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Depressed Groundhog Sees Shadow Of Rodent He Once Was -- ONION NEWS - HUMOR


Offbeat  (tags: americans, animals, culture, environment, food, funny, humor, off-beat, unusual, wildlife )

Kit
- 591 days ago - theonion.com
Punxsutawney Phil is not feeling too good about his world these days. ONION NEWS --- HUMOR



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Kit B. (276)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 2:04 pm
Photo Credit: Onion News Network


PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA—According to sources, clinically depressed groundhog and weather prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil awoke from his slumber this early morning, peered directly into his soul, and saw but a mere pathetic shadow of the rodent he once was. “My God, is this who I am now? Is this what I’ve become?” the melancholy animal told reporters, staring hopelessly out onto the pale morning light outside his pen. “There was a time when my world was spring eternal, bright and without gloom. But that was a lifetime ago, I’m afraid.” The downcast rodent then sighed, lifted himself from his urine-soaked confines, and mustered the strength to perform his “little song and dance” for excited locals.
*** humor***

Onion News Staff | Onion News Network|
 

Kit B. (276)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 2:04 pm

Thank you, Nancy.
 

Dave C. (214)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 2:33 pm
The Onion is awesome, but as other c2 articles state, Phil really maybe depressed.......leave wild animals in the wild, PLEASE.....okay, sorry to whine!

thanks, Kit, wish I could send you another star for your great series of posts, today!
 

Nancy M. (201)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 2:39 pm
Poor Phil. I here that there is a "pothole Pete" elsewhere. NO wonder he is depressed.
 

Kit B. (276)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 3:27 pm

That might be Pothole Pete of Philadelphia. Sorry but you did leave that opening.
 

Nancy M. (201)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 3:35 pm
(actually think it is NYC but couldn't find anything, also thought there was a Pette in Ohio somewhere).
 

Yvonne White (232)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 3:43 pm
I love groundhogs..they taste just like 'possum!;)
 

Kit B. (276)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 3:46 pm

And I thought everything was supposed to taste like chicken.
 

Nancy M. (201)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 4:05 pm
Gotta be better than Pepe LePew!
 

Roxy H. (340)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 4:22 pm
awwww ty for the smile needed this :)
 

JL A. (275)
Sunday February 3, 2013, 8:19 pm
Someone told me today that the shadow has never been seen by the official GH so that spring is always 6 more weeks...but the baby burros I spent some time with yesterday may have seen their shadows when the sun broke free of the clouds.
 

Ancil S. (175)
Monday February 4, 2013, 12:04 am
I kinda relate,aging is a real drag!
 

Siti R. (12)
Monday February 4, 2013, 3:29 am
cute, thanks!
 

John Gregoire (255)
Monday February 4, 2013, 6:21 am
Poor Phil but if you were manhandled like Phil, you would be feeling out of sorts as well.
 

Svetlana B. (17)
Monday February 4, 2013, 9:48 am
Thanks for sharing
 

Sandi C. (236)
Monday February 4, 2013, 10:23 am
poor Phil.
 

Sandra S. (126)
Monday February 4, 2013, 11:38 am
Poor little fellow,imagine waking up to a noisy crowd around you.
 

kye j. (41)
Monday February 4, 2013, 12:49 pm
He looks very sad.Disgusting humans abusing animals again.
 

Wolfgang W. (198)
Monday February 4, 2013, 2:04 pm
Wolpartinger from Bavaria/Germany has left the following message:
"Don't worry Punxatawney Phil - come to the Alps and visit your Murmeltier friends - one day you will be like them and everybody will start loving you!" :-)
 

pam w. (191)
Monday February 4, 2013, 3:16 pm
SIC TRANSIT GLORIA, PHIL!
 

Susanne R. (249)
Monday February 4, 2013, 11:59 pm
Poor Phil! No wonder he's depressed! Look at what he's been reduced to: "A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer in his pants..." They've turned a skilled prognosticator, a true rodent of science, into little more than a cheap amusement. Someone please give Phil his dignity or some Prozac or a lady groundhog. Between Groundhog's Day and the fracking that's going on around him, he has little to smile about.
 
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