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No Information Found on CNN -- Andy Borowitz

Society & Culture  (tags: americans, HUMOR, satire )

- 1889 days ago -
Authorities who have spent the past forty-eight hours combing CNN in the hopes of finding any information whatsoever have called off their search, they confirmed today. ***HUMOR***

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Carole Sarcinello (338)
Wednesday April 17, 2013, 6:13 pm

Hahahahahaha . . . Thanks, Miss Kitty!


Vicky P (476)
Wednesday April 17, 2013, 6:20 pm
lol, funny and always the case

Kit B (276)
Wednesday April 17, 2013, 6:28 pm
Photo From CNN

BOSTON (The Borowitz Report)—Authorities who have spent the past forty-eight hours combing CNN in the hopes of finding any information whatsoever have called off their search, they confirmed today.

“After monitoring every minute of CNN’s broadcast since Monday, we have found hearsay, rumors, falsehoods, and a steady stream of inane commentary,” one authority said. “Everything but information.”

The announcement was the second black eye today for CNN, which earlier in the afternoon recanted all of its reporting dating back to mid-2009.

Newly installed CNN chief Jeff Zucker acknowledged that the network had experienced “a rough patch” since he took over earlier this year, but added, “At least no one was watching.”

By Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker Magazine

JL A (281)
Wednesday April 17, 2013, 8:29 pm
Thanks for my dose of AB Kit!!!

Arielle S (313)
Thursday April 18, 2013, 8:30 am
LOL - Funny but true!! They should be called the "Non-News Station" now.....

Jelica R (144)
Thursday April 18, 2013, 7:27 pm
Thankfully, “no one was watching.”

Beth Tatum (95)
Friday April 19, 2013, 12:35 pm
I don't know what has happened to CNN, they used to be very trustworthy, now they aren't much better than FOX!

Bryna Pizzo (139)
Friday April 19, 2013, 12:44 pm
Thanks for the laugh! LOL! :) (N, P, T)

Jo S (619)
Friday April 19, 2013, 1:06 pm
LOL " no one was watching" hopefully no one will continue to watch!
Thanks KIT!!!
Noted & shared.

Lois Jordan (63)
Friday April 19, 2013, 3:10 pm
Thanks, Kit. I needed some chuckles today. Can't remember now if it was Stewart or Colbert who tore CNN a new one this week, too. Check out Comedy Central for some more laughs.....however true!

. (0)
Friday April 19, 2013, 3:35 pm
Next, they will question retailers in the Boston area if anyone bought a pressure cooker in the last week....

Birgit W (160)
Friday April 19, 2013, 4:03 pm

paul m (93)
Saturday April 20, 2013, 5:57 am


Dotti L (85)
Saturday April 20, 2013, 5:51 pm
I used to watch CNN faithfully, but not for a very long time. Borowitz is so funny, Always pleased to find him in my Inbox.

Gloria picchetti (304)
Sunday April 21, 2013, 8:22 am
Andy forgot to mention FOX just making up stuff.

Kit B (276)
Sunday April 21, 2013, 8:30 am

True Gina, but Fox does that intentionally, while CNN says that are the most "trusted" name in news. That might be true if you want your news sloppy.

Winnie Adams (179)
Sunday April 21, 2013, 1:32 pm

marie C (163)
Monday April 22, 2013, 4:46 pm

Judith Hand (55)
Monday April 22, 2013, 5:37 pm
Noted. It took me three days to decide to read this and I'm glad I did. On a serious note, I prefer MSNBC to CNN if I have a choice. But for the interfaith service post Boston Marathon bombing, someone was so busy talking on CNN that I almost missed the first speaker's sharing and, fortunately, switched to MSNBC and caught the rest of her words.

Jeremy S (3)
Monday April 22, 2013, 7:26 pm
None of the TV news channels are trustworthy anymore, really, but I trust CNN more than the others.
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