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Christian Right Lobbies To Overturn Second Law Of Thermodynamics ***ONION NEWS***


Offbeat  (tags: americans, bizarre, culture, funny, humans, humor, off-beat, society )

Kit
- 1361 days ago - theonion.com
The second law of thermodynamics, a fundamental scientific principle stating that entropy increases over time as organized forms decay into greater states of randomness, has come under fire from conservative Christian groups, who are demanding that the-->



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Kit B. (276)
Monday December 6, 2010, 6:27 am
TOPEKA, KS–The second law of thermodynamics, a fundamental scientific principle stating that entropy increases over time as organized forms decay into greater states of randomness, has come under fire from conservative Christian groups, who are demanding that the law be repealed.
"What do these scientists want us teaching our children? That the universe will continue to expand until it reaches eventual heat death?" asked Christian Coalition president Ralph Reed, speaking at a rally protesting a recent Kansas Board Of Education decision upholding the law. "That's hardly an optimistic view of a world the Lord created for mankind. The American people are sending a strong message here: We don't like the implications of this law, and we will not rest until it has been reversed in the courts."


The controversial law of nature, which asserts that matter continually breaks down as disorder increases and heat is lost, has long been decried by Christian fundamentalists as running counter to their religion's doctrine of Divine grace and eternal salvation.

"Why can't disorder decrease over time instead of everything decaying?" asked Jim Muldoon of Emporia, KS. "Is that too much to ask? This is our children's future we're talking about."

"I wouldn't want my child growing up in a world headed for total heat death and dissolution into a vacuum," said Kansas state senator Will Blanchard (R-Hutchinson). "No decent parent would want that."

Calling the second law of thermodynamics "a deeply disturbing scientific principle that threatens our children's understanding of God's universe as a benevolent and loving place," Blanchard is spearheading a nationwide grassroots campaign to have the law removed from high-school physics textbooks. The plan has already met with significant support in the state legislatures of Kansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Tennessee, Georgia, and Mississippi.

"My daughter's schoolbooks tell her that we live in a world ruled by disorder," said Knox Heflin, one of several dozen fundamentalists who spoke out against the teaching of the law at a Statesboro (GA) School Board hearing. "That's a direct contradiction of what it says in the Bible, about how everything is going to get better, and we'll all live happily up in heaven after the End Times."

"The only 'heat death' Jesus ever mentioned is the one that sinners will suffer for all eternity in the Lake of Fire," said Indianola (MS) School Board president Bernice McCallum. "Now more than ever, we need to hear what the Bible has to say about our public schools' physical-science curricula."

Leading physicists contend that, as the foundation of much of our current scientific understanding, a reversal of the second law of thermodynamics would have massive ramifications on the future of both our nation and the universe itself.

"Were the second law to be repealed, random particles would collect and organize themselves instead of dissipating, which could affect such basic processes as combustion, digestion, evaporation, convection–that sort of thing," Columbia University superstring theorist Dr. Brian Greene said. "There wouldn't be much sunlight, either, because all stars, including our sun, would be collecting photons from surrounding space instead of emitting solar radiation. Oh, and the universe would begin to contract rather than expand, which could possibly turn back the flow of time itself, sending our cosmos spiraling inward toward a reverse Big Bang, a sort of 'Big Crunch,' if you will."

"In light of all this," Greene continued, "I would sincerely hope that our nation's legislators think long and hard before making any decisions to amend or repeal this law."

Despite such warnings, the grassroots movement to eliminate the second law of thermodynamics appears to be gathering strength.

"This is America," said Duane Collins, a Gatlinburg, TN, distillery operator and father of five. "And in this country, we have the God-given right to change laws we don't think are Christian. We are united in our demands that the second law of thermodynamics be repealed, and our voice will be heard no matter what. That's just a plain fact, and nothing anybody says can ever change it."

***onion news***

A little too close for comfort? So is the erosion in our public schools.
 

Harry Schneider (43)
Monday December 6, 2010, 8:18 am
I`m speechless! Stupidity never seems to extinct. Next month they come and tell us that they don`t like the model of our universe, and that earth is a disc anyway. If a School Board president can publicly utter such a bullshit, without having to resign, I can only say "good night America". That happens when people act on emotions, rather than on facts. And this stupidity goes on in politics, you don`t have to wonder why so many Republicans are seen in office.

Albert Einstein once said: "There are people with a horizon of the radius "0", that`s what they call their point of view." There is nothing to add...
 

Tarequl M. (170)
Monday December 6, 2010, 10:53 am
Noted with thanks
 

Nancy M. (201)
Monday December 6, 2010, 1:32 pm
Well, if they ever saw my office they would KNOW for a FACT the the second law holds.
 

chris b. (2474)
Monday December 6, 2010, 1:41 pm
It's the 1st and 3rd law they should really be worried about! Not to mention the well known mathematical concept of adding two and two and getting five! Or in the case of politicians adding two and two and getting three!
 

Cal Mendelsohn (982)
Monday December 6, 2010, 1:41 pm
Well Harry, the onion has traken you for a ride--it's satire--please go with it! The radical Right doens't ahve the brainpower to think that deeply for that long as to develop such clearly conceptualized ideas!
 

Terry King (108)
Monday December 6, 2010, 1:58 pm
Don't believe in entropy? Look around you!
 

Homer E. (309)
Monday December 6, 2010, 2:07 pm
My response is more or less "Are they for real?" Put your head in the sand much? Maybe it will go away if I don't believe in it real hard, like!
 

patricia lasek (317)
Monday December 6, 2010, 2:39 pm
The Onion is always good for a chuckle. Thanks, Dear Kit.
 

Tracy Cruze (111)
Monday December 6, 2010, 2:45 pm
Interesting.
 

Mary Donnelly (47)
Monday December 6, 2010, 3:25 pm
Thanks Kit and others.


I suspect that some Christians may not see the joke.

I am fascinated about how they intend repealing this law; Congress did not pass it, so Congress cannot repeal it.
 

Jae A. (323)
Monday December 6, 2010, 3:30 pm

Good Night America...and these 'extremist' fools will not leave a light on for anyone they don't agree with, or like if it contradicts their rediculous and outragious views/opinions. I say down with their butts..or get your heads out of the mud and or sand as Homer suggest. If this is satire, which ???...I haven't a clue, as so much that these crazies do and say are almost all like some SNL skits ...Difficult to know which the,y or their stories, are anymore.B.S. always but is this one SNL or their way of showing just how true their insanity is to them.
Either way they haven't a clue about much, if anythingm that is reality based today..They just like to protest,bitch,hate, and demand....SNL or ?...either way it's believable as it does represent them in general.
 

Ramona Thompson (210)
Monday December 6, 2010, 3:57 pm
II Peter 3:10: "But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up."

Indianola Mississippi's claim to fame, until this, has been that it has been best known as being the home of jazz legend, B.B. King.

 

Mary Donnelly (47)
Monday December 6, 2010, 4:36 pm
Ramona Thompson Good one!

Chrisitians have many more references in their "Good Book" to substantiate what you saide.g.:

Matthew 28/20;John 18/36;Titus 2/10;Hebrews 13/5; and Revelation 22/5.
 

Susan S. (191)
Monday December 6, 2010, 5:17 pm
Next they will be questioning the law of gravity, the theory of relativity and even the foundations of mathematical reasoning.
 

Past Member (0)
Monday December 6, 2010, 6:17 pm
Noted, thanks Kit.
 

Nancy M. (201)
Tuesday December 7, 2010, 8:20 am
A true story here, I remember back maybe 12-15 years ago hearing about when the state of Indiana decided by law that pi (3.14159) was equal to 3!

It didn't take them long though to realize their mistake.

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/805/did-a-state-legislature-once-pass-a-law-saying-pi-equals-3
 

Eternal Gardener (734)
Tuesday December 7, 2010, 6:19 pm
Hahaha, chuckles indeed!
 

William K. (328)
Tuesday December 7, 2010, 8:27 pm
Well now, if these groups do not like the implications of a universe "being ruled by disorder" according to the laws of thermodynamics, then maybe they should read Ilya Prigogine's complexity theory and realize that religion is a dissipative structure! Forsooth, yea, and verily, it speaks of the glory of NEGENTROPY (that is, negative entropy). Verily systems can become more internally ordered! Of course, said system must export an equivalent amount of entropy outside of the system, such that the amount of negentropy and exported entropy balance out, so that overall the second law of thermodynamics is not violated!

Let those with ears hear this.

Would those accept that the creation of order lead to an increasing level of disorder in the world "outside" them, such as they have defined in order to have an "inside" to become more internally ordered? Would they also accept that the internally ordered good must have and be connected to the externally disordered evil in order to be able to export the evil out of the good, and that in so doing the overall amount of evil in the world increases?







[BTW, I get that the Onion is satire]
 

Ramona Thompson (210)
Wednesday December 8, 2010, 12:10 pm
Me thinks perhaps Indianola MS should stick with the B.B. King festivals...........
 
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