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10 Crazy Things Republicans Said That Are Not April Fools Jokes


US Politics & Gov't  (tags: environment, climate-change, politics, republicans, dishonesty, usa, news )

AWAY AWHI
- 964 days ago - grist.org
Happy April FoolsâEUR(TM) Day! Ready to get depressed?! Great! Here are 10 things Republican politicians have said that we wish were April FoolsâEUR(TM) Day jokes but are, unfortunately, their actual beliefs.



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Comments

Animae C (511)
Wednesday April 1, 2015, 3:45 am
Isn't everything they say a JOKE! : )
 

Darren W (218)
Wednesday April 1, 2015, 3:57 am
1. “The best thing about the Earth is if you poke holes in it oil and gas come out.” — Former Rep. Steve Stockman (Texas)

The best thing about a Republican senator is if you poke holes in them, shit comes out. . .
 

Kathleen Mireault (231)
Wednesday April 1, 2015, 7:37 am
Boneheaded idiots! Thanks, Cal.
 

Lois Jordan (63)
Wednesday April 1, 2015, 2:34 pm
Noted. Oh, My! Still laughing at Darren's above comment. I'm wondering how much "bliss" these idiots get from their ignorance.....must have been hard to narrow it down to only 10.
 

Edith B (146)
Wednesday April 1, 2015, 9:02 pm
You cannot make this stuff up, it is too ridiculous. Darren Woolsey, you are right!
 

Louise D (44)
Thursday April 2, 2015, 12:21 am
When you see the regular Conservative trolls on this site they just repeat this type of thing and blame Al Gore so they are no surprise. Still, you must wonder why the Republicans allow this type of idiot out in public, no one can take them seriously unless they are really, really stupid. Thanks to Fox news this may be the reason.
 

MmAway M (501)
Thursday April 2, 2015, 1:41 am
The other site guys....
10 Really Stupid Things Liberals Have Said
Written by Selwyn Duke

10 Really Stupid Things Liberals Have Said
Liberals truly are fonts of sophistication and erudition. We know this because liberals tell us, and liberals are smart. They would never mangle words as does Dubya Bush or misspell “potato” like hapless Dan Quayle. But there are some things they would do, and what follows is a sampling.

The Four Chinese Pilots
San Francisco’s KTVU made news when reporting on the Asiana plane crash recently — but not in the way they intended. Mistaking an obvious Internet joke for legitimate information, the station reported, “KTVU has just learned the names of the four pilots who were aboard the flight. They are Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Low, Ho Lee Fuk and Bang Ding OW. The NTSB has confirmed that these are the names of the pilots onboard Flight 214 when it crashed. We are working to determine what roles each of them played during the landing.”

There’s Sum Ting Wong in the mainstream media, alright.

Dog Food Afternoon
But perhaps KTVU had graduated from the Patsy Schroeder School of Comedy. During a 1990s budget battle, the Democrats said that if the GOP got its way, the elderly would have to eat dog food to afford medicine. Radio host Rush Limbaugh then spoofed this demagoguery in a GOPAC speech, joking that he’d bought his mother a new can opener “so that she can get the dog food easier when she has to eat it.”

Enter liberal Congresswoman Schroeder. Taking Limbaugh’s comment seriously, she appeared on the House floor the next day to complain, emotionally and incredulously, that “this is what it’s come to! …Rush Limbaugh actually said he's going to buy his mother a can opener so she can have dog food. Wow!”

Yeah, wow. And they say conservatives have no sense of humor?

NBC: Nominal Brain Capacity
While covering a May Day rally in New York City this year, NBC reporter Ida Siegel was approached by a videographer and asked if she was going to cover the presence of communist hammer-and-sickle flags. Her response? She said she hadn’t seen any and then queried, “What are they? What do they represent?”

And here I thought the Soviet flag was one thing an NBC reporter would be acquainted with.

That’s Why We Pay Him
During a 2010 hearing on a plan to transfer thousands of Marines to the small island of Guam, Rep. Hank Johnson (D-Ga.) had some concerns. Said he, “My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize.” Now, that’s what I appreciate, a public servant who can think outside the box.

But don’t worry, Hank. You can always pass legislation mandating that half the Marines must stay on one side of the island, and the other half on the other side.

Corpse-men Tell No Tales
During the 2010 National Prayer Breakfast, Barack Obama singled out a Navy corpsman for praise, which was fine. Only, he pronounced the designation “corpse-man.”

Of course, anyone can misspeak.

Three times in a row?

But let not your heart be troubled, Barry; you still look smart next to ol’ “Lunch Bucket” Joe.

Maybe Obama Went to this School
Someone working at the liberal Hempstead, New York, school district writes like President Obama reads, as the summer reading list compiled by the district contains more than 30 errors. Wuthering Heights author Emily Bronte’s name is spelled “Bonte,” The Canterbury Tales was made singular (Tale. Perhaps it would take too long for government-school students to read more than one), and George Orwell has become “Ornell.” But the pièce de résistance is The Great Gatsby, which, by multiculturalists I presume, was transformed into The Great Gypsy. Obviously, the educator in question was so wholly unacquainted with these works that he couldn’t even get their names right.

Don’t fret, though. Politically correct books and authors — such as Kaffir Boy, Esmeralda Santiago, and Maya Angelou — were spelled perfectly.

Just Imagine This Guy’s Reading List
While campaigning for the White House in 2008, Joe Biden criticized the Republicans’ handling of the financial crisis and said, “When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, ‘Look, here's what happened.’”

I know, it reminds me of how, after the battles of Lexington and Concord, George Washington hopped on Air Force One and sprang into action.

Sharks and Race Hustlers Never Forget
While giving a 1995 speech on the House floor on the evils of slavery, Congressman Major Owens said that “there were 200 million people who died just coming across” the Atlantic during the slave trade. He then elaborated, “So great was the number of people thrown overboard that it altered the ecology of the ocean; the sharks, even now, follow after ships on a trail, seeking the flesh that was thrown overboard in all those years.” Yes, to this day the sharks tell their children where to go for good eatin’, sort of like truck drivers giving the lowdown on the best restaurants.

Not to mention the fact that 200 million people is almost twice the estimated population of Africa in 1850 (111 million).

An Election Outcome Dick Morris Actually Predicted
In a 1997 interview with the late Tony Snow, Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan responded to the assertion that brutal dictator Saddam Hussein was starving his own people by saying, “I don't think that Saddam Hussein is deliberately starving his own people. I would think that a man who gets 99 percent of the people to vote for him in an election and the people love him so much, how would they love a man that is starving them?” Well, ya’ got me there, Louie.

Of course, maybe Farrakhan has special insight, gleaned from his 1985 visit to a “Mother Wheel”; this is, as the honorable minister put it, a “heavily armed spaceship the size of a city, which will rain destruction upon white America but save those who embrace the Nation of Islam.”

Well, that’s one way the Democrats could get 99 percent of the vote.

Speaking of Aliens….
For you younger folks, no, this 1990s video is not a Saturday Night Live spoof. This is a real person — honestly and truly. Her name is Joycelyn Elders, and, once upon a time, she actually was the Surgeon General of these United States (emphasis is on “general”; ergo the funny uniform). Towards the end of the video she gives her prescription for remedying gun violence and states, “We can make safer weapons; we can make safer bullets.”

And Elders was back imparting wisdom in 2007, saying, “If we want to talk about teaching children sexuality education, it starts at birth.” Yeah, well, I guess we’ll just have to bite the safer bullet.

Honorable mentions (excerpted from The Stir):

Rosie O'Donnell: “Don't fear the terrorists. They're mothers and fathers.”

Nancy Pelosi on the economy: “Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package 500 million Americans lose their jobs.”

Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, D.C.: “If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very, very low crime rate.”
 

MmAway M (501)
Thursday April 2, 2015, 1:42 am
Just a story/ noted Cal! Always like 2 sides...NO ONE EYE!!!
 

Cara Correnti (2)
Thursday April 2, 2015, 4:42 am
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/939/863/211/justice-for-kristiana-coignard/
 

David C (186)
Thursday April 2, 2015, 8:30 am
thanks, Cal
 

Freya H (361)
Thursday April 2, 2015, 5:30 pm
Sometimes I get the impression that many Republicans open their mouths only to change feet.
 

Anne F (17)
Thursday April 2, 2015, 6:32 pm
seems to me that the cost of using fossil fuel is going up (pipeline leaks, drilling mistakes, destruction of mountain tops and Alberta forestlands), so we should be looking to increase energy efficiency
 

Leanne B (46)
Thursday April 2, 2015, 9:34 pm
Thanks Cal.
 

Dandelion G (367)
Friday April 3, 2015, 1:47 am
It might be funny if they were not in positions to make those comments very dangerous for us.
 

Miriam AWAY Site issues (61)
Friday April 3, 2015, 7:05 am
Thanks for sharing Cal! Noted.
 

Arild Gone for now (174)
Sunday April 5, 2015, 2:14 am
TY Cal.
 
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