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When Love is Alchemy

When Love is Alchemy

Love, in all its fragile forms, is the one powerful, enduring force that brings real meaning to our everyday lives…but the love I mean is the fire that burns inside us all, the inner warmth that prevents our soul from freezing in the winters of despair.  –Bradley Grieves

I always thought of love as the exchange, the giving and the receiving of energy in the myriad forms of life exchanges. Knowing that we all experience love differently is what makes the exchanges so difficult for so many of us. Often unable to articulate what it would take for us to feel the love of our partner, we flail about in our relationships, feeling more emptiness than connection. We long to feel full of love but don’t know how to actually feel it when it’s aimed at us directly.

When love works, it is a transmission of goodness. It awakens the seed of goodness that lives in us. But many people do not get this transmission from the loving acts that other people offer them. It is not just a mental transfer that happens through words. Waking up the seed of our own loveliness is visceral. You feel it in your body. I remember learning that the love we extend happens through our heart center, and that the love we take in happens though our backs behind our heart. I am not alone with serious tightness and blockages behind my heart. Whether they are small compliments or deep gestures of generosity, learning to let the experience of being loved into our physical bodies is worthy of attention.

Opening up to receive love is only part of the work. In order for it to work its alchemical magic, there must be an internal space to hold this received love. This is how the seed of our own loveliness matures into a thriving energy that transforms our own life and can reach out to others. I never fully understood that while the process begins with the transmission of goodness from the outside, it is sustained by the container we create in ourselves for love to collect in us.

I never thought of myself as a chalice of love. Nor, have I really considered that all of the goodness that has come into me over the years has collected and grown there, making me more and more myself. For so long, I have focused on the exchange of loving gestures, that I never considered the paradigm that holds the love in you. Robin McKinley’s beautiful fable, Chalice, a story that captured my imagination recently is the perfect metaphor for this new discovery. When love is alchemy it transforms us from the inside out. As the honey chalice in her story portrays, for love to work its miracles it must be something that sticks in you. It is the ability to hold our own goodness, sparked by others, but growing in our own conception of ourselves that heals us. Contemplating myself as a chalice of love is something that I think may change everything.

Read more: Health, Love, Making Love Sustainable, Relationships, Sex

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.


+ add your own
9:40AM PDT on Mar 15, 2010

Great article. Thank you Wendy.

9:26PM PST on Mar 13, 2010


9:00AM PST on Mar 8, 2010

to feel that you are loved (or understand love)you must be able to feel love yourself - only then can the exchange happen.

6:09PM PST on Mar 5, 2010

I once asked God why I was destined to love people even when they hurt me or leave and still love them. The answer I received was "because you can." I didn't like the answer at the time but have since learned that it is a gift to know how to see inside someone and love them even if they don't love themselves. I am able to love even when all human sense says "give up." I got picked on by family and still get picked on for being "mushy" and sentimental but somehow I always knew intrinsically that love was the most important thing.

2:36AM PST on Mar 5, 2010

If you have love you will have joy and smiles. If you have love, there is not hatred, there will be peace. Love is a characteristic that is everlasting, never ending; it lasts for life on earth and in heaven.
acekard 2

12:48AM PST on Feb 27, 2010

Thank you

3:22PM PST on Feb 22, 2010

thanks for the post

3:21PM PST on Feb 22, 2010


8:39PM PST on Feb 21, 2010

While not a fan of organized religion, I think of myself as a spiritual agnostic and I do like one particular passage in the bible that pretty much sums it all up: "1 Corinthians 13" This, in my opinion, is the most beautiful part of the bible and pretty much sums it all up. It doesn't matter whether you are an athiest, agnostic, or what ever religious belief, it still holds true.

5:53PM PST on Feb 21, 2010

Great definition of love.

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Disclaimer: The views expressed above are solely those of the author and may not reflect those of
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people are talking

Very useful info, thank you.

Don’t skip or delay meals:

Thanks for sharing.


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