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You Can’t Always Get What You Want

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

“You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need….” -Rolling Stones

This song starts to play in my head at interesting moments. Lately it is on instant replay as I sort through current events and try to organize them in categories of what I want and what I need. Here again I seem to be proving Daniel Gilbert’s theory of Stumbling Around Happiness, which demonstrates that we humans have as little accuracy in remembering what happened in the past as we do at predicting how we will feel in the future. Our mental filters are selective in both directions and our belief that our experience is unique prevents us from really learning from others about things with which we have no experience.

I knew many people who took investments from a variety of sources. People who sold their businesses, took partners, gave up control of their business in one form or another. I don’t really have any stories on the tips of my fingers where those changing dynamics lead to long term cooperative relationships. New vision and experience replaces old vision and experience, and perhaps that is the way it works best.

How and why I maintained the idea that I would become an integral part of the new vision is hard to explain in hindsight, even to myself. Letting go of that fantasy has proven harder than I would have expected. Still in many respects, the situation I find myself in completely fulfills what I needed. I have true business expertise invested in the Good Clean Love dream. Truly it has more potential in this moment than ever before, with or without me.

It is hard to be expendable in your own dreams. But in the end, we all are replaceable. Our unique slant on things is just that — unique, but irreplaceable, hardly ever.  Most of us hit these walls in life that give us what we need, even if they don’t really feel like what we want.  In fact the space between need and want is often nothing but confusion. I hear it from my kids continuously.  Their idea of what they need and want run together so frequently that it is hard to discern one from the other, and they rarely do. I am no better really, and among adults it just ends up looking like perpetual confusion.

Clarity is everything. Winning and losing are closer than I ever realized and the only way through is vigilant and deliberate thinking which doesn’t slip into indignation about what you want and strives for contentment with real needs met.

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Wendy Strgar

Wendy Strgar, founder and CEO of Good Clean Love, is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love, intimacy and family.  In her new book, Love that Works: A Guide to Enduring Intimacy,  she tackles the challenging issues of sustaining relationships and healthy intimacy with an authentic and disarming style and simple yet innovative adviceIt has been called "the essential guide for relationships."  The book is available on ebook.  Wendy has been married for 27 years to her husband, a psychiatrist, and lives with their four children ages 13- 22 in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

33 comments

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6:00AM PDT on Apr 11, 2012

Thanks for the article.

3:12AM PDT on Sep 4, 2010

i knew many people who took investments from a variety of sources

12:58PM PDT on Sep 2, 2010

thanks!

8:22AM PDT on Sep 2, 2010

God knows what we need. We only know what we want. I'm trying to leave everything up to God. It's very hard though.

6:20AM PDT on Aug 31, 2010

With the right intention, you can always get what you need.

6:18AM PDT on Aug 31, 2010

I sing that song to my daughter whenever she is asking for too much, or being demanding

6:17AM PDT on Aug 31, 2010

thank you, SO TRUE!!

6:11AM PDT on Aug 31, 2010

Roxanne N.,
I've had the same problem trying to report these unwanted ads. So I contacted Care2 and let them know. Just go to the bottom of this page and click on "contact us"

12:32AM PDT on Aug 31, 2010

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9:56PM PDT on Aug 30, 2010

I think we can get what we want.But if its not natural and God did not willing to do so then you always be stressed or depressed...one cant get true happiness.

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