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Wisdom from Pat Bluth

Wisdom from Pat Bluth

It ought to be easy to forgive. However, forgiveness is hard and difficult.

Forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness is there for you at any moment. You may really want to forgive someone or yourself, but how does a person begin to forgive? First think about what forgiveness means and what it does not mean.

People have a lot of misgivings about forgiveness. Some think they can’t forgive because it’s “too difficult.” The hurt may be too deep and the offense may seem unforgiveable. The offender may not deserve forgiveness.

Some find forgiving impossible to do. The anger can be so deep that there is no way to find peace. They may think forgiving will be excusing his or her wrongful actions. Forgiving can be the key to finding peace. Healing the hurts you didn’t deserve can be difficult and may seem to be impossible. But healing is possible through forgiveness.

Forgiving the person that hurt you deeply is the only way to heal the pain. The pain will not be able to heal itself. Forgiveness is necessary to healing and finding peace. The bitterness you hold on to is not hurting the person who offended you; it is only eating away at your heart and peace of mind. Until you forgive, you hold on to bitterness, hatred and anger and you can’t move forward….Continue reading at

Pat is an author, bereaved parent, licensed family therapist, grief facilitator, speaker and co-founder of a Mothers Against Drunk Driving chapter.

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9:33PM PDT on May 20, 2013

My mother took herself from this world. I can and will forgive her but I will never forgive myself. I will live with this hate for myself till the day i'm gone.

11:00PM PST on Jan 23, 2013

lots of good stuff in this piece-tho u almost lost me right at the start - "forgiveness is hard and difficult" - remember the power of words- if u say its so, then so it is. forgiveness is often a process, which can be created with ease and grace. otherwise, thank you for the wise words.

1:03AM PST on Jan 23, 2013

Interesting article, I feel you need to forgive to move on. But that's not to say trust the person who hurt you. As the saying goes, "once bitten twice shy"

2:12PM PST on Jan 22, 2013

I try and forgive people however sometimes it works and other times it doesn't, I think it is something you have to keep trying at especally if it is a family member or a love one. One day they could be gone and you would have wished you had not spent soo much time being angry at them and missed time with them.

9:24AM PST on Jan 22, 2013

What a beautiful place.

9:13AM PST on Jan 22, 2013

Forgive the digression, but I'd like to be hiking in that picture right about now.

8:23AM PST on Jan 22, 2013

I agree with Marie W, some things are unforgivable. In addition, I find the people I have forgiven in the past invariably take it as an opportunity to stab me in the back again.

Forgive by all means - if you can - but don't let toxic people back into your life.

7:39AM PST on Jan 22, 2013

(cont'd) letting who he is still impact the world. I believe someone should be accountable for letting that girl drive that night. Even that person, I don't hate. But yes, he should be held accountable and used as an example to the world how wrong his actions were. and are. yet, he shouldn't be condemned without a chance to be made better. What forgiveness does for the forgiver, is a bonus, it isn't the reason we offer it. And we cant say we're forgiving someone because its good for us and I'm not doing it for them. Again, that simply is not the meaning of forgiveness.

For those who are Christian, we believe in the Ultimate forgiveness, offered for each of us on the Cross. Jesus didn't do that for Himself. He did that for us, for you, and for me. And for those who are not Christian, simply look to the word defined:

for·give 1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).3. to grant pardon to (a person).4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

7:38AM PST on Jan 22, 2013

(continued )I don't want hate in there to tarnish it. I want my heart to radiate only love, and although it now will forever also radiate sadness, that sadness is born from a deep, enduring love. When I feel hate emerging in me, I ask God to take it from me and then I pray for the person, or their family. Forgiving isn't for the self, but letting go is. If you can do both, maybe that's what healing is? I don't know. I don't believe I will ever heal from this loss. But I have for the most part, let go of my sons killer. Anger for her and the others who let her drive that night don't consume me, my son consumes me, my daughters, my grandchildren. And yes,my grief. I don't hold the killer in my heart or soul wrapped in hate. Yet, I as well, don't have to choose to forgive, she died on impact. God has already chosen to forgive her, or not to, only He is able to see her heart and know why her life went as it did. And I am thankful He takes that on for us; judgement, so I don't have to. I can focus on my grief, my memories, my life, my son, my family, my faith. Sometimes, yes I feel it, hate, in moments, but I then remove it from myself, by the Grace of God.. I wont let it linger in me. I simply cant. I don't have the energy that carrying it requires, and I prefer to let God take that burden to know her and judge her. I am more interested in loving my son and my daughters, my grandchildren, and finding a way to bring honor to my sons memory, and keep his life here with us, letting

7:36AM PST on Jan 22, 2013

I've been seeing lots written lately about how we need to forgive, not for the person we are forgiving, but for ourselves. I've not said anything in response, as I don't want to offend anyone. But finally, I decided to reply with the hope to offer something for anyone struggling with forgiveness as we all do, that it might help in at least some very small way. It isn't always clear, and it doesn't often feel like a choice, We feel what we feel. Deciding to forgive doesn't just happen, it is a process. And certainly not always so easy. It requires work. But it is not for ourselves that we do it, yet we benefit immensely when we do:
"Im sorry. I have hesitated to say what I believe. I don't wish to offend anyone, but this seems to keep coming up and so I feel its time I say how I believe about this. Forgiveness isn't for ourselves. Unless it is ourselves we are forgiving. It is, in fact, for the one we are forgiving, Otherwise, it isn't true forgiveness, its letting go, and if letting go is what we can and need to do, then that in itself is a good thing too. But to forgive, means to pardon. Not excuse. Not pretend it never happened. A person can be held accountable even while forgiven. If we say its for ourselves, that is simply not forgiveness. I'm not going to tell anyone to forgive, each will follow their heart and their faith. I will say I personally refuse to let hate take up space in my heart, the same chamber that holds my love for all of my family and friends. I don'

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