Friday November 23, 2007, 10:59 pm
Yep, it’s a democracy party: A word of explanation if you’re joining us from overseas: one night every three years, Australians unite to celebrate living in a country that loves democracy so much it forces its citizens to vote. Tonight is that night.

The story so far: It’s Howard vs Rudd. Actually, it’s 150 battles in constituencies around the country in which real people get to have their say based on grassroots, local issues, solemnly weighing each argument and each counter-argument. Ah, bugger it - it’s Howard vs Rudd. Meanwhile on Channel 10, it’s Empire Strikes Back.

The story so far: The Death Star has been destroyed, Luke Skywalker is a hero, and Darth Vader is dead. Or is he?

The rules: Every time someone uses the term ‘key marginal’ - take a sip. Every time someone uses the term ‘bellwether’ - take a sip. Every time someone says ‘It’s too close to call’ - take a sip. And every time someone has to explain what the hell a ‘bellwether’ is - finish your drink. And finish theirs too.

The squatter: Hi Lincoln and everyone else ... it’s Paul Colgan, the deputy editor. Thanks for letting me hijack your blog. I’ll be here too this evening in between site updates and I’m watching you like a key marginal, Archer. *sip*

17.40: Sky News exit poll says Labor to win, PM to lose seat. If the results are right there could be convincing Labor win on the cards - PC.

Friday November 23, 2007, 11:03 pm
I will keep updating this if I can get away from the TV as it is live counting and starts in about 1 min...Polls have now closed in NSW, VIC another hour to Qld, and 2 hrs to WA, NT 30 mins, SA 30 mins...I think if I have our time zones in OZ correct....But I am looking at Rudd to be our new PM....and can't wait to hear Howards speech .................GOODBYE HOWARD...YOU GOOD A GOOD JOB...WRECKING OUR COUNTRY...

Friday November 23, 2007, 11:05 pm
That was meant to be ...HOWARD YOU DID A GOOD JOB!!!!! HA!!!!!...WRECKING OUR COUNTRY

Saturday November 24, 2007, 6:04 am
By the way: Why watch all this on TV when you could watch our live video stream instead? (Thanks to Sky News.)

And another thing: While you’re waiting for the barbie to fire up, why not let us know how you voted by taking our online exit poll. Or see how everyone else voted here.

18.24: We’re back with Kochie and Mel after they ducked off for 20 minutes of non-election news. That’s the worst programming decision since Channel 9 gave Seinfeld to Channel 10. Speaking of Channel 9, they’re still with the news and sport.

18.26: Jeff Kennett - in full Movember glory - is saying he doesn’t like the methodology of the exit polls. In totally unrelated news, those exit polls point to a bloodbath tonight with Rudd in The Lodge tomorrow.

18.29: Now we’re getting somewhere. Jackie Kelly, the Liberal Labor golden girl, said on Sky that she has had better weeks. Possibly the only moment of understatement on what is possibly the most politically shattering night ever in human history.

New rule: Until 7pm (AEDT) whenever anyone says “but it’s early days yet” - take a sip.

Kochie worm #2: Seven have a funky Google-led graphic showing the key seats. It’s a little like when Luke flies in to take out the Death Star at the end of A New Hope. They also have a Cheshire Cat pretending to be the former Queensland premier.

18.53: It took guts for Jackie Kelly to still go on Channel Seven tonight and she is copping an absolute roasting for her trouble. And were it not for the fact that the leaflets scam was a reprehensible example of gutter politics you might feel sorry for the people caught in the fallout.

19.02: A look over at Channel 9 has me disappointed to see Ray and Laurie are NOT in circus costume. And then we hear Trevor Marmalade say they’ll be holding a drinking game where you take a sip each time you hear someone repeat a certain phrase. Where have I heard that before...? I feel like Peter Costello after Labor released their tax policy.

Kochie worm #3: Some animations showing Rudd and Howard in a tug-of-war. It’s a metaphor, you see.

19.13: Wayne Swan just said Labor could win Dobell on the primary vote. Pundits have been saying people aren’t waiting with a baseball bat for John Howard. They were clearly waiting with something though - perhaps in a final irony it was a cricket bat.

19.27: Helen Coonan on Channel 9 repeated the threat about challenging the Wentworth result if George Newhouse wins. Good to see that even at a time of celebration, there’s still some room for malice.

19.29: Meanwhile the swing to red taking place across the country also takes in the ABC set. Kerry O’Brien and Julia Gillard side by side makes its coverage a clear winner for redheads per capita.

19.33: Channel 10 has yet to start screening The Empire Strikes Back, but it’s not yet confirmed whether it’s that usual thing of Ten being absolutely hopeless at getting any program to start on time.

19.36: Apparently some Labor functionaries on the radio have suggested they might declare victory by 8pm AEDT - which would mean WA needn’t have bothered voting.

NEWSFLASH: Empire Strikes Back is starting now. Bup bup bup bahhhhhh BAHHHHHH bup-bup-bup bahhhhhh bahhhhhh etc.

Kochie worm #4: Channel 9 just had a graphic showing incumbents who lose having their photo fed through a shredder.

19.42: Hans Solo just had a big spray at Princess Leia. They hate each other so much, I can confidently predict there’s no way they’d ever end up together.

19.46: Apparently Rudd has just arrived at Suncorp Stadium in Brisbane to catch the rest of the count with the party faithful. And apparently it’s much earlier than he was supposed to be there.

19.48: OMG! Luke just made his light sabre leap into his hand while he was trapped hanging upside down! That’s, like, not even possible! I like the look of his animal though. There’s no way he’d tear a hole in its gut to protect him from the cold.

20.00: It’s all eyes on Queensland now where a proper picture is starting to emerge in the early counting. David Speers (who was one of the few people with the balls to call the election last night for Labor - with a win by at least five seats) is daring people to call it on Sky News. Bob Hawke was the only one to bite - PC

NEWSFLASH 20.04: Antony Green on the ABC has “tentatively” called it for Labor.

20.13: The big first act battle scene is on in ESB and the bit where the four-legged killing machine thing just got blown up and fell over on its side. I LOVE THAT BIT!! I’m pretty sure I used to have a toy one of those. I also had the tie-fighter that you could make crash into pieces.

NEWSFLASH 20.16: Bruce Hawker just called it for Labor on Sky.

20.17: Meanwhile on Hoth, the Duracell bunnies are – oh, no, wait – that’s an ad. PC

20.23: David Bradbury has just claimed Lindsay. Channel 7 showed Jackie Kelly watching him do it. It sounded as though she was almost in tears when she said it was a vindication for him. Who’s to say how it would have gone were it not for the leaflets - but that’s not the point. They simply could not win after that.

Meanwhile: Luke has just crashed into a swamp. You know what this means! It’s Hammer Yoda time!

20.26: Mike Kelly has just apparently claimed Eden-Monaro for Labor. It’s a .... wait for it… bellwether! *sip*

I can’t believe it: Just as we were about to get some Yoda action, Channel 10 has crossed back to Paul Bongiorno for an election update. Ignore him, we will.

Although: Channel 10 did just have a quick cross to Bennelong and Team Maxine. They’re delirious - she’s in front. But the question is - why were they all wearing blue?

20.38: Apparently Howard is now making his way to where the party faithful are waiting and could concede defeat by 9pm AEDT.

20.40: There he is! Yoda I mean, not Howard.

20.41: Channel Nine has called it for Labor. Seven just had their Tower of Power again - if I had a criticism of it (and obviously I do) it is this: they should have one for each capital city.

Ewwwww: Han Solo just kissed Princess Leia! But they hated each other an hour ago!

20.45: Nicole Cornes just said Boothby was too close to call (take a sip). Meanwhile I thought I saw Costello making a speech of some sort, but it was just a hologram of The Emperor.

20.46: Seven are now debating the merits of Nicole Cornes. Tanya Plibersek says she has had a baptism of fire and has done well and in the background Joe Hockey’s smile was as wry as a country bakery.

20.49: Channel 10 breaks off from ESB to show a promo for Australian Idol, in an absolutely shameless piece of cross-promotion. On an unrelated topic, did I mention we have a live, interactive results map running tonight?

20.52: Julia Gillard has claimed victory. This Labor government has been in so long they’re starting to get a bit arrogant, I reckon.

20.53: Seven has called it for Labor, a little behind Nine on that one. And MUCH more cautious than Gillard.

Kochie worm #5: Seven promised their coverage was going to be fun, but you would never expect it to be this nuts. Peter Beattie, Barnaby Joyce and Mark Arbib sitting around a table in a room with black-and-white pictures of even older men on the walls. Woop-dee-doo. - PC

21.04: The Millennium Falcon was just being chased by an unstoppable juggernaut, copping hits left, right and centre. The Member for Bennelong sympathises. Meanwhile, there’s, like, no way Luke can lift his ship out of the swamp using just his mind. Yoda’s crazier than Channel Seven’s coverage if he thinks that can happen.

21.09: So much for the 9pm concession. Predictions have McKew to win - she has almost a 3pc margin from what I just saw. By the way, is everyone right for a beer? I’m heading to the (virtual) fridge.

21.15: Joe Hockey says the loss is devastating. If only he’d worn Shrek ears on morning TV a few more times, it could all be so different. But he didn’t. And Jeff Kennett tells him he’ll have to get over it and be strong in opposition.

21.16: Tanya Plibersek says she knows how she feels. Her smile suggests she’s only crying on the inside though.

Around the grounds: Turnbull ahead in Wentworth. Downer ahead in Mayo. Beazley behind in Brand. Abbott ahead in Warringah. Mal Brough GONE in Longman.

NEWSFLASH: Maxine McKew is about to claim victory in Bennelong.

21.28: McKew says ‘good evening everyone’ and the crowd goes ballistic. “It’s been an amazing night,” she says. Then she totally bottles it: she says Bennelong is on a knife-edge and the result is not clear.

Most useless speech of the night award: It’s McKew in a canter so far.

Meanwhile: Chewie leans over the dismembered body of C-3P0 in possibly the best metaphor for the Coalition campaign I’ve seen.

21.34: Nicole Cornes has conceded defeat in Boothby. She’s asked who really won the seat - the media or her opponent. Typically, she’s saved her only half-decent quote of the whole thing until it was too late.

NEWSFLASH: Turnbull has claimed victory in Wentworth. Thousands of lawyers cry out in disappointment, like Chewie watching Han Solo lowered into the bronze. So that’s another slap in the face for George Newhouse.

21.41: One of my spies tells me that Kerry O’Brien made a little slip earlier - talking about Bennelong he said: It’s been a great night for the ABC ... er… ALP.

21.46: “When we swing, we swing,” Beattie said, twirling the microphone, pouring himself a gin and tonic and lighting a cigar.

21.48: On 9, Gary Nairn - the beaten MP for Eden-Monaro (which is, you may not be aware, a bellwether) - has refused to blame John Howard for his loss. Meanwhile on 7, John Hewson says this is a low-water mark for the Libs. Forgotten ‘93, John?

21.53: Michael Kroger is asked if the result would be different if Howard had gone 18 months ago. He says we’ll never know the answer to that. Which is, I suppose, how a Victorian Liberal would say “Yes!!! Bloody hell, yes!!”.

21.57: Bob Brown says it’s a great night for Australia and that McKew’s result is a great win. The Greens look like holding the BoP in the Senate, he says.

Mystery solved… or is it?: Gavin, below, reckons he has the answer for the meaning behind the term ‘bellwether’. And it apparently has an awful lot to do with castrated goats.

NEWSFLASH: OH! MY! GOD! Darth Vader just said HE IS LUKE’S FATHER!!!

22.02: OMFG! Of all the shocks tonight that has to be one of the biggest. - PC

NEWSFLASH: Howard has reportedly phoned Rudd to concede defeat.

22.12: Check this out - it’s an election party all the way from the Mekong River!

Saturday November 24, 2007, 7:40 am
Noted with thanks, Ali.

Sunday November 25, 2007, 11:48 am
As a member of the Australian contingent I have to say thanks Ali for your entertaining commentry. Just goes to show that bells and whistles are no substitute for a sharp witt (and maybe some alcohol). Its probably a good idea to not continue your drinking games past the weekend especially if you were going to start taking a sip every time you heard someone say 'Ruddslide'. On a more serious note this result helps turn the corner from 2004 when both Howard and Bush were re-elcted (I am sorry but I just have to say it, What the hell were people thinking!!!). Now its up to the US to do their part hehe. While Kevin is maybe more to the right then I would like on somethings he will still be an improvement. One big thing that everyone can be happy about is that he has promised to sign Kyoto and has been talking up doing that soon. Also he has accepted an invitation from the Indonesian leader to attend the Bali conference. Some other things to look out for now is if the Greens can get the balance of power in the senate (I voted for them in both houses preferencing Labor ahead of Liberal, Yay for a preferential voting system!), if as seems to be highly likely Maxine McKew will beat John Howard in his own seat, if Peter Garrett will get the post of environment minister and assuming he does, how heavily constrained he will be within the party machine. I certainly hope he will be a strong voice for the environment. I dunno if anyone else felt this but when he said he was joking when he said we will change everything once we get in, I am kinda wish he wasnt o_o. Time will tell if my optimism is misplsced or not.

Sunday November 25, 2007, 4:40 pm
NOTED-thanks and SHARED