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Fox News to Shut Down for Routine Maintenance Monday Morning at 11:30 -- Andy Borowitz


Offbeat  (tags: americans, business, culture, funny, goodnews, off-beat, society )

Kit
- 897 days ago - newyorker.com
According to Mr. Ailes, for the twelve hours Fox News is off the air on Monday the network will broadcast a continuous photomontage of white people. ***HUMOR***



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Kit B. (276)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 1:18 pm
(Photograph by Chip Somodevilla/Getty.)


NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Fox News Channel announced today that it would shut down for what it called “routine maintenance” Monday morning at 11:30 E.T.

Fox News president Roger Ailes explained the timing of the shutdown, which will be the first in the history of the network: “We wanted to pick a time when we were positive nothing would be happening that our viewers would want to see.”

Mr. Ailes said that Fox had considered shutting down only once before, exactly four years earlier on January 20, 2009, and later regretted the decision to continue broadcasting that day: “It turned out that no Fox viewers wanted to watch TV that day. And I mean none.”

According to Mr. Ailes, for the twelve hours Fox News is off the air on Monday the network will broadcast a continuous photomontage of white people.

“Regular viewers of Fox probably won’t notice anything unusual,” he said.

After the routine maintenance is completed, Mr. Ailes said, Fox News will return to the air Tuesday morning with its regular broadcast schedule: “For Fox viewers, it will be like Monday never happened.”
***HUMOR***SATIRE****

By: Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine |


 

JL A. (286)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 1:21 pm
Thanks for a dose of AB Kit--I needed that!
 

Maggie Schafer (1)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 1:36 pm
Too bad Fox News doesn't really shut down for an extended maintenance, e.g. for about 100 years!
 

Barbara F. (55)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 1:48 pm
I wish they would shut down! We could do without them for an EXTENDED period of time! Good one, Kit, thanks!
 

Barbara K. (72)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 1:49 pm
I agree, too bad they don't really shut down for good. Thanks, my friend, for the giggle.
 

Past Member (0)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 1:57 pm
I agree....a permanent shut down would be wonderful. Thanks Kit.
 

Kathy B. (105)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 1:57 pm
Only in our wildest dreams - although dreams sometimes come true.
 

Craig Pittman (51)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 1:58 pm
Thanks for the chuckle Kir and I echo those fabove in wishing Fox really would shut down - for good.
 

Esther Z. (96)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:19 pm
Oh, come on...can't Fox shut down a bit longer than that? :)
 

Carrie B. (312)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:19 pm
I read this earlier today and did enjoy.
 

Kit B. (276)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:24 pm

Just so happens that Fox is probably right - none of their audience will want to watch the Inauguration of President Obama's second term.

Thanks - glad you all found a smile today.
 

Vicky P. (476)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:25 pm
haha, I agree with Esther
 

Ros G. (80)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:34 pm
Thanks Kit for the laugh - I don't have Fox - obviously they don't show Rupert's second wife Wendi on it then.
 

. (0)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:36 pm
If Obama places his hand on the Koran like he did in his fist term, I don't feel the need to watch history in its humiliation.
 

Kit B. (276)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:37 pm

You guys in Australia don't have Fox? Does Rupert not foul your air waves or news papers?
 

Kit B. (276)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:37 pm

Allan, stop that - I'm embarrassed for you.
 

Michael Carney (217)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:44 pm
Would love to se Fox, shut down, and never power up again...The are an embarrassment to Broadcast Journalism everywhere...I guess Allan, won't be getting his propaganda, though if Fox did shut down, I hope a Koran falls out of the sky and hit's Allan in the head, to knock some sense into him...I guess he doesn't realize how ridiculous his comment makes him sound...
 

Roxy H. (340)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:44 pm
lol, ok...this was good...:D Idle no more! the movement is getting to them.... looking for a troll call in page to cry on....hey wait... we actually are the oppressed getting the upper hand! faint!
 

Kathy B. (105)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 2:54 pm
Oh Allan, I think it's time for a new tinfoil hat for you.
 

Bill K. (14)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:02 pm
if Fox News really did shut down who would tell conservatives how to think?
 

Kit B. (276)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:14 pm

Bill, you do have a point.
 

Ros G. (80)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:22 pm
Hi Kit - yes we do have Fox here in Australia and Rupert does foul our airways and newspapers - Fox is pay TV and I refuse to pay for crap, don't listen to his "shock jocks" either. Was a huge fan of his mother - a very gracious and generous woman pity it didn't rub off on her son but he was competing with Packer and Stokes to become the biggest media baron here in Oz - he lost. Many thanks for the comment as well always appreciated.
 

pam w. (139)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:23 pm
Allan....go drink some more HATER-aid!

I'm willing to do without FAUX NEWS for the rest of the year! (Forever, come to think of it!)
 

Rose Becke (292)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:28 pm
:) I also refuse to pay for fox TV Like Ros S
 

Yvonne White (233)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:32 pm
LOL! Stay off the hiways Monday, all those FAUX viewers will be recklessly driving aimlessly around, without "guidance" from the airwaves..oops, Martin Luther King Day is Monday, what a coincidence!;)
 

Kit B. (276)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:39 pm

You betcha - a coincidence. (*wink*) But fortunately they will have a full day photo-montage of white people.
 

Pat B. (355)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:44 pm
Yes, have to agree, shame that Fox just doesn't take an 'extended' hiatus every day.!! Wouldn't that be nice? Thanks, Ms. Kit for this. ;-)
 

Gloria picchetti (301)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:54 pm
Loving it. We won!
 

Christeen Anderson (630)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 3:54 pm
Bye-bye.
 

Mike M. (57)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 4:06 pm
Maybe they will commit fox-i-cide and never return
 

Terrie Williams (782)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 4:29 pm
LOL Mike, I like that one too.....fox-i-cide. Heh heh heh. Maybe if we all collectively send our thoughts simultaneously through the ethers.....we could shut it down for good? Hey, at this point, I'd try anything to get rid of Sieg Heil Hannity.....Bloviator Extraordinaire O'Reily....Mien Kampf Huckabee....et al. But a certain group comes to mind that might could dew sumpin about them.......aka......Annonomous.....

Hey, I can dream can't I? Or is that against the law now too? :)
 

Terry King (113)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 5:06 pm
Funny article... brilliant comments!
 

Sue D. (150)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 5:16 pm
I think we all appreciated that laugh, Kit! PROOF that fact is funnier than fiction.
 

Laurie H. (790)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 5:32 pm
Thanks for the laughs Kit---I know I wouldn't notice or miss them, if they were gone--actually, wish they would fold!~
 

Jae A. (320)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 5:56 pm
...and a great laugh it was....! Thank ye Ms. Kitty !

Allan..... Save the hate for another thread is my suggestion...Personally I think you've had more than your fair share of that rightwing HaterAid and need to cut down on your consumption of the stuff... you are starting to sound like an ignorant Teabagger or any number of those on the rightwing extremist..hate/racist groups.....in my opinion.
 

Jae A. (320)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 6:14 pm
...Sieg Heil Hannity.....Bloviator Extraordinaire O'Reily....Mien Kampf Huckabee....et al. ...bravo for the the proper tags for those at .........Fox-i-cide.

That would be the perfect time and day for doing so...being a holiday and schools will be closed for the day. Then people would be able to let their kids watch tv a lone if they want and not have to worry they'd tune in to the hate network by accident.
 

Carrie B. (312)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 6:20 pm
Allan, I can't believe you actually said that!
 

Michael Carney (217)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 6:21 pm
Please forgive my spelling errors, in my comment earlier, I was typing faster than my brain was forming the words, and now, I see my mistakes...Sorry!!! :(
 

Kit B. (276)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 6:23 pm

Michael, that happens to everyone. Don't worry about it. I stakesmis time all of.
 

Vallee R. (264)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 6:41 pm
Thanks - needed a laugh.
 

Dandelion G. (384)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 7:28 pm
I wish some wise lawyer would challenge the word news after fox. Faux Lies, Faux fairy tales, but news....no no no
 

Tamara Noforwardsplz (185)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 7:50 pm
LMAO! Oh I do love our Care2 members for their wit. Brilliant share Kit. I have a small suggestion. I thought I read somewhere that there is a faux virus going around? Perhaps we could download it to their main server and shit the whole thing down. Oops, did I say shit? Sorry, meant to say shut, tee hee.
 

Mike S. (86)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 8:26 pm
Thanks for the chuckle Kit...and Allan, how many of those blue pills have you taken?
 

Lynn Squance (227)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 8:45 pm
LMAO! I got this in my e-mail too.

You know, the Faux Noise addicts could actually accidentally tune in to the Inauguration, but they wouldn't know what the hell was happening.

I wonder, if Faux Noise is an addiction, does health insurance cover treatment?
 

Betsy Bee (1010)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 9:43 pm
You know something. I have not made my new year's wish for 2013. I just of anything so fantastic as Fox stopping. Don't we all wish for that. Thanks, Kit.
 

Marie W. (67)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 10:58 pm
Makes perfect sense.
 

jo M. (3)
Saturday January 19, 2013, 10:59 pm
Now if we could just get MSNBC to take its buffoons off the air for 12 hours, too, it would be perfect.
 

Past Member (0)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 5:02 am
Thanks.
 

Nancy M. (201)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 8:55 am
Love it! Let's hear it for denial.
 

Marlene Dinkins (266)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 9:18 am
noted KIT they should close down for ever!!!! i do not care about FOX NEWS!!!! they are sick!!!!!!! their doors can be gone for ever!!!!! thnx Kit this article is very good!!!!!!
 

Daniel Partlow (189)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 9:49 am
FOX news, what a joke!
 

Kamila A. (141)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 11:54 am
The Republicans are a big joke, as is FOX "news" as is all their talking points. This is pretty funny, and probably close to what they will broadcast---ugly rotten-hearted people talking ugly things all day long----they need to be flown as a group into Glenn Beck's bubble-land which I hear is in the planning stages right now. They won't even realize its a mental institution, but will continue blathering on to one another while food is served, beds are made, and they are safely secured far far away from us with all their guns and ammo for use on one another, I suppose. Sad ending to a sad story of the Republican Tbags and neoCons.
 

Susan S. (187)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 12:27 pm
Being Canadian this is extra funny. You may be aware of the political struggles we have here over media - CBC facing cutbacks and having to block attempts to set up a "FOX News of the North" (LOL). This seems so typical of people who may choose to watch Fox News and suggest that Fox may be implying that they can predict when news will or will not happen (or at least when their viewers will care...maybe they chose when the Superbowl is scheduled...who knows???). Anyway, it does get you contemplating how important it is to have the priviledge of an open, unbiased and accountable media. Sensationalistic journalism and feeding pablum to the public does nothing to help us resolve global issues. But then we can all laugh, and all choose what we watch (hopefully). It all reminds me of "Manufacturing Consent" and warping our values.
 

Past Member (0)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 12:27 pm
I agree with you, Allan.And Fox news is the only one that tells the truth........no, i'm not Republican .,I'm independant, I vote for the " best " person.
 

Lois Jordan (60)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 1:35 pm
Noted & adding my thanks, Kit. If, in fact, it ever shut down, I'd never know it if it weren't for Jon Stewart--which is where I go every night to get my news about daily cable news. So many comments above made me laugh--sorry I'm out of stars for most. I really liked Terrie's suggestion that "we all collectively send our thoughts simultaneously through the ethers..." I think I'll try that, too.
 

Michela m. (4035)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 1:38 pm
Noted
 

donald Baumgartner (5)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 2:29 pm
@Allen: He, Barack Obama, the POTUS, used his wife's Family Bible, as he will on Monday.

Faux News {?} COULD SHUT DOWN FORGOOD, as far as I'm concerned!!!!!!
 

marie c. (166)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 2:46 pm
Thanks Kit
 

Debra Van Way (12)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 2:47 pm
LOL KIt B. You are definitely on a roll. Ah, if only fake news channel would shut down forever and just leave a test pattern on air for the entertainment of their brain washed followers. I suggest the back end of Rush Limpballs. Throw a few stars around it and some zig zap sparkles and their viewers will be too inthralled to reproduce more viewers with the same mental capacity as that of a 6 year old stale gmo muffin.
 

Madeline L. (2)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 3:46 pm
Ha ha ha! If only it were true.
 

Bill K. (14)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 4:48 pm
anyone who thinks Fox news tells the truth obviously isn't checking the facts.
 

Roni Jo Patterson (4)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 5:33 pm
Allan Yorkowitz does *not* know whereof he speaks: Obama swore upon the Mein Kanmpf (sic). It's true, it is so true, yes it is! And to prove it I can find closeup photos somewhere on the net! Jae A., you spelled "mein" incorrectly. And *please* do not utter the sacred Sieg Heil in jest. Ha.
 

Roni Jo Patterson (4)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 5:35 pm
Oops, I spelled "Kampf" wrong.
 

Dianne D. (471)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 8:03 pm
FOX is still around? They can't afford to lose more viewers. I took them off my remote 4 years ago when they refused to televise the first Obama inauguration. What low lives FOX is. Alies needs to be fired. Hope they go under.
 

Julia R. (297)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 9:16 pm
What would really be great and advantageous to Democracy is if they would permanently shut down! What a victory for critical thinking that would be.
 

Shirley B. (5)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 9:48 pm
Funny stuff, wish it were true. I read that most of the republicans will not stay in DC for the inaug. Oh woe, what would they do if Faux noose isn't there to lead them all day.
 

Edith B. (145)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 10:50 pm
Thanks, Kit, that was funny. Loved the comments, too.
 

Maureen C. (4)
Sunday January 20, 2013, 11:03 pm
Thanks for the laugh, Kit -- I do enjoy Andy Borowitz.

I'll try to tune in to Fox tomorrow, just in hopes of seeing them blow a gasket.
 

Christopher Fowler (84)
Monday January 21, 2013, 7:48 am
Hey Allan, why is the Quran any different than using a bible? After all, they are both fundamentally flawed religious books used by right wing nuts to excuse a whole host of sins against humanity.

It seems to me that it would be more appropriate that they should place their hands on a copy of the US Constitution instead; we are, after all, a secular nation.
 

Patricia W. (5)
Monday January 21, 2013, 9:04 am
FOX NEWS IS A JOKE!!!!!!!!! SHUT DOWN FOREVER YOU IDIOTS!!!!!
 

Kathy Chadwell (365)
Monday January 21, 2013, 12:38 pm
Truer words were never spoken than this comment
Regular viewers of Fox probably won’t notice anything unusual,” he said.

Because they are all brain dead.
In the meantime let us fill in the gaps. Somethings they never pick up on.
http://thinkprogress.org/media/2010/02/10/81482/right-rebels-foxnews/?mobile=nc
Conservative Activists Rebel Against Fox News: Saudi Ownership Is ‘Really Dangerous For America’

Just to back this up.
http://www.loansafe.org/forum/fox-news/17176-who-owns-fox-news.html
 

Jim Phillips (3200)
Wednesday January 23, 2013, 2:33 pm
Lots of good and witty comments.

Some new "nicknames" names are just downright "spot-on"...

Thanks to all.

Ty, Kit.
.
 
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