By Debi Berndt for YourTango.com.
Every holiday season brings about anticipation for the new year. But it isn’t all exciting: For single people, the upcoming year, or the thought of celebrating another birthday alone, can cause a great deal of stress and pressure to find “the one” before they get any older. Do you have a love deadline based on your age?
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Just like the number on the scale when you are trying to lose weight, the number you put a relationship deadline on brings a heavy emotional weight when searching for your true love. Almost everyone measures worth and attractiveness for themselves and others based on age. But why do we do this?
I remember being so depressed on my twenty-fifth birthday. I felt like an old maid. Little did I know that every year from then on, I would experience the same stress to find a husband. The pressure only increased each year and deepened my belief that my time had passed, I was too old for love, and that I may have to settle for someone I wasn’t attracted to just so I didn’t have to be alone anymore. Sound familiar?
When did NOT settling mean that you must somehow be broken, just because you didn’t get married in your twenties? Is it better to be at least married and divorced than to never be married? The biggest fear was that I would end up being an “ungathered rose” for the rest of my life, as my sister’s boyfriend affectionately called me.
I speak to women and men of all ages all the time. No matter what age they are, from 25 to 85, they all seem to think they are too old for love. As a single person in the high-tech world, the age reminder is right in front of you, as you date online, like a tattoo on your forehead. You may not even look at a profile if they aren’t in the “right” age bracket.
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Aging is a part of life and often regarded as the criteria we all choose a partner but never admit it openly. Is there a perfect age for love? No way, because love is beyond the body; it is something unseen. You don’t fall in love with someone’s number on their birth certificate… you connect with their heart that is truly ageless. If you jump into a marriage to beat the clock, you may settle for less or get bored with your choice as you grow spiritually.
With each passing decade, my tastes changed and matured as to what I truly wanted because I became more conscious of my true self. In my twenties, I just wanted the cute and fun guy. In my thirties, I wanted the yogic, spiritual guy — and didn’t care if he had any ambition. When I reached forty and started my own business, I realized I wanted balance between attraction, consciousness and success. I am so glad I didn’t settle for what I begged for in my twenties or thirties!
The more you know yourself, the better chances you have of going through decades and growing together instead of growing apart. I have met people in their forties who are still dating like they are in junior high, and twenty-somethings with maturity and awareness that blows me away. So instead of putting the pressure on finding someone before you are 30, 40, 50 or 60, why not set your goal to growing your own consciousness and finding a match that fits your spiritual maturity instead of your biological maturity?
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If you don’t judge people by their age, you will find that potential dates won’t judge you on yours. You will begin to seek partners beyond their body and surface personality, and connect to a deeper love that is available. If you have to wait a little longer to find each other, it will be worth the wait to have a love that lasts. You will be at the perfect age for love.
This article originally appeared on YourTango.com: You’re Never Too Old For True Love!.