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Viagra for Women? Think Again

Viagra for Women? Think Again

Lybrido, the newly heralded possible “cure” for diminished lady lust, are poised to reheat the marriage bed. According to the recent Sunday New York Times Magazine cover story: Unexcited? There May Be A Pill For That, women’s libidos plummet somewhere between one and four years into a monogamous relationship. These medications are supposed to rekindle her fire to prevent extinction of the marriage bond and fidelity. Now, mind you, women–even those who have become quite creative at dodging the sex bullet at home–are perfectly capable of getting hot and bothered when there’s someone new and sexy around. That dopamine rush can still hit the nether regions when an anti-partner hunk saunters onto the scene.

The article, a foretaste of Dan Bergner’s new book, “What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire,” underscores that monogamy and its common companion, boredom, may be the culprits.

So, if this is the case, then why a pill? I don’t see any sign of disease or dysfunction. Are we saying that to preserve a grand social fiction of happily ever after we need to pharmaceutically prime the lust pump?

The waters get even murkier when we put antidepressants, known sex-flame retardants, in the mix. Women are two-and-a-half times more likely than men to be on those buggers. In fact, 23% of women in their 40s and 50s take antidepressants, a higher percentage than any other group by age or sex. (Harvard Health blog)

A big class of antidepressants categorized as SSRIs impact are notorious for crushing libido in both women and men.

Along comes “female Viagra,” which unlike the male counterpart goes after another neurotransmitter, dopamine, not just the pipes. It doesn’t take much to imagine lots of women on a “go ask Alice” mind-bender, taking one pill to counteract the other.

Is playing with the body’s delicate biochemical balance the only solution to limp libido?

There just might be another way And it’s organic! Holistic!! And renewable!!!

I have a first hand experience that women, even those who feel numb and disconnected from their own sexuality, possess a deep reservoir of lust and desire. It all starts with learning how to stimulate and access arousal, the ignition switch of the dopamine engine. It’s unfamiliar to most women and forbidden for many. After all, how many of us get lessons in understanding and identifying the mechanisms of our own sexuality, let alone how to use it?

What women do get taught is how to shut it down and keep it quiet. The first step is to give women tools, language and permission to recognize and welcome their own arousal.

This can look like self-touching practices, working with Sexological Body Workers, or even experimenting with one way touch practices within the relationship such as Orgasmic Meditation (OM).

When my clients get a feel for their own embodiment, and get a handle of what arousal feels like, they report that sex with their partners went from dry to juicy even when the moves were predictable and nothing changed on the surface. They say they’re more receptive and feel enlivened by touch, a far cry from the fatigue of the familiar. And all of it without a pill.

 

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Read about Pamela’s journey in her book: “Shameless: How I Ditched The Diet, Got Naked, Found True Pleasure and Somehow Got Home in Time to Cook Dinner”

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Pamela Madsen

Pamela Madsen is an Integrative Life Coach Specializing In Women's Issues: Sexuality, Fertility, Body Image, Wellness and Rejuvenation. Pamela is also author of the best selling memoir Shameless (Rodale, Jan 2011), and founder of The American Fertility Association.Her websites BeingShameless.com and her daily blog, thefertilityadvocate.com, are a breakfast essential for reporters, writers and policymakers.

50 comments

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1:52AM PDT on Sep 7, 2014

Thank you

3:18PM PST on Jan 17, 2014

Thank you !

11:20AM PST on Dec 21, 2013

As far as I know Viagra helps the ,am with an erection that is all. It does not give higher libido, are make him feel more or have have higher desire.

Am I totally misinformed?
Since women do not need an erection to have sex,why write an article about Viagra for women?

Any advice that helps both men and women to have happy heathy sex life is great.
I am afraid it takes the right partner to ignite most women's deepest passion.
Wrong partner and the motivation for trying the advice given here is lacking.....
Unfortunately.

9:35PM PDT on Aug 27, 2013

Thank you for sharing

10:25AM PDT on Jul 2, 2013

PS I'm in my 40s...

10:24AM PDT on Jul 2, 2013

Ok....hang on a second...am I the only one that thinks this is bullshit?? Have to say I'm pretty fed-up with this notion that men are more sexual than women, that we find ways to avoid it... B.S.!! I have a very high sex drive, higher than most of my ex's, and I'm not the only one. Plenty of my friends moan because their partners/husbands keep making excuses NOT to have sex! Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are a lot of women who go off sex when they're in a long-term relationship, BUT let's acknowledge there are a heck of a lot of men who do the exact same thing. Thank you...rant over... ;)

10:14AM PDT on Jul 2, 2013

Viagra works by blocking ped5
pde5 Knocks down NO2 nitric oxide, nitric oxide relaxes blood vessels in your body, this lets more blood threw your body even down their where you need it for sex, man or women.
the best source for NO2 is L arginine 5 grams a day from the Mayo clinic I take 7.
side effects from NO2 are lowers your blood pressure back to normal if you have high blood pressure dissolving plaque in your arteries, keeping arteries, and veins pliable. Wow, these are all good things?

6:47AM PDT on Jun 11, 2013

would something like this make a difference to an asexual? Or does it just raise the desire?

12:19AM PDT on Jun 11, 2013

tyvm...

11:13AM PDT on Jun 9, 2013

Oh well here I go again 1/2 of the comment left out. As I was saying my sister and her husband celebrate every moment of the courtship and marriage.. The day they met, the day they got engaged, the birth of each of their children, the anniversay of the wedding. Every year they go on a vacation with the family, but they also set aside the weekend of the date that got married, and go away together just the 2 of them. They are the way married life should be, ( shared and enjoyed with all of romance, adventure, affection, love, togetherness, companionship, ) That is what I wish for all of the care 2 members to find., The right one to spend the rest of your life together. Have a great summer.

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