START A PETITION 25,136,189 members: the world's largest community for good
START A PETITION
x

Report: 2012 Election Likely To Be Decided By 4 Or 5 Key Swing Corporations -- ONION NEWS!


Offbeat  (tags: americans, bizarre, campaign humor, culture, election nonsense, humor, off-beat, society )

Kit
- 819 days ago - theonion.com
With polls this week showing the race between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney tightening even further, a growing number of political experts have declared this year's election will almost certainly be decided by a small handful of swing corporations.



Select names from your address book   |   Help
   

We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.

Comments

Susanne R. (249)
Wednesday July 25, 2012, 11:33 pm
I realize that this article is meant to be satirical but, unfortunately, it's possible that one or more corporations WILL make multi-million dollar contributions that will be funneled anonymously into a political action committee that WILL decide the whole thing!

 

pam w. (191)
Friday July 27, 2012, 12:26 am
Good satire, indeed.

Now...let's get back to SERIOUS stuff!

If Disney's going to win the election.....they'll have a HUGE job to do, redecorating the White House.

Minnie on the balcony....with lights.....and highlights from Pennsylvania Avenue......'

Ohhhhhhhh.....and don't forget GOOFY in the Rose Garden....lifting his leg?
 

Danuta Watola (1205)
Friday July 27, 2012, 1:08 am
noted
 

Kerrie G. (135)
Friday July 27, 2012, 3:15 am
Noted, thanks.
 

Allan Yorkowitz (445)
Friday July 27, 2012, 9:49 am
Satire or not, there is truth to some of this...
 

Dave C. (216)
Friday July 27, 2012, 9:58 am
this maybe satirical, but unfortunately too near the truth to be funny.
 

Gene Jacobson (256)
Friday July 27, 2012, 3:26 pm
"I went with Obama in 2008, but now I'm having my doubts," said Kenneth Frazier, an undecided CEO at the Merck corporation."

Gee, he sound just like Steve R. who claims to have supported Obama in 2008, who has 84,000 butterfly rewards and a ton of causes but has never redeemed a one. Sort of an insider's insider. Or a plant. Plastic, of course, since fossil fuels and those who make things from them rule the freaking world.

Frankly, Kit, at this stage of EVERY election year, pundits and pollsters turn to the undecided. Okay. Hmmm. Now this is just my opinion, but anyone who says at this stage of an election year that they are undecided, should be committed. I think they are ALL after their 15 minutes. And I will NEVER understand why the press gives this particular bunch of fools any attention whatsoever. I do NOT believe for a second that anyone is "on the fence" at this point of an election year. What the HELL is keeping you there? You haven't noticed what has happened the last four years? Rip Van Undecided just woke up? You KNOW what the history is, you KNOW what you are going to do and you are an attention junkie.

I give credence to polls of registered and likely voters. They overwhelming detest Mitt Romney. They see him for the plastic man he is. They pay attention to things like: "Romney doesn't need a better answer to how his policies are different than Bush's. He needs policies that are actually different, that actually take the lessons of the last decade into account." From last nights Rachel Maddow show, sans Rachel, the able Ezra Klein standing in.

If you are undecided after the last four years, you are a flaming fool. I absolutely hold the media accountable for this ridiculous charade they foist off on us every four years, to a lesser degree every two years. They have NOTHING to say, so they find "stories" and those are the sad, untold tales of the fools who have been NOT paying attention for the last two or four years. THESE are the people we should worry about? THESE are the people whose opinion NOW is important? THESE are the morons who sleepwalk through life and LIVE for this vicarious attention. PAY attention to the issues, to the candidates, to polls of likely voters, let this tiny little bunch of fools crawl back into their caves and snooze until the next election. Their "opinions" are worthless, less than worthless, they represent NO ONE, but their own ignorant selves. Gawd...
 

Christopher Fowler (84)
Friday July 27, 2012, 4:15 pm
The saddest part is how close to the actual truth that it really is.
 

Robert B. (58)
Friday July 27, 2012, 7:01 pm
Let's not forget that the GOP is owned by many of these corporations, making this a satire with a lot of truth to it.
 

Mary Donnelly (47)
Friday July 27, 2012, 7:20 pm
Thanks Kit.
 

Yvonne White (232)
Friday July 27, 2012, 8:16 pm
Oh Onion..truth disguised as parody is not funny!;) Too realistic! " this year's election will almost certainly be decided by a small handful of swing corporations."...
One funny thing though - Illinois declared Tuesday to be Onion Day because the Onion has moved from NY to IL!:) I can't fathom why though..;)
 

Darlene B. (290)
Friday July 27, 2012, 10:02 pm
Oh yeah, so what else is new- lol. Blessings to all.
 

Dianne D. (460)
Thursday August 2, 2012, 1:34 pm
Heard this on national news last night. If 4 or 5 states will be deciding on the vote, why are the rest of us even campaigning?
 
Or, log in with your
Facebook account:
Please add your comment: (plain text only please. Allowable HTML: <a>)

Track Comments: Notify me with a personal message when other people comment on this story


Loading Noted By...Please Wait

 

 
Content and comments expressed here are the opinions of Care2 users and not necessarily that of Care2.com or its affiliates.