you the truth because I’m scared of your reaction” will be useful. That very statement tells a woman a lot. It helps us to prepare and understand that if we don’t want to alienate you from future uncomfortable situations that we might want listen to what you have to say more calmly. This does not mean that we will not be upset given the degree of what you have to share with us, however it will help for us to be aware. Women hate being lied to and would much rather know the truth. If you think you are saving a woman by telling her a lie, this is just the opposite. We are much stronger and tougher than you think.
Here’s the deal, although women are sensitive, feminine beings, we are extraordinarily powerful beings. By nature, women can handle much more emotional pain and trauma than men. This has been proven time and time again. Not only are our bodies built incredibly strong to bear children and sustain them, but the very core of our emotional being is stunningly powerful. I am so often in awe watching women navigate through life’s most difficult challenges where most men crumble and check out.
Cheating. This is something I never understood. Why cheat? Why not just get out of the relationship? I had a boyfriend who cheated on me and when I confronted him, he lied about it. This makes absolutely no sense to me, especially if you are not married. There is nothing at stake. Just break up with the person. If you are in a marriage and feel the need to cheat, talk about it before doing it. Discuss your feelings about why you want to cheat or get to a therapist. If my boyfriend had come to me and told me that he wanted to be with another woman, it would hurt, however, we could then examine why he felt this way.
I suppose all of this is moot because if someone wants to cheat, they probably have very little consciousness at the moment to talk about it. The best advice? Just don’t do it!! It’s bad karma.
That’s it for this week. Although I did not cover all there is to understanding women, these are just the things that come to mind. Feel free to add some of your own thoughts!