Use Mindfulness to Enhance Intimacy

You would think that when it comes to love and sex, people would feel that they were most able to live in the moment. The strong and pleasurable emotion of love and its expression through sex would demand their focus and awareness, bringing them into the “now” of real time.

But the truth is, those are the two areas where it’s possible to be your least present, even when you’re there physically. Just because you tell someone you love them, or offer your body sexually, doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve let your guard down completely.

If you find that you aren’t giving your full awareness to moments of intimacy, and can’t fully focus on being with your partner romantically or sexually, then the whole you isn’t there. And, undoubtedly, the person you’re with will know it, too.

Intimacy without mindfulness is intimacy without awareness, and intimacy without awareness is not genuine closeness. If that’s the case, it’s almost impossible to sustain a healthy relationship that keeps you interested and satisfied over time.

When you’re not fully present, you begin to feel that something is missing and you’ll eventually go looking for it elsewhere. But instead of finding a new and truly intimate relationship, you’re likely once again to experience feelings of boredom or frustration. You could soon find yourself in a revolving door of relationships.

When your expectation is for someone else to keep you in the present moment, you place the burden on the other person to satisfy you, but it’s you that feels unsatisfied because of your inability to stay present.

Where does your mind drift to during these intimate moments of your life? It may be that you’re caught somewhere in the past (which has already come and gone), or in the future (which hasn’t yet happened). It can also be that you’re thinking about someone other than the person you’re in a relationship with and that’s the cause of your distraction. Are you fantasizing about another person? If that’s the case, why would you be intimate with someone you’re not even thinking about while you’re with them?

If you don’t feel that you can express yourself with full awareness and emotional honesty, you might want to hold off on engaging in intimate or sexual relationships until you’ve sorted out the cause. True intimacy has to begin with your honest relationship to yourself. The best way to do that is to be with yourself quietly in mindful meditation.

Mindfulness creates conscious intimacy. It liberates you to be who you are right now. It doesn’t keep you trapped in who you once were or who you think you should be. It gives you the awareness you need to be comfortable expressing the authenticity of your heart and your sexuality with another person in a real and beautiful way.

Use this guided meditation as a way to connect to your core self and your inner voice of truth:

1. Find a quiet place to sit.

2. Close your eyes.

3. Take a deep breath in and out.

4. If your mind begins to wander at any time, bring your focus and awareness back to your breath.

5. Say to yourself, “Let my heart speak only truth to me. Let it guide me to where I wish to be.”

6. Tell yourself, “I release my inauthentic self and I surrender to who I am.”

7. Assert: “I choose to be present in all areas of my life.”

8. Affirm: “I am open and available in love and sex.”

9. Take another deep breath in and out.

10. Bring your focus back to ending your meditation, and when you’re ready, open your eyes.

11. Take a few minutes to sit with what you’re feeling or experiencing in your body.

12. Accept the outcome of your meditation with self-love and non-judgment.

By meditating on your most real and present self, you’re calling forth positive energy into supporting yourself and moving that energy into your relationships. This will help you connect to your partner more openly and allow a deeper intimacy.

 

Ora Nadrich is a certified Life Coach, certified Mindfulness Meditation teacher, and author of Says Who? How One Simple Question Can Change The Way You Think Forever. Her unique, practical method helps her clients attain happiness and fulfillment by teaching them to look inward and connect to their authentic selves in order to reach their goals. Visit www.oralifecoach.com.

75 comments

Moesha W
Moesha W18 hours ago

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Mark H
Mark H2 months ago

TY. I think of Lady Lamb and "Tender Warriors Club".

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Mark H
Mark H2 months ago

Also for meeting the world on a true personal relationship, as noted in the affirmations. TY!

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Joemar K
Joemar Karvelis3 months ago

Thanks

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Panchali Yapa
Panchali Yapa3 months ago

Thank you

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Christy J
Christy J3 months ago

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Roberto MARINI
Roberto MARINI3 months ago

thanks for this useful advice

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Bill E
Bill Eagle3 months ago

There are so many things going on in our lives that we all need to take time out to meditate.

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Leo C
Leo C4 months ago

Thank you for sharing!

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Lisa V
Lisa V4 months ago

I like to stretch first too.

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