Has your little lost sex drive gone into hiding? Have you forgotten what it feels like to be hot for your lover? Do you feel like you want to be sexual, but you’re just not, like a switch within you just flipped to the permanent OFF position? If you do, you’re one of the millions of women out there who feel this way. Studies suggest that 10% of women suffer from hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), the unexplained loss or reduction of sexual thoughts, fantasies and desire. The number is probably even higher if you look at women who are postpartum, depressed, overworked, or otherwise distracted from making sex a priority.
Lack of desire
My patient Gina told me that, after her baby was born, she honestly wished she never had to have sex again. She loves her husband and finds him sexy in an academic sort of way, and technically, he knows all the right moves to get her juices flowing. When she forces herself to be intimate with him, her body responds. She gets wet, her nipples become aroused, and she can achieve orgasm. She just doesn’t want to. And she’s afraid her marriage is in jeopardy.
As a gynecologist, I’m intimately in touch with how big an issue this is. Many women force themselves to go through the motions of sex, even when they feel no desire. They fear that if they don’t, they will lose a partner to an affair- or divorce. So they dread bedtime, when the issue of sex may arise. Although their bodies may respond to sexual touch, their minds fail to catch up. Many say they “feel dead inside.” As a result, they lose their mojo, that connection with another and with Source that gives us that spring in our step, signaling how vital we feel.
Viagra’s not the answer
When Viagra came out, many anticipated that it might be the magic bullet women need to spice up their sexual desire. But it didn’t work. Turns out that you can bring blood flow to the clitoris and it still doesn’t help with the complex neural mechanisms that turn a woman on. Since then, drug companies have been clamoring to discover the drug that might serve the needs of women with decreased libido (anticipating a multi-billion dollar pay out, of course).